Birth story - Ruby and baby Joshua

It’s taken me a long time to write this but I wanted to share my story as I found it so helpful to read others at the end of my pregnancy. A long story for a fast labour!

A bit of context first. I live in Barcelona and the approach to pregnancy and labour here in Spain is generally over medicalised, this has even been recognised by the WHO. A home birth is not possible unless you can pay privately and I knew a gynaecologist who laughed about women who want a water birth (I was his teacher not his patient). I began to feel anxious about the labour as a result of this and after hearing some negative stories about experiences in Spanish hospitals. After sharing my concerns with a friend from home who has three children (two of them home births) she recommended doing a hypnobirthing course. I found the positive birthing digital pack whilst searching for a course.

I was signed off work at the beginning of September due to what I believe was pelvic girdle pain. It is not recognised here so I was told I had ‘pelvic pain.’ Unfortunately there are no physiotherapists who know how to help with this either. I started to feel a bit down as I still had a while to go and was finding it difficult to walk for more than 15 minutes. I had not experienced any problems until this point and it was quite a shock to suddenly be spending a lot of time alone at home. At this point I decided to do the course so that I was at least doing something positive with my time. I loved it and found the knowledge I gained and the skills I learnt really empowering. (I was later shocked by how little other women knew about labour when I attended ante natal classes.) It completely changed my outlook and I felt really calm and relaxed about the rest of the pregnancy. When I first told my partner about it he was quite sceptical and initially told me I should just prepare myself for a lot of suffering. However, I later pressured him into watching some videos (especially the science ones) and he slowly started to come round to it. Towards the end of the pregnancy I made sure he watched the ones for the birth partner and the breathing techniques so he would be able to help me on the ‘big day.’

Around this time I also decided to have a doula present at the labour. I really wanted to have someone there who would be able to support both me and my partner. I met with her twice before the labour and she helped us both to understand the hospital procedures which I found really useful. She also recommended a public hospital that has a more natural approach to childbirth than others.

I was convinced that I would have a long labour and that my baby would arrive after the due date as so many first babies do. I had prepared my birth bag with labour snacks, bottles of water, lavender oil, face cloths, eye mask, comfy night shirt etc.... I was in for a shock! On 23rd December I woke up with very minor cramps and a little bit of bleeding. I got in touch with my doula and she told me not to worry as I still had a while to go. We went for lunch with friends on the seafront and my partner later went to collect his mum and sister who were coming for Christmas. We had dinner together that night and they then went back to their apartment. I went to bed feeling absolutely fine and thinking about the last minute presents we had to buy the next day. I woke up around 5am with the same cramps as the morning before. I didn’t think anything of it and tried to go back to sleep. After a while I realised I had some pressure on my bladder that was causing me to pee what seemed like every 10 minutes. I decided to take a paracetamol thinking it was important to get some sleep if this was ‘it.’ I wasn’t able to sleep because I couldn’t get comfortable in bed and had woken up my partner with all my fidgeting. By this point it was around 7 and we got up as I was now needing to breath through some very light surges. At this point I was sure that this was a dress rehearsal and just focused on the up breathing. My partner made some breakfast which I sat down to eat a few mouthfuls at a time between surges. My partner was recording the surges on an app and had phoned the hospital. He was told we should wait to come in as they weren’t long enough or that close together.

While I continued with the up breathing my partner then decided to check we had everything in the hospital bags. I remember watching him do this thinking we would be laughing about this false alarm later that day as I was so convinced that this couldn’t be it. It was then that my back really started to ache and my partner suggested I have a shower. I cannot explain how much the hot water on my lower back helped and I really recommend doing this. A little later (probably only minutes) I felt an urge to go to the toilet and saw that I had bled a little. We contacted the doula who said I should wear a maternity pad. Not too long after that I felt my waters break which was particularly uneventful! I felt a pop and that was it. I guess whatever water was there was absorbed by the pad. A little while later I was on the toilet again and saw that I had bled quite a bit more. My partner sent a photo to the doula who then immediately got a taxi to our place. Meanwhile my surges had not increased in length or got closer together but they had got stronger. I now really needed my other half to do the counting for the up breathing. Until this point I felt completely calm however, suddenly I had my ‘I can’t do it’ moment and thought if I were at hospital I would ask for any drug they had! It’s worth pointing out that I was sure I was only around 4-5cm as it had only been 4 hours and so far it had been going really well.

