Proud Parents: journey to parenthood via Reciprocal IVF
Hi, we’re Bethan and Michaela. We’ve been together for 10 years, married for 3, and we’re 34 weeks pregnant.
We deliberated for a long time over whether we wanted to get pregnant. No matter what, it’s a big decision, and not one we thought should be taken lightly. Then, unfortunately, Michaela’s sister suffered a heartbreaking stillbirth a few years ago. It shook the whole family, and we couldn’t imagine putting ourselves, or the rest of the family, at risk of going through anything like that again.
Michaela’s sister was so much braver than us, and gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby boy not long after – the happiest child you’d ever meet. It was Mic’s sister and her gorgeous giggling son who gave us the courage to give it a go. We knew that IVF came with higher risks, and was often accompanied by the agony of multiple rounds, but we thought it was at least worth trying it out.
Bethan & Michaela (Photo credit: Rachel Sherlock for PBC’s #ProudParent Campaign)
We decided, before we began the process, to put some limits in place. We’d heard countless stories of couples putting more and more into the process; both financial and emotional investment, and being broken by it. We agreed we would go through one round of egg collection – Michaela’s eggs, and Bethan would carry. We’d allow ourselves to go through as many rounds as we had eggs, and if it hadn’t worked by then, we would admit defeat and look at other options. Bethan had always loved the idea of being pregnant, and Michaela had other health complications that meant carrying would be riskier, so the set-up seemed perfect.
We spoke to our GP, who had no idea what the process was, and was completely taken aback when we asked her. We decided it would be best to speak to a local private fertility clinic instead, who would be more used to dealing with all types of different families. We did the usual battery of tests, and started taking the relevant medications needed. We were quite lucky, being two women, that we could split the IVF process – Michaela went through the egg collection, and Bethan went through the pregnancy preparation. We both found the process quite difficult, so we were thankful we were able to divide it and support each other through the various stages. We managed to collect 30 eggs which dwindled through each process into eight healthy, viable embryos, which we were over the moon with.
Bethan & Michaela (Photo credit: Rachel Sherlock for PBC’s #ProudParent Campaign)
Unbelievably, we got pregnant on our first try with IVF – we couldn’t believe it when we did our first test and saw that line appear. Anyone will tell you, being pregnant during the pandemic has not been easy, with no partners allowed at scans, appointments, etc., but we’re very thankful that restrictions are easing now and we’ll both be allowed in for the whole duration of the labour, where we know many couples before us have not been so lucky.
As we expected, there have been specific hurdles we’ve encountered because we’re a same sex couple – at one point, we were told at 19 weeks that we would have to have an induction because IVF babies carried more risk. When we questioned the validity of this, we found out there was no data that supported it – the only data they had was based on IVF pregnancies as a whole, which of course includes people who have IVF because of fertility issues, and multiple IVF pregnancies. There wasn’t any data or knowledge that the consultants could use to support people not in this position. The consultant even told Bethan “Oh I see, the only problem we have here is that you don’t have a male partner” – which didn’t go down too well!
We’ve had many different types of interactions throughout the process so far – our fertility clinic and our midwives have been nothing but supportive, inclusive, and respectful the entire time. Others, such as the consultant, have made us feel small and insignificant. We’ve struggled sorting the logistics of shared parental leave – between us, filling out adoption forms and paternity forms, because those are the only ones who fit “our unique situation”. It’s highlighted how much further the system has to go before LGBTQ+ parents are seen in the same way as any other parents, and we hope that our story will help do exactly this for other parents after us.
We’re 34 weeks now and getting super excited. We can’t wait to bring someone into this world and teach them that you can be whoever you want to be, love whoever you want to love, and do whatever you want to do, whilst being mindful and respectful of the people around you. A real chance to help shape the next generation, normalising all different types of families, and hopefully making things that tiny bit easier for those in the LGBTQ+ community in years to come.
Wish us luck!
