Birth story - Rebecca and baby River

*Trigger warning* - Use of contraction is not negative to me

Background:

I had a relatively easygoing pregnancy, aside from pretty bad nausea up until 20 weeks (although I was only physically sick a couple of times) and low iron levels, which I had to take supplements for. However, when I was 36 weeks pregnant, I was sent by my midwife to have a growth scan as my bump was measuring large. The scan was a shock - my baby was estimated at 8lb 10oz by 37 weeks, and I was told that birthing him vaginally would result in permanent nerve damage in his shoulder and that I would likely suffer a 4th degree tear. They estimated that my baby would be 10 or 11lb at full term. This really upset me as I had hoped for a gentle, natural water birth and was told that this would no longer be possible. My options were either an induction at 38 weeks, or a scheduled caesarean at 39 weeks. I opted for the caesarean as it was the safest option for my baby, and it was scheduled for 23 Feb, a day before my due date. I was really anxious about a caesarean and read countless birth stories and educated myself about c-sections, to try and prepare myself mentally. I had to check my sugar glucose levels every day from 37 weeks, using a finger prick blood test, to make sure that I didn’t have gestational diabetes which might explain the size of my baby.

I received a phone call a week before my planned caesarean from a midwife at Frimley Park Hospital, saying that there was now availability to bring my caesarean forward to 21 Feb. I was in such discomfort that I wasn’t sure how long more I could hold on for. But after discussions with my husband, we decided to stick with the original date, thinking that this would allow more time for my baby to arrive naturally on his own.

On 19 Feb, I lost part of my mucus plug and I had my bloody show the next day. On the night of 21 Feb, as I was getting ready to go to bed, I thought to myself that tomorrow night (22 Feb) would be the last time I would be doing the same routine before I meet my baby on our planned caesarean date (23 Feb).

Labour:

My sleep was restless that night as in the early hours of 22 Feb I started to feel light period cramps. I didn’t think too much of it and managed to sleep through most of it, but I woke up at 6am and wasn’t able to get back to sleep. I woke my husband up and told him what I had been experiencing and it dawned on me that these could be contractions. I wasn’t sure what contractions were meant to feel like so I wasn’t sure, but decided to time them using the Freya app. We went downstairs and had breakfast, and meanwhile the surges were getting stronger and I was up breathing through all of it. I continued timing the contractions and the app told me that I was in established labour. I rang triage and must have sounded quite calm, as the midwife told me to take some paracetamol and have a bath, and to try and relax and see how I felt in a couple of hours. I took some paracetamol and my husband ran me a bubble bath and I tried to relax into it. Five minutes later, I felt the urge to go to the toilet and push, and the contractions were getting more intense, so I rang my husband and told him that we needed to go to the hospital ASAP! Despite this, somehow I was still not convinced that the midwives weren’t going to send me back home to labour and we said to each other that we could be coming back home shortly.

He helped me get dressed, hooked up the TENS machine for me, and packed up the car. As we were leaving the driveway I realised that we had a Tesco delivery arriving in an hour, and my husband rang his dad to ask him to receive the delivery for us. And then I realised that he hadn’t done a Covid test yet and could be denied entry into the hospital, so we made a slight detour to my mum in law’s to get a test. It felt like we would never make it to the hospital and the contractions were getting more intense by the second. I tried to cope with this by pumping up the TENS machine’s intensity, up breathing with my eyes closed and counting through the breaths.

When we arrived at hospital the parking was full, and we had to park on the second floor of the multi-storey carpark. As we made our way down the stairs we passed two elderly ladies, one of them said “good luck!”, which made me feel really emotional but also very supported. That journey from the car to the hospital entrance felt like forever, and I made my way with great difficulty. A man at the entrance of the hospital gave us the thumbs up and a big smile when he looked at me struggling to make it to the door. My husband said to him, “it’s go time!” which made me laugh.

Triage was thankfully surprisingly empty, we were the only ones there and didn’t have to wait long. A midwife took me into a room and hooked me up to a machine to measure the intensity and how far apart my contractions were, this went on for about 20 minutes. She said it was clear that I was having contractions and at this point gave me some codeine tablets for pain relief but this didn’t touch me at all. She asked for permission to do a vaginal examination to see how dilated I was, and although I’d previously thought that I would say no to the examination, in that moment I was desperate for things to speed up and agreed to it. When she told me that I was 5cm dilated, I started crying, partly from fear, partly because of the intensity of the surges, and partly because I now had some semblance of how long of a journey I had left to go - I had worried that I was not far along enough and would be sent home. The midwife said she would ring the doctors immediately and that someone would be in to see me.

Two obstetricians came into the room to speak to us, informing us that because I was already 5cm dilated, I would need to be rushed into an emergency caesarean. They warned that if baby was much further down the birthing canal by the time we got into theatre, the caesarean wouldn’t be possible and I’d need to give birth vaginally. This made me worry about the safety of my baby but I tried to focus on breathing through the surges. I was quickly ushered into another room to prep for surgery and I was offered gas and air - which provided very welcome relief as I focused on breathing into the nozzle. Two nurses helped me get changed into a gown and an anaesthetist put a cannula in my hand - I barely felt this part even though this was something I had been nervous about.

By this point, I was pretty dizzy from the gas and air while I was wheeled into theatre. I reluctantly let go of the gas and air and continued up breathing. My husband put on our chosen music for the surgery - an album called “In A Safe Place” by one of our favourite bands, The Album Leaf. Theatre was really bright, and there were lots of people there, but everyone was really friendly and welcoming, which helped to calm my fears as I started to feel safe and taken care of. I was hoisted onto the surgical table and asked to sit up (which I did with great difficulty!) and given the spinal block. Again I barely felt this, even though I had built it all up in my head as something to fear. As I lay on the table waiting for spinal to kick in, the anaesthetist said to me, “this will be the last contraction you will feel,” which was such welcome news. The anaesthetist checked that the spinal was working by spraying something cool on my leg and by my waist, to see if I could feel it. He asked me to keep communicating with him throughout the surgery - to let him know if I was feeling any pain or any nausea - as he would be able to give me something for it through the cannula. He then explained what I would be feeling shortly during the surgery - some pulling and tugging sensations. This did feel very odd, but I was in no pain at all, and both my husband and the anaesthetist, who were by my head, chatted to me to take my mind off what was happening.

The fact that my husband was with me, holding my hand, with my favourite music playing, made me feel safe and grounded. Before long, the anaesthetist asked if we would like to see the birth. We weren’t sure at first (as my husband gets queasy at the sight of blood) but when the anaesthetist said it was a really special thing to witness, we said ok, and before I knew it, I heard a loud cry and the drape was lowered and I saw my baby boy lifted into the air. My baby boy was born on 22/2/22 at 12.56pm.

When he was weighed and checked over, my husband went to see him, and the minutes it took for me to be stitched up felt like ages. My baby was given to me wrapped up in a towel for some skin to skin and that first moment of meeting him, which I had dreamt about for so long, was finally here. As I held him in my arms, he opened his eyes and stared at me, transfixed, and completely silent. He stayed like this for the next hour, just staring at me, as I was wheeled into the recovery room, and then the postnatal ward. I could barely hear the “congratulations” from the surgical team as I was just so focused on him. The franticness of the day and all my fears and worries all melted away as I looked into his eyes.

Despite not being able to have the water birth I wanted, I look back on my labour as a positive experience. I was so upset, scared and anxious the caesarean, but being in that theatre turned out to be my favourite part of the entire day. I’m ever so grateful to the team at Frimley Park Hospital for how they took care of me, and to The Positive Birth Company for helping me prepare mentally!