Birth story - Kristina and baby Kalina

*Trigger warning* - use of word contractions, mention of tearing (none of which are negative to me)

Hi PBC community! I am beyond excited to share my positive birth story, as I myself have been reading everyone's wonderful stories -- both in this group and on Instagram-- for SO long, and I am so happy to *finally* share my overwhelmingly positive story, after so much anticipation! It's a long one, so strap in!

Pre-pregnancy:

Circa September 2020, my partner Christian and I started talking about trying for a baby in the coming year or so, and it was at this point that I started taking prenatal vitamins, figuring we would start trying some time in the following spring of 2021. It was also at this time that I decided to start reading some baby/pregnancy books, just to learn a bit more. Thus I discovered hypnobirthing as a concept, and specifically Siobhan's book "Practical Ways to Make your Birth Better" which really resonated with me! Since then, I ended up reading probably close to 30-40 books all about pregnancy, hypnobirthing, child-rearing, child psychology… Only because I found it all so interesting! But Siobhan's book was always my favourite, and I started incorporating up-breathing and down-breathing (on the toilet!) into my daily life.

We did indeed start trying for a baby during my April 2021 cycle, and naively thought it was going to work right away. Even after months, lots of calculated attempts and temperature charting, ovulation strips, blood and sperm analyses, we weren't conceiving. We eventually got doctors' referrals to a fertility clinic while we were on a month-long work abroad trip in Mexico, and just had to pin down a date when we got back to Toronto. Luckily, we never had that appointment, because our 12th attempt in Mexico worked, and we got a positive pregnancy test a week before our return to Toronto! We were so happy and excited after what felt like forever!!

Pregnancy:

In Canada (more specifically in the province of Ontario, where I live) when you're pregnant, you can choose to be under the care of an OBGYN, or a team of midwives if you are considered low-risk. If any complication should arise during the course of your pregnancy, you are transferred to an OBGYN. Having read everything I read, and knowing what I know and considering my personal and family medical history, I chose to be under the care of midwives. With midwives, you can choose one of 3 places to give birth: at home, in the Toronto Birth Centre, or in hospital where your midwives have admitting privileges. Since we are only around 5 minutes from my local hospital where I was born as well, I chose to give birth in hospital, and spent the next 8 months mentally preparing for that.

I had a very healthy and uneventful pregnancy. We found out we were having a baby girl from a blood test at 11 weeks, and we were very happy! Besides sciatica which appeared at 20 weeks, and swollen hands, feet, and joint pain, I did OK. We even went on a fun European adventure for a few weeks in the summer, and I found that Europeans are very kind and doting on pregnant ladies! (I got to skip to the front of a lot of lines!)

I had been yapping Christian's ear off for 2 years at this point about hypnobirthing, and when I was around 30 weeks or so, we purchased the PBC video course and would watch and rewatch the videos in the evenings and practice some of the exercises. Even thought I already knew the content practically by heart, it was great for Christian to hear the details (from a source other than me!) and to talk about the content together. My last day of work was the end of my 38 weeks, two weeks before my due date.

My midwives mentioned the possibility of being induced at week 42, and I desperately wanted to avoid induction, as I really had my heart set on a birth free of interventions using the tools I learned from hypnobirthing. In the last several weeks of my pregnancy, I was drinking raspberry leaf tea, eating dates, going on walks and curb walks, perineal stretching, stretching my body regularly… My due date came and went, and even though I knew that due dates are calculated rather arbitrarily, I was still desperate to go into spontaneous labour in the not-too-distant future! I also downloaded the Freya app so I would be ready to go on the big day, whenever it was.

Labour:

On November 21st, at 41 weeks and 2 days, when I woke up to go to the bathroom at exactly 6:00am, I felt myself lose my mucus plug. Almost immediately, I started feeling period-like cramping. The sensations were mild and coming at every 15-20 minutes or so, so I managed to go back to sleep on and off, and got out of bed around 10am. I was pretty sure this was the real deal, as they were consistently coming on and no large gaps! I decided to get up and do things around the house, to see whether this was real labour, and to distract myself a bit. Christian works from home in a shed in our yard, so he would pop in from time to time to see how I was doing. My mom also popped by to wish me luck, once she heard this was it! From around noon onwards, my surges were getting more uncomfortable, so I would bend over and sway and breathe through each one. I was timing them with the Freya app, and while I was breathing, I wasn't counting the breaths exactly-- I just made sure to exhale longer than the inhale! I also found it comforting to vocalize the exhale.

At 12:15pm, we called the midwife pager number to let them know that it looked that I was in real labour, so they could plan their day. The protocol is that you ring them first, they usually come to your house to assess your progress, and then you head over to your place of birth when it is deemed appropriate. At this point, I was about 6-7 minutes apart, and my midwife on call that day thanked me for informing her of my status, and said to call again when I was around 4 minutes apart, and she would come over to assess me.

