Birth story - Isra'a and baby Ruqaya

**Trigger**- induction and crash emergency c-section to save our lives as I passed out. Near death experience. Both in ICU.

Trigger warning- half way through I will mention the trigger if you want to stop reading as my experience is quite rare and some may find it scary.

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I learned about the Positive Birth Company through my friend who had a lovely home birth. I watched the videos with my husband from about week 30 and listened to positive affirmations every night. Everything made so much more sense and even helped me see my first birth in a more positive way. I went to lengths making sure I was even more prepared and I definitely did feel more prepared this time round!

My story didn’t go as planned at all and it took me 3 months to accept it, but I love the idea of hypnobirthing and I think it’s great and it works for most people. I was reluctant to share my story at first as it was quite an ordeal but my husband Ali keeps telling me how great I did and that even though things got serious, it was quite a beautiful positive experience to begin with.

I had my son in the UK 4 years ago. With him I really wanted a water birth but that didn’t happen! I had contractions for 4 days straight every 5 minutes. (Prefer to say contractions as I got used to it). On the 3rd day my waters broke but it didn’t speed things up. That night they let us stay in hospital as he’d stopped moving so had constant monitoring. On the 4th day I was exhausted as I hadn’t had a wink of sleep for 3 nights so got an epidural (that was epic!). I could still move and walk around. But that evening baby’s position wasn’t great and after two hours of pushing they said we would try forceps and if that didn’t work then c-section. Forceps worked with episiotomy and he finally arrived! 96 hours from start to finish! I didn’t get a golden hour with him, instead just watched from afar as his dad held him. I felt I missed out. He was also born with a lump on his head because of the position he was in and it took a few months and a few scans before it went down naturally. He was fine though that’s the main thing. But I really wanted second time round to be smoother and less involvement from the doctors and I really wanted a water birth. At least thanks to this course I look back and see that I tried my best and I’m happy with that.

We relocated to Singapore 4 years ago, a few months after my son was born so my second baby we decided to stay in Singapore and have her here. I had a fairly easy pregnancy, only one episode with less movement and she never changed position from week 28 I think, she’d been head down in optimum position and stayed in that position till birth! Pregnancy was great but I had terrible insomnia sometimes sleeping only 1 hour and even struggling to sleep during the day.

Now it’s all gynea-led here in Singapore so I saw the same doctor throughout pregnancy and into birth (and that was really nice tbh!). In Singapore they’re not that familiar with water births or hypnobirthing, in fact only two Hospitals provide water pools and you have to pay extra for it. Home births are almost unheard of. I decided to pay extra and opt for a water birth in the hospital as I felt safe there and preferred being there in case I needed my doctor. I’m Glad I did that now!

The other issue we faced was that most women get induced by 40 weeks if baby hadn’t arrived by then, depending on your doctor they might be willing to wait to 41 weeks. Our doctor was great and didn’t mind us waiting longer, so we stretched that as much as we could. I had 3 sweeps on weeks 39 (2cm dilated), 40 (3cm) and 41 (4cm) but all it did was give me a lot of contractions for a day or two and I lost my show but nothing else happened. I did EVERYTHING to try to induce naturally but sadly that didn’t happen. My mum came to visit but only for a short period of time so I was desperate to have the baby while my mum was around so she’d be there to look after our son. However, no amount of currys, pinapples or walking did the trick! For weeks before I was due, and after due date, I walked 2-3 miles per day, even uphill and stairs. I drank raspberry tea leaf every day from week 30 onwards and increased the number of teas in the weeks leading up to my due date. I had Braxton Hicks contractions regularly from week 30 and they increased in number and intensity leading up to the due date. I wanted to do acupuncture to induce labour but they said I couldn’t as my heart rate was too high. I even ‘gave up’ and gave in and accepted that baby will take her time and come when she’s ready but she still didn’t . My mum arrived on my due date the 16th and was due to fly back on the 28th so I was desperate for this baby to come while she was here. For some reason we hadn’t expected to be late as my son arrived on his due date. I remember reading many stories to see if there was something else I could try to self induce. The stories kept me patient at least!

