Jake & Hannah’s Story

First time parents - surrogacy

 
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Hi, we’re Jake and Hannah Graf and we’re a transgender couple. I’m an Actor, Writer and Director (Jake) and this is my beautiful wife who was in the British Military for 10 years and now works in anti-financial crime. And this is our beautiful baby Millie who is just over a year old, who was born via surrogacy in April of 2020.

JAKE & HANNAH’S STORY

Jake and Hannah were named the UK’s most influential LGBTQ couple in the Independent 2018 Pride Power List and it’s not hard to understand why! Jake and Hannah do so much for the trans (and wider LGBTQIA+) community, through their campaigning and their role as patrons for Mermaids charity, as well as frequent media appearances.

Growing up, Jake was diagnosed with gender dysphoria. He had felt completely alone as he navigated identifying as a trans man, finding little support or resources out there to help him. In 2008 - with the support of his mother - Jake began his transition, taking hormone treatment and undergoing surgery. At the age of 28, Jake made the decision to come off his testosterone and begin IVF treatment, so that he could have his eggs fertilised and frozen.

Working in the world of film, Jake soon realised there was a huge lack of positive representation of trans people on screen. This had to change. Ever since his first award-winning short film X-WHY, Jake uses his filmmaking and screenwriting to educate audiences across the world around the experiences of trans people.

Hannah is an Officer of the British Army, serving with the Royal Electrical and Mechanical Engineers, and it was in 2013 that she came out as a transgender woman, making her one of the highest ranking transgender soldiers in the army. Hannah became a mentor and role model within the army and beyond, working on policy and education through her work as the Army's Transgender Representative and member of the Army LGBT Forum. In 2019, Hannah was awarded an MBE her service and advocacy.

Jake and Hannah met in 2015 and had an instant connection. As their relationship grew, they wanted to grow their family too. And so, they set out to search for a surrogate - someone they could trust and who they could be part of the process with.

 

They recorded their journey to share with the world through Channel 4 documentary, Our Baby: A Modern Miracle (please watch!). By sharing their story with the world, this was a chance for people to see their journey through having a baby by surrogacy first hand. Hannah and Jake also wanted to give hope to trans couples looking to have families; to show that it is possible. 

We are so glad to have Jake, Hannah and Millie as part of this campaign.

What makes you a proud parent?

Jake : I’m a proud parent because I would have done anything to become a dad. And I did. And here she is!

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Freddy's Story

Dad to SJ - trying to conceive

 
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Hey, I’m Freddy. I’m a writer and a journalist. And I’m a single dad by choice. My little one is now three and a half years old. I came out as trans in my early to mid-twenties and I thought that meant I could never have kids of my own. But luckily, thanks to the community I found some time later, I learned that wasn’t true, and actually decided to start my family through becoming pregnant and giving birth. It was difficult but ultimately it was a really amazing experience. 

I try to be visible so that more trans men and non-binary people know that they have this option too; that they can have a family and they can do it in many different ways. And this way - they way I’ve done it - is just as valid.

Freddy’s journey

Freddy experienced gender dysphoria through his childhood. All he wanted was to feel comfortable in his own skin; to be himself. At 23 Freddy realised he was trans and, from here, began transitioning; changing his name, embarking on testosterone treatment and he later underwent top surgery.

In 2017 Freddy decided to have a family and there was no other place to do this than Deal (where he grew up and his family are). Through his documentary, Seahorse: The Dad Who Gave Birth, Freddy speaks candidly about his journey to having his son as a trans man - his fertility treatment, swapping his testosterone for folic acid, how the whole process made him feel both physically and emotionally. He even records the very special moment that his son was born into the world in a beautiful water birth.

After his son was born, Freddy registered his child’s birth and was told that the law requires those who have given birth to be registered as mothers on the certificate. Freddy may have given birth biologically but he was legally a man, and put forward a case to be registered as his child’s ‘father’ or other ‘parent’ or ‘gestational parent’. The fight continues.

Freddy has been very open and honest about his journey and campaigning. He describes himself as an introvert, so sharing his journey publicly is not something that came naturally – Freddy just simply wanted to have a family. But he felt a strong sense of responsibility to share his story. Today, as an activist, Freddy raises his voice and awareness on issues faced by the trans and wider LGBTQIA+ community, using his filmmaking, his words and his growing platform to challenge and dismantle perceptions and evoke empathy; to remind us that we are all human. We are in awe.

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I’m a proud parent because

I’m a proud parent because, as a trans man I was always told that I shouldn’t think about having kids. But I felt deep down that I should and I could, and I wanted to. So, I followed by heart and made it happen. And here we are.

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Caprice & Holly's Story

First time parents - IUI

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I always wanted to be a mother, it was something I knew would be in my future. After my wife and I got married we started talking about my options and were so lucky to fall pregnant with our first round of IUI. To say our pregnancy was hard was an understatement (read Caprice’s Birth Story on IG here). I had wanted this for so long and ended up with every symptom in the book and more. I was signed off work four months in and ended up in a wheelchair with severe SPD. My mental health suffered alongside this as I was isolated and unable to do much for myself. We started hypnobirthing and it got us both through labour and birth. It was the most incredible thing my body has ever done. The first six months of parenthood were hard for my wife, it took time to find her groove and properly bond and it seemed that all I was doing was breastfeeding. Nearly three years on, the two of them are inseparable! 

