Birth story - Rosie and baby Merida

Five months on from my daughter arriving, I have found a way to frame a difficult birth journey as a beautiful, positive one - with the help of my knowledge from the digital packs and the positive birth community online.

Pregnancy wasn’t something I enjoyed. My work was relentlessly stressful and having previously had a miscarriage, my mind caved in to terrible anxiety. I was convinced I would be a bad mother but I was too ashamed to tell anyone what I was thinking. At 28 weeks I got Pelvic Girdle Pain. Every time I walked from my office to a meeting room I’d get stabbing pains in my back or abdomen and my hips would freeze up. I blamed myself for not ‘glowing’ or being ‘radiant’. After several incidents of sobbing when asked “how are you”, my midwife asked my GP to sign me off work. I felt guilty, but 2 weeks later I started to switch off and the dark thoughts lifted. I used my time at home to do the hypnobirthing AND postpartum packs with The Positive Birth Company. Without doubt, they are what helped me leave the anxiety behind and get excited for my baby.

I went into labour at 41 weeks. I felt ready! However, what I wasn’t prepared for was a 3 day ‘back labour’...I stayed home doing breathing, having baths and saying the affirmations but I couldn’t visualise my uterus doing anything, it was just excruciating for my back. What I have realised is that I let myself suffer, when really I needed some help to get out of my head and let my body take over.

In hospital, I tried to stick to my birth plan of only using gas and air, aromatherapy and the pool. I hadn't progressed beyond 6 cm in over 2 days, so was recommended an epidural and induction. The tension in my muscles finally dissipated, I drifted off for a nap. Then all of a sudden the midwives were waking me up - baby’s head had appeared! The sudden dilation wasn’t great, baby’s heart beat was dropping. The obstetrician said “we’re going to birth your baby together”. One midwife pressed on my tummy and told me to push. The lights stayed low, candles on, but we switched from calming music to drum and bass to give me some drive!!

I felt the strength of the other women in the room, my mind focused and my body pushed. I prayed and I told myself, this baby is coming out safely no matter what. 10 minutes, an episiotomy and ventouse cups later, I heard a cry. I thought, you’re a strong one, I can rest now. We had skin to skin, delayed cord claiming and with a peek saw a little girl. “I’m your mummy and I love you”, I said. She looked at me with a wise expression as if to say, “I know you, you got this!” It was all I needed. Merida Bonnie was a healthy 7lb 10oz.

What I’ve realised is that the expectations I put on myself were unhelpful. I am much more open and honest about my thoughts and feelings now. We’ve had ups and downs with reflux and exclusive pumping. It took me a while to reconnect with my body. But I'm so proud of myself and I’ve learnt that from the stories, support and solidarity of other mamas! Combine this with an open mind and top tips from both the digital packs, and you can make any birth positive - if not at the time, then at least in your reflections afterwards.