Birth story - Bex and baby Ralph

Family: Daddy and Step Mum to Phoebe (9), Daddy and Mummy to Phoenix (2) and now Daddy and Mummy to new baby Ralph.

This story is for any pregnant person who needs to know that truly straight forward, positive births happen to ordinary people. To anyone worried about giving birth with a toddler around, or from a bigger body. To anyone planning a homebirth or wanting to know that hands-off, unmedicated births are possible. But most of all, this is for my oldest baby, my little girl Phoebe. If and when the time comes for you to give birth, know it can be straightforward, it can be empowering, it can be positive.

What a pleasure and privilege it is to write my second incredibly positive birth story. My first is on The Positive Birth Company website, under Bex and Baby Phoenix, should you wish to read that too!

For background, my pregnancy was normal other than a raised BMI at booking. After a successful and positive first home birth in 2018, I booked straight in with the home birth team (Royal Berkshire Hospital Home Birth Team) this time around. All of my care throughout pregnancy was provided by their fantastic team, although, due to my BMI, I was also under a consultant. I spoke to the consultant twice in total during my pregnancy and accepted the additional scans and GD test that they suggest for mothers with raised BMIs. I had done my own research into risks associated with my BMI and was prepared to change my planned home birth if anything of concern was found, including difficulty in hearing the baby's heartbeat or raised blood pressure. All tests showed a content, well growing, easy to monitor baby and a healthy (albeit exhausted and sick feeling) me!

The story begins in the early hours of Sunday 13th of July 2021. Despite generally sleeping well since March, our toddler (Phoenix) was up a lot in the night. He ended up in our bed, and I struggled to get back to sleep. At 4am as I lay next to him, I noticed some cramping across my bump. Unlike last time, it didn't feel rhythmic and I didn't think it was labour so I just laid there, cuddling my son, trying to sleep. By 5am I was pretty sure that the cramping was becoming surges and I stood swaying and breathing through them next to our bed. At ten to six, I woke my husband (Tom) and said "It's happening, the baby is coming." He asked if I wanted him to ring the midwife, I felt fully in control and so said to wait a while. At ten past 6 I called my parents as the plan was for my mum to come and be with Phoenix, and they live just over two hours away. After this phone call I began timing my surges using the Freya app. I absolutely loved having Siobhan's soothing voice counting during the surges and this really helped me to control my breathing.

Tom and I moved downstairs, leaving Phoenix sleeping in our bed. Tom effortlessly slipped into his role as Keeper of the Cave, turned on the electric tea lights, sprayed room spray, lined and filled the pool all while whispering how well I was doing and how proud of me he was. I asked him to call the midwife at around 7am, although I still didn't want them to come. Tom spoke to our named midwife, Lorraine, who was on duty from the night before but would be switching over that morning. Lorraine was amazing, reassuring Tom that in all likelihood someone else from the team would come out to us, but if not she would as she lived so close to us.

Tom and I continued to cuddle and count through the surges. I heard Phoenix patter to the top of the stairs at about half past 7 (unusually late for our little early riser), and Tom set him up on the sofa in the kitchen with snacks, a drink and Fireman Sam on the TV. I remember thinking how surreal it was surging with the spa music backing track interspersed with Elvis and Sam's cheerful Welsh accents. We had shared a book with Phoenix about homebirth called "My Mother's the Strongest", and Tom was able to refer to this when explaining to Phoenix what was happening with Mummy. During one surge, Phoenix wondered through and cuddled my legs as Tom held me and I swayed and breathed.

Freya altered us to established labour at about 7.40am, and at some point after that Tom called the midwife who said she was on her way. The midwife, Imogen, arrived at 8.30am, closely followed by my Mum who calmly took charge of fussing, feeding and entertaining Phoenix.

I can not express just what a perfect match Imogen was for us. Straight away on coming in she read our birth preferences, which we had left on the table, and followed them to the letter. She whispered, was encouraging, directed questions through Tom and used positive language throughout. Imogen watched a couple of my surges and was encouraging about how well I was progressing. At this point I asked for an examination which Imogen did swiftly and respectfully and found me to be 3cm. I found this really encouraging as my waters were yet to break. With Phoenix, my waters broke quite early on in labour. This time I did find the fact that my waters hadn't broken niggled at me. Despite knowing that waters can break at any time, and that some babies are born en sac, I remember repeatedly checking with Imogen that I was progressing as I was preoccupied with the niggling idea that my waters broke early last time and should this time too! If I could go back in time, I would repeat to myself "Waters can break at any time, your labour is progressing."

For some time, I continued to surge standing near the pool, breathing in time with Siobhan's counting with Tom holding me. Imogen continued to quietly watch and, after a little while, said to Tom "Would she like to get in the pool?" This was music to my ears, and I immediately undressed and climbed into the warm water. The relief was instant, and the smell of the pool liner bought flooding back wonderful memories of Phoenix's birth. I remained in the pool from this point until Ralph was born. I managed the surges with breathing, encouragement from Imogen and Laura (the second midwife who arrived shortly after I had entered the pool) and soft touch and kind words from Tom.

I recognise now the point at which I went into transition, the surges became more intense and I felt exhausted. I asked to try the gas and air. Imogen sorted it out and explained how to use it, but I think I struggled to take this on board. I tried to breathe through the mouthpiece but found it cumbersome and heavy. I held it for some time, but eventually dropped it, not finding it of use.

I felt Ralph's head begin to descend, and was anxious to keep this part slow and avoid tearing. I didn't push at all and let my body do its job. With Phoenix, I did give one hard push at this point and I did tear. With Ralph, this part of labour was much longer, and I found it intense. However, I managed to birth an 8lb 13oz baby this time with only a very small tear and no need for stitches. The recovery has been much easier, and I am glad that I had the strength to persevere through this part of labour in my own way. Just after I delivered Ralph's head (which broke the waters), another member of the homebirth team, Donna, arrived. I knew Donna as she visited me after Phoenix's birth and prior to Ralph's. She joined us at Tom's side, holding my hand as I delivered the rest of Ralph's body.

For the second time in my life I had the privilege of lifting my newborn baby from the water and announcing "He's a boy!"

During the second part of labour, my Mum had taken Phoenix to our local park to feed the ducks. She arrived back, completely by coincidence, two minutes after Ralph was born. I was able to call to Phoenix "Come and meet your new brother!"

Shortly after birth, I climbed out of the pool and delivered the placenta naturally, while holding my new son. After taking a quick picture of my beautiful baby attached to his healthy placenta, Tom cut the cord, and Ralph and I continued our skin to skin.

We had done it. We completed our family. All of the negative pregnancy tests, the wishing, the nausea, the exhaustion, had come to this point. Tom, me and our three perfect children.

An enormous thank you to the incredible home birth team who empowered, respected and supported us before, during and after birth both in 2018 and now. You are all just fantastic, and a true credit to the NHS you serve. Thank you to Siobhan and The Positive Birth Company - you taught us so much at the group session we took in 2018 and your products supported us to achieve our second incredibly positive birth.

The biggest thank you to Tom. You picked up the slack when I suffered through a pregnancy that, as healthy as it was, just didn't agree with me. You did what you always do best, look after us all. Our perpetual keeper of the cave, our guiding light - the very best example to your children of what a great man, father and husband is.