To us, birthing the future means to raise children who are strong. This doesn’t always mean physically, but resilient. The strength to take up space, to push back, to defend those who need it and stand up for what is right. We are raising our daughter to know her worth. It’s a big task in this ever changing world.

 

What makes you a proud parent

That our daughter knows she is strong, she is beautiful and she can do anything. The daily affirmations are working!

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Steph & Alex's Story

25 weeks pregnant

 
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I’m Steph - I’m intersex. My partner, Alex, is trans. We’re 25 weeks pregnant. I think we always knew that we'd become parents one day; it was just a case of when would be the right time, especially as we both work in aviation. I also run two blogs, one being Family Of Wanderlusters, which we started earlier this year to challenge the misconceptions and assumptions around being LGBTQIA+ parents and those linked to me being a disabled mum-to-be. 

Like many LGBTQIA+ parents, our journey to becoming parents hasn't been an easy one. Firstly, my hormone issues (my body produces too much testosterone) meant going onto hormones to force cycles through, so that I'd have a chance to become pregnant via sperm donor. Alex said very early on when we talked about children that he wouldn't even contemplate being the one to carry, so we always knew it would be me who would be doing the hard work! However, we've also had repeated miscarriages, and how we were treated in the aftermath of them meant that we became very guarded, particularly after one miscarriage in 2019, where a remark was made about me being intersex and trying to have a baby. 

2021 will be the year where we finally become parents, and although we've been through a lot which has made us even more nervous, we're now at the stage that as the days pass by, we are becoming more excited to meet our bundle of joy. Our local hospital has been fantastic in helping create an inclusive and welcoming environment. Things like having the same midwife throughout (bar emergencies) have enabled us to trust the medical teams more with information that we wouldn't have been as open about if assumptions about either of us had been made. Hopefully, in time, other hospitals will follow suit so that LGBTQIA+ parents-to-be don't have negative experiences attached to one of the most life-changing events - having a baby! 

 

There's this massive misconception that if you're intersex or transgender, you can't have children, so to be where we are today and 25 weeks pregnant feels like a massive achievement, especially after the recurrent miscarriages. However, assumptions can be incredibly harmful so, for us, it's vital to be visible so that we can challenge the outdated views that still exist, whilst also giving hope to other LGBTQIA+ people who want to become parents.  

What makes you a proud parent?

Steph: I’m a proud parent because we are unique family and it has taken us a really long time to get here.

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Bethan & Michaela's Story

Reciprocal I VF - 34 weeks pregnant

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Hi, we’re Bethan and Michaela. We’ve been together for 10 years, married for 3, and we’re 34 weeks pregnant. 

We deliberated for a long time over whether we wanted to get pregnant. No matter what, it’s a big decision, and not one we thought should be taken lightly. 

We knew that IVF came with higher risks and the potential agony of multiple rounds, but we thought it was worth trying. We put some limits in place, as we’d heard countless stories of couples investing heavily - both financially and emotionally - and being broken by it. We went for one round of egg collection – Michaela’s eggs, and Bethan would carry - and then allow ourselves to go through as many rounds as we had eggs. If it didn’t work, we’d admit defeat and look at other options. 

Our GP had no idea what the process was and was completely taken aback when we asked her, so we chose to go a local private fertility clinic instead, where they’d be more used to dealing with all types of different families. 

We did the usual battery of tests, and started taking the relevant medications needed. We felt lucky, being two women, that we could split the IVF process, as we both found it quite difficult and were able to support each other through the various stages. Through the process we ended up with eight healthy, viable embryos, which we were over the moon with. And, unbelievably, we got pregnant on our first try with IVF – we couldn’t believe it when we did our first test and saw that line appear!

As we expected, there have been specific hurdles we’ve encountered because we’re a same sex couple.  We were told at 19 weeks that we would have to have an induction because IVF babies carried more risk. When we questioned the validity of this, there was no data to support it – the only data they had was based on IVF pregnancies as a whole and not for our specific situation. The consultant even told Bethan “Oh I see, the only problem we have here is that you don’t have a male partner” – which didn’t go down too well!

Our fertility clinic and our midwives have been nothing but supportive, inclusive, and respectful the entire time. Others, such as the consultant, have made us feel small and insignificant. We’ve struggled sorting the logistics of shared parental leave, filling out adoption forms and paternity forms, because those are the only ones who fit “our unique situation”. It’s highlighted how much further the system has to go before LGBTQ+ parents are seen in the same way as any other parents, and we hope that our story will help do exactly this for other parents after us.

 

We’re 34 weeks now (at the time of writing!) and getting super excited. We can’t wait to bring someone into this world and teach them that you can be whoever you want to be, love whoever you want to love, and do whatever you want to do, whilst being mindful and respectful of the people around you. A real chance to help shape the next generation, normalising all different types of families, and hopefully making things that tiny bit easier for those in the LGBTQ+ community in years to come. Wish us luck!

What makes you a proud parent

We’re proud parents because we think it’s really important to normalise and celebrate all different types of family, and all different types of love.

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