Eventually on the 26th (41+3) we made the decision with our doctor to have an induction as we’d waited as much as we could and also as my mum would be there to look after our son while we were in hospital. We don’t have anyone we know in Singapore so childcare would have been difficult so decided to make the most of her remaining time. I was quite tired as well by this point and getting a lot of pain and stiffness in my legs and back so really wanted baby to come now. I prepped myself by reading positive induction stories and we were confident and positive that although it ended being an induction we could do it. We were excited and couldn’t wait to meet baby!

They start inductions at midnight so we put our little one in bed at 8 pm, got last minute bags and tried to get 2 hours sleep before we set off.

Once at the hospital they checked me over, blood pressure and baby’s heart rate etc. I was on the monitors for about almost an hour. Then I had the pessary inserted and was sent to our room. We’d paid for a single bedded room and it was really beautiful and spacious. There the contractions started at 3am and I welcomed each one, it felt great! It was a really beautiful night I actually enjoyed being in labour and my husband was great with the snacks and support. I used the app and timed each one, listened to the soundtracks, used my tens machine, did up breathing with each one and really loved welcoming each wave knowing I could do it and was one step closer to meeting her. The contractions came every 2 minutes and lasted well over a minute but they were manageable and I stayed on green pretty much the whole time even when it got to the peak! I put that down to being quite content and the prep paid off!

However at 6 am it slowed down to every 15 minutes. At 9 am my gynea came in and said next step would be to break my waters so we went down to the pool room and did just that to kick things off again. It really did get it going!

I started having contractions every 2 minutes from about 10am onwards. There was barley a break and they got incredibly intense pretty quickly. From 10 am to about 12 midday I was coping though they were getting really intense and I would get to struggle to get back to green as they stronger. I couldn’t get in the pool just yet, I think I was at 4 cm maybe 5 but they encouraged me to wait a bit more. So I went into the shower and the shower on my back gave some relief. I got quite tired of sitting on a stool or standing in the shower so hobbled back to the bed with help.

From about 12 midday I felt different, I felt unwell actually. I couldn’t move from the intensity of the contractions and each one came every two minutes and lasted a long time, on average almost 2 minutes long, some would last 3 minutes. I couldn’t talk either, so couldn’t communicate what I was feeling and what I needed. There wasn’t much of a break in between and I was silently struggling as I couldn’t talk. My husband would do the talking based on what he thought I needed as we had prepped from before. They told me to go into the pool soon after midday. With difficulty my husband helped me get in and again I couldn’t move once I was in. I thought this must be it I must be close as I felt that I don’t think I could manage much more. There was some relief as the midwife and my husband took turns pouring water over my bump which sorta helped (maybe as a distraction) but the intensity was still there and increased to quite unbearable intensity, I was on red but kept on going thinking any minute now she’ll be here. There was no sign of her coming down though. After about an hour or two (not aware of timings), the two midwifes said I should get out as apparently it was slowing down (but for me it felt the same). I never even saw these midwifes as I wasn’t able to open my eyes. Just before I got out I managed to tell my husband ‘epidural, reached limit’ literally all I could muster. I felt quite unwell and couldn’t open my eyes. Though I had prepped him not to let me get an epidural but to keep encouraging me as he had the past few hours I think he could tell something was off and he requested the epidural (the sweetest thing I heard). Again with difficulty probably around 2 pm they helped me back on the bed and that’s when things went downhill dramatically and I began passing out.

***Trigger warning - don’t read the rest if you don’t want to!***

Once in the bed again I was just slumped on the bed and not moving or opening my eyes or talking and I began passing in and out without anyone realising. The aneathesist took a while to come as well which made matters worse! The midwifes kept putting a mask on my face and I didn’t know what it was at the time but it made everything worse and I passed out every time they put it on. Turns out it was gas and air to help me ‘relax’ but no one asked if I wanted it! I passed out every time they did this and no one knew as I haven’t been moving for hours. Anyway the epidural took a long time, I was in agony and unwell and couldn’t speak or move. I was 7 cm (I don’t even remember being checked) and Ali kept telling me how great I had done to get to 7cm!

