Birth story - Winanda and baby Azzurra

*Trigger Warning* - gestational diabetes.

My pregnancy was 'perfect.' I had the usual pregnancy symptoms but luckily not extreme like some women experience.

I felt nauseous the first few weeks until about week 12. That was annoying though...I felt like I was drunk and needed to puke constantly but I couldn't throw up. So that feeling was annoying but besides that nothing worth mentioning

Second trimester was great except I got pelvic instability so I had to stop working one month earlier before my maternity leave. I could hardly walk and my baby being huge didn't help either.

Early on in pregnancy they saw that she was going to be a big girl (I didn't expect anything different as both me and my partner were big baby's ourselves)

But at the end at week 34 she started to grow way above average so we decided to do the test (again) to see if I had gestational diabetes and yup, this time I had it. I was tested for it around week 24 already because I was classified as obese but all the test came back positive.

So I was a bit in shock because this meant that I couldn't have my water birth anymore and had to deliver in the hospital instead of MLU. But that feeling went away pretty quick as the hospital provided all the things the MLU also provides.

Besides that news we also quickly started to talk about an induction at 38 weeks because of the gestational diabetes, the discomfort I was feeling and the size of my baby (at 34 weeks she was already as big as a baby of 38 weeks) we decided to go with an induction. No way I was going to be able to carry her to the full 40 weeks or even longer.

So, we started the induction at 38 weeks on Thursday the 10th of February. I was already 2 cm dilated but my cervix was not soft enough yet to be able to break my waters. So after 4 hours, they again did a check and nothing had changed. Those checks didn't hurt me up until then. I got another dose but after 4 hours again nothing had changed and this time the examination did hurt. This was the first time I doubted if I could have an unmedicated birth and questioned the breathing techniques.

This went on for 2 days but there was no progress whatsoever so we decided to go home for the weekend. My baby and my body were clearly not ready for it yet.

On Monday morning we went back again and now I was at 3cm but still my cervix was not soft enough but almost there. Again, the examination was very uncomfortable so after the next couple of doses I declined the examinations. I didn't feel anything different so nothing must have been changed.

After my last dose for the day, I was ready to give up again. Because nothing had changed and we were still at the same place we were as a few days before. So my partner and I went out to go for a walk. I sat in a wheelchair because I was just too big and my hips were too painful to walk.

When we were outside I wanted to get out of the wheelchair to at least stand for a moment as I'd been on bed all day. The moment I stood up I felt something explode and yup...my waters broke! So I was like: nope, were going back in. This was on Monday, the 14th at 17:50.

Back in the room, we called the nurse and she came in to check my waters and everything was fine so I was wheeled in the delivery room. I got a drip and they turned it up every 30 min but after a while they couldn't really measure my surges. Although I did have them.

I don't remember exactly how long or when it happened but I remember not being able to cope very well. I used all the tools I've learned in from the hypnobirthing pack but I couldn't handle the discomfort. I apparently sat in the shower for almost 1.5 hours. It was really vague and wasn't paying attention to my surroundings. All I could think of was my breathing and how the hell I was going to deal with this discomfort.

It seemed like I had a 'surge storm' where the surges kept coming and couldn't breath them away. There was no time for me to rest as I constantly had surges ranging from different strengths.

After a few hours they asked me if I wanted pain relief and we discussed the options. But before being able to give the options they needed to know how far I was dilated.

So another exam and I was still at 3 cm. So my option was an epidural or Morphine was available after 6 cm, so I wanted to wait.

An epidural was something I absolutely wanted to avoid. Our nurse gave us time to discuss it. After a few minutes my gynaecologist came in to ask if I had any questions as she heard that we talked about the possibility of an epidural. At that moment, I again, got a really strong, intense surge that I couldn't handle anymore so I said fuck it, yes I want an epidural.

That was at 00:15. Everything went by really quickly as I was rolled down the hall to get my epidural. I had a lovely anaesthetic nurse who explained everything to me in detail. Which made me doubt my choice. But I again was in so much discomfort that I just knew I had to do it.

And damn, what a relief! In the beginning I still could feel the really strong surges but I could easily breath them away. It was so nice to be able to breath again and not feel constant discomfort. I even fell asleep at some point and at 4am they checked me again to see how far I was. I was at 7 cm so I was really happy. Finally there was progress! And I felt nothing anymore. I could still move my leg to some degree but no feelings. It was lovely.

A few hours went by and the checked me again but I was still at 7cm. So no progress anymore. I felt that I was failing as I did everything I thought I never wanted for my birth.

Around 11am I was still at 7cm so we started to talk about a c-section. At this point I was open to it as we basically were trying to deliver my baby girl since Thursday and now it was already Tuesday. After talking we agreed a c-section was probably the best option everything moved really quickly. I was brought in the operation room and within half an hour she was delivered and I was stitched up again. Hearing and seeing her made me cry.

I was constantly using the breathing techniques throughout labor but I was shaking like crazy non-stop. During the c-section they constantly monitored my blood pressure but they had a difficult time doing so because I was shaking so much. But luckily that stopped around 1 hour after birth.

My whole birth couldn't be further away from what I wanted but I was so happy it went this way. I cannot imagen pushing out a 10lb baby naturally, everyone in the operation room was in shock when they took her out haha.

Even though it didn't go as planned, I look back on a really positive birth. And even though I felt like a failure in that moment, looking back I know I wasn't. I know that I've been really strong and that this was different than a 'normal' birth.

Your birth may also not go the way you plan it and you may feel like the tools you've learned didn't help you, but believe me, they do.

I was prepared for what was about to come.

The breathing techniques did help me stay calm during everything.

I knew the kind of questions to ask for me and my baby to make the right decisions.

So no regrets at all.

We had to stay in the hospital for 5 days because her glucose levels weren't right. But she is absolutely healthy and amazing.

She only eats, sleeps and repeats haha.