I started to panic a little and felt I was really weak for ‘giving up’ so early on. I also started making sounds that I did not think I was capable of making but still couldn’t believe I had progressed that quickly. This moment of self-doubt actually passed quite quickly and when the doula arrived 10 minutes later I was sat on the toilet telling her I needed to poo. She heard one surge and told my partner we needed to get to the hospital immediately. Things accelerated pretty quickly from then as my partner helped me to get down the stairs and into the lift and then into the taxi waiting outside. I was sounding pretty primal and just about everyone on our street heard me. There were even people coming out onto the balconies to see what was going on! It was almost impossible to walk at this point but somehow my partner got me in the taxi. I couldn’t sit down so was on my knees facing the rear window while the doula was telling me not to push. Although I may have looked rather desperate from the outside I still had very rational thoughts and remember noting that my surges slowed down while we were in the taxi. I actually wasn’t scared but just really wanted to get to the hospital as I knew the baby was coming.

Again my partner somehow managed to get me out of the taxi and into the hospital where we went straight to triage. Somehow I ended up completely naked there! Apparently I complained that I was hot and took off my jumper and t-shirt. Someone took my leggings off and I spread my legs while a nurse got on the floor to measure me and another was there with open arms in case the baby came out. She confirmed I was 10cm and sent us to the labour room. I was wheeled on a wheelchair which I kneeled on with a sheet to cover my dignity. (I didn’t ask for the sheet!) In the labour room the midwife had me lying down on my side and I was happy to go along with that as it was a comfortable position. This is the only part of the birth that I wasn’t that happy with. I wanted to do the down breathing but the midwife insisted that I take a deep breath in and then push as hard as I could. I didn’t have time to discuss this as I realised there was a sense of urgency although I did not know why at that point. Within around 6 pushes my beautiful baby boy was out and he was placed straight onto my chest for skin to skin contact. It was then that the midwife introduced herself.

The placenta followed without any fuss around 10 minutes later. We arrived at the hospital at 10 and he was born at 10.48! I can honestly say that the pushing really wasn’t that bad and the thing that helped me the most was roaring into my partners shoulder and feeling him hold me. I felt completely safe. I was on a high for several hours and could not believe I had done it without any pain relief and that it had happened so quickly. Unfortunately I did get a third degree tear and had three stitches which I was disappointed with. However, Siobhan is right when she says you won’t feel the tear as I really would not have known if they hadn’t told me and I barely noticed them stitching me up. I’m also happy to say that the tear has since healed completely.

Five days after the birth the doula visited us at home and I asked her if I was right about the urgency that I felt once we were in the labour room. She confirmed that the heart rate was taking a little longer to recover and the midwife made me push so hard in order to avoid a doctor using forceps or cutting me. She also told me that the midwife put her hands inside me to help the baby come out. I have mixed feelings about this as I understand that she wanted to avoid an intervention from the doctor but I don’t think this was communicated to me at the time or explained after. Overall though I am happy with my birth especially given that the rate of c-sections is 25% and even higher in private hospitals.

I would like to say a huge thank you to Siobhan and everyone at the PBC as I felt very calm and relaxed despite my labour happening early and so quickly. Anyone who is feeling nervous about giving birth you have nothing to worry about! Ignore people who roll their eyes at you and give you condescending smiles when you tell them about hypnobirthing. I felt like a superwoman and was reliving it for days afterwards with a smile on my face. Keep up the affirmations, practise the breathing techniques, listen to the podcasts and keep reading these stories! You can do it!