Finally when the aneathesist came, apparently she did a very rushed job then told everyone they can leave me to sleep for an hour. They all the left the room!!! Even the midwifes. Only my husband was around. He was also going to pop out for a bit too but luckily he noticed the machines beeping away and me not waking. I had passed completely and didn’t wake up this time. He pressed the emergency button and about 20 people came in apparently, my gynae included. He overheard her and another doctor questioning the aneathesist on the epidural dosage, apparently it was too high and in the wrong location. Things took a turn for the worse, Ali says they couldn’t wake me at all, my heart rate had slowed and I’d stopped responding. They kept doing heart compressions to keep it going and called a cardiologist from another hospital to come in quickly. My blood pressure had also gone so low it went off the charts.

My gynae was quick to act and rushed me for an emergency c-section (known as a crash emergency section to save our lives). My husband wasn’t allowed in at that point, poor guy he thought he’d lost us by this point. I remember waking briefly in theatre struggling to breath and had lost language ability, couldn’t understand or communicate anymore. Then passed out again and only woke up again a few hours later in intensive care. That’s when I found out I’d had a c-section and everything that had happened to me!! It was just past 9pm by this point. Ruqaya was born at 5.43 pm and was immediately rushed to ICU as well and I wasn’t even able to see her till the next day, that was the most painful part for me. Ali kept going from one ICU to the other to see us both. I had many Nurses come congratulate me that night for making it!

My heart scans since have been normal and the cardiologist says if they were just minutes late with the c-section it could have been a whole different story. He says my body only started responding again when they got the baby out. My gynae saved our lives that day.

My baby Ruqaya recovered well and the next day she was discharged from ICU to a normal ward and I finally met her about 19 hours later! Ever since I have been extremely attached to her compared to when my son was born. I can’t cope even hearing her cry it breaks my heart and reminds me what she went through all alone in ICU. This was by far the hardest thing for me and I cried a lot because I not only didn’t get the golden hour I craved, but I didn’t even see my baby or hold her till the next day. It’s too painful even now to think about. When she was finally brought to me in ICU the next day and I got to meet her it was love at first sight. She’s an angel sent down from heaven and we are so overjoyed by her.

A few days later we begged them to let us go home early as my heart and blood pressure had gone back to normal and our bill was ginormous (we don’t have insurance big mistake!) . We got the all clear to go. But then I started getting severe headaches and neck stiffness literally the same hour we were on our way home. I was completely bed ridden for a few days at home as the headaches and stiffness would only come when I get up. I completely lost appetite and lost 11kg in a week. Turns out this was all because of the botched epidural. So a week later I was back in theatre to sort out that problem. They had to fill up the hole in my back that was causing all this. The next day after surgery I was fine again!

What happened to me was rare. We have gone back since to have a chat with my gynae about it all and it seems it was inevitable as I’d already started passing out from the intensity of the contractions before the epidural was given. I have struggled to make peace with it all and I still get flashbacks of the bright white light I was in when I passed out, I didn’t even realise I was dying at that point. It will take time to heal.

All I know if that if we do ever have a third baby it will most definitely be a planned c-section as I can’t risk my heart and body failing on me again. But at least it will be a positive experience and I’ll know I’m having a c-section then! Believe me it’s so weird to wake up and find out I’ve had a c-section without any knowledge.

However, I’m grateful to be alive and hold my baby and savour each moment. Thanks to this course I was able to be prepared for all scenarios which I think still helped even though none of them went to plan! One thing I’d note is that contractions after induction are definitely more intense than when I had them naturally with my son.

What’s happened has happened. The only thing I’d note is that after doing this course and focusing and visualising on what I want so much I.e. having a water birth naturally, it made me feel quite upset when my body stopped responding and put both our lives at risk. I think that’s the only downside, yes our bodies are designed for this but in my case (and I’m sure it’s rare) it wasn’t able to handle it.

Sorry it’s been a long story but hope it helps someone know that it’s ok if things don’t go how you want, know that you are strong either way. The main thing after my experience is for both you and baby to be ok and be able to hold your baby in your arms.

Despite all this, the course has enabled me to see birth in a positive way and to be excited about it rather than scared.