At some point, I started feeling quite uncomfortable back labour, and I assumed this was due to the baby being "sunny side up." While the surges would come and go, that back labour was a constant pressure that didn't ebb and flow, so that was quite uncomfortable-- it felt like what I could best describe as a dull but powerful constant pain in my kidneys. I started using the TENS machine to manage this more comfortably. I also ate some soup and was drinking plenty of liquids during this time.

By around 4:30pm, Christian dipped out of work early, as I no longer felt like being alone, and I really appreciated his counter-pressure on my back. I started bouncing on the yoga ball in the living room, and would hold onto Christian when I felt the need, as he was sitting on the couch beside me. I was timing the surges, and they were at very strange intervals and timings-- they were getting closer and closer together, but the lengths varied greatly; I felt like I was having doubles all the time, and looking back at my Freya app, many surges were lasting well into the 200-second mark. The TENS machine was helping with these sensations.

At 7:30pm, we rang the midwife again to tell her I was 3-4 minutes apart (again, difficult to tell because of the consistent back labour and the double whammies!) but she asked to listen to me, and it was clear that I was unable to speak through the surges and I was getting increasingly uncomfortable, but still managing sensations. She said she would be over as soon as she finished her dinner (which she absolutely should do! It could be a long night!)

Soon after our call, around 8pm, I realized I hadn't been to the washroom in a while, and felt like I needed to empty my bladder. The short walk to the toilet was quite a challenge, and I had to take a break on my hands and knees before getting there. Once I sat down on the toilet and released my pelvic muscles, that is when things really ramped up: In addition to peeing, I felt my water break, and also my bowels got VERY relaxed (if you know what I mean). Things got VERY intense and I felt like I was really emptying out my body, which also felt like a relief. I wasn't timing surges because I found it very hard to keep my eyes open and to get comfortable on the toilet, as I had that consistent back labour, but I basically felt like I was just getting wave after wave, and liquids just kept coming out of my body! I was just trying to breathe through it all.

I must have been in the washroom around 20-30 minutes, but I just couldn't move off the toilet! I wasn't getting a break in the surges, and I didn't have the strength to clean myself before getting up and leaving, and I just kept expecting more liquids to leave my body! Christian would knock on the door and ask if I was OK, and I would answer that I was, but that I just needed another moment! Around 8:45 or so, I heard Courtney, our midwife, arrive, and she and Christian came knocking again to ask how I was. I said through the door that I was OK, but again, I just didn't have the strength to clean myself and get up. After waiting a bit, Courtney said through the door, "Kristina, I'd really like to assess you, because I think the pressure might be the baby." I eventually let her in, as the surges were also somewhat subsiding, and she said that at the next break I got, she would help me clean up and just walk a few feet over to the bed so that she could assess me (for the first time that evening). She SOMEHOW helped me get up, clean up, and helped me walk the 6-7 paces across the hall to the bedroom. It felt so nice to lay down, as I hadn't laid down in many hours, and I felt the surges subside a bit more and I was much more comfortable.

Courtney set up a towel under me and gave me my first vaginal examination on the bed (which felt like nothing). A few minutes later, she said, "Yup, just as I thought, you're 10 centimeters." Well, you would have knocked me over with a feather, if I weren't already laying down! She said, "What do you want to do now? We can white-knuckle it to the hospital down the street, or we can have the baby here." I knew my answer very well: "I BARELY made it across the hall to this bed-- I absolutely can't move! We're having the baby here!" When I said those words, I felt the most wonderful sense of relief spread through my whole body, knowing that I didn't have to go anywhere! Courtney said this was fine, but to keep in mind that if any complications arose, we would have to somehow get to the hospital. I said, "That's fine, we'll cross that bridge when we get there! For now, I can't move!"

Looking back, I was clearly going through transition while I was on the toilet, and by the time I got to the bed, my body was already shifting to the down stage of labour, hence why I was more comfortable. The back labour was also completely gone at this point, which was a huge relief.

Christian came in, and Courtney let me "deliver" the news to him that I was 10cm dilated and we would be having the baby at home, and his face was priceless! Courtney called her backup team to come and to bring the necessary supplies, and she told Christian to grab extra towels in the meantime. She told me any time I felt the need to push, that I could listen to my body and push. Christian brought me a wet facecloth which felt SO nice and cool and dark covering my eyes and forehead, and really got me in the zone (the dark cave!). I ended up keeping this towel on for practically my entire pushing stage, so there were many parts of my labour I didn't actually see, but that is what felt good at the time.

The first few pushes weren't very "productive," as I couldn't really coordinate my breath and muscles to help push or breathe the baby out. Courtney noticed this, and lightly pushed on my perineum to help me identify where to focus my energy. I found this very helpful, and told her she could continue doing that while I was pushing. I lay on my side for a while, pushing. Our philosophies here did differ a little-- I assumed I would be "breathing" the baby out, whereas Courtney was more coaching me to hold my breath and push, which I hadn't really expected. I eventually got a good rhythm and technique down which included a bit of conscious pushing (without injuring myself) and a bit of taking a big breath when I needed it. Everything I read about the pushing stage was absolutely true-- it does feel much better than the "up" stage of labour, and your body completely involuntarily pushes! I suppose you just help it along if you focus, but that is all you're doing: helping a process which is already happening. (After delivery, I had no pelvic floor issues whatsoever, no incontinence issues, and at my 8-week postpartum physio appointment, the physiotherapist was very happy with the state of everything!)

A little while later, around 10pm or so, the other midwife and student arrived with all the necessary supplies (I later got a look at them-- they had EVERYTHING you could possibly need to help with delivery, including an oxygen tank!) Between the three of them, plus Christian beside me on the bed supporting my head and leg, they encouraged and monitored me while I pushed on my hands and knees (which I eventually found too uncomfortable on my wrists) and eventually on my other side. Between surges, I was completely relaxed, chatting with my team, telling jokes… I remember having some coconut water which tasted like heaven! The midwives were monitoring my blood pressure and the baby's heartrate every few minutes, and said we were both handling labour well.

This was all happening on November 21st, which is the last day of Scorpio, Christian's sign. During my whole pregnancy, we assumed we would be having a baby Scorpio, as my due date was almost 10 days earlier. Around 10:30pm, Christian asked, "Do you think it's possible that this baby will still be a Scorpio?" and the midwives said "It's totally possible!" which told me I was close to the end!

When the baby was close to being born, I could feel my midwives stretching out my perineum to aid with the baby coming out-- this certainly wasn't comfortable, but it felt like a ramped-up version of the perineal stretches we had been doing in preparation! Eventually, I felt the "ring of fire" and I could tell by my team's reactions that the head was coming! I did feel myself tear, but in all honesty, within the context of what was happening, it really wasn't that bad! It was only a moment of pain in that specific spot. I was still enjoying the wet facecloth over my eyes, so I didn't see this, but Christian later told me that my baby's head came out with the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck, but it was loose enough that the midwives were able to slip it over her head (nobody said anything out loud at the time, so I didn't know this while it was happening!). A push or two later, and she was out-- at 11:45pm, just in the nick of time to be a Scorpio like her daddy! They put her on my stomach, and I couldn't believe she was here! She took her sweet time to start breathing, so the team was vigorously rubbing her to get her going, but she eventually turned a lovely pink colour and let out a beautiful little cry! Christian and I were looking at each other and couldn't believe we had a baby!!

We had delayed cord clamping for a few minutes, and Christian cut the umbilical cord. My midwives administered an injection of pitocin in my thigh (which I said I only wanted if necessary, so I guess it was necessary. I felt absolutely no side effects or cramping) and they helped clean me up. Around 10 minutes later, I delivered the placenta, which felt like absolutely nothing.

The team was absolutely amazing. During labour, if they needed anything, they would just ask where to find it and go get it themselves. After the baby was born, they gave me a local anesthetic and sewed up my tear right there in the bed, which healed beautifully and I had no complications or infections in the weeks following. They gave the baby all the procedures and shots we requested, weighed her, cleaned her up, filled out all the paperwork. They helped me go to the washroom, and they EVEN changed our sheets! I can't tell you how beautiful it felt to give birth, have my baby there, experience all the euphoria associated, get cleaned up, and then go to a clean bed!! It was heaven!

(I should also add that they come to YOU for your first checkups, so I was able to have appointments in my pajamas for a week, like a queen!)

Very soon after our baby was born, as I was coming to my senses and realizing my incredible new reality, one of the first things I said was, "That wasn't so bad! I could do that again-- not tomorrow, but I could do it again!"

Even writing down and reliving this experience, I am filled with euphoria and pride at not only my wonderful body that did a great job at growing and delivering my baby, but also at my excellent research and confidence going into labour. I was SO CONFIDENT in my body's ability to do this, that I truly believe I manifested the birth of my dreams. Even the unexpected stay at home was such a blessing-- I think that it couldn't have gone better even if I had planned to stay at home!

This was my first labour and birth, and I can say in all honesty that it was not half as "bad" as I was prepared for or expecting! I can say that parts of it were "uncomfortable" or "challenging," and that I felt "pressure" and "intensity," but I cannot use the word "painful" or "excruciating" for any part of it. Christian had strict instructions to support me during any wobbles or moments that I expected to say, "I can't do this!" but those moments never happened and I never said anything of the sort. There was no part of labour that I felt scared or unsure of what was happening; I was simply prepared for an intense experience, I knew the best ways that I could help my body deliver my baby, and I knew the best ways to keep myself calm and comfortable while it was happening.

If I can leave any soon-to-be moms out there (or ones new to hypnobirthing) with any parting words, it is that your education on the matter WILL make a difference! It doesn't matter what kind of birth you end up having; I've heard moms with all kinds of birth stories say that they loved their births. Educate yourself so you can advocate for yourself, try to get the best possible team, educate your birth partners, and trust your amazing bodies! YOU CAN DO THIS! We are amazing!!!

Xoxo