Birth story - Whitney and baby Mío

*Triggers*-mention of subchorionic hematoma, mention of the word “pain”

These posts seriously kept me calm and sane my entire pregnancy, so I’m so excited to get to share mine now! After an HORRENDOUS first trimester with a subchorionic hematoma (giant blood clot in my uterus basically) and being told to have “cautious optimism” about being able to carry my baby boy full term I started searching positive birth stories on YouTube. I came across PBC and purchased the course hoping it would help me to curb my anxiety and educate me about what in the heck was going on with my body...which is EXACTLY what this course did. Having a background as a yoga teacher and a strong meditation practice I felt this was right up my alley. Especially since my husband was absolutely not comfortable with a home birth and we really didn’t/don’t have a birthing center near us. I knew I would be delivering in hospital.

Fast forward to the beginning of week 38 of my pregnancy. At my 38 week check I was 1 cm dilated and 25% effaced and offered a sweep, which I denied. Instead, I came home and meditated. I ate good food and started editing a video about our pregnancy journey to “There Will Be Time” by Mumford and Sons to get the oxytocin really flowing. (Talk about bawling my eyes out. ) 38 + 4 I lost my mucus plug in the shower but still felt nothing going on. I kept editing my little video and crying my eyes out and cuddling with my dog while my husband started to worry I was having a breakdown or something. The afternoon of 38 + 5 my pup started acting super strange. Wouldn’t let my husband get near me and would not leave my side. I joked that she knew it was about to happen...for the record; THEY KNOW! Around 9 that night I started noticing what felt like extremely mild period cramps. I decided I was going to stay up for awhile after my husband went to sleep and turn all the lights down and listen to my Freya affirmations to see what would happen. Why not. About 1 in the morning I tried to lay down in bed and as soon as I’d start to nod off I would feel a little something. By this point, I realized if they were starting to wake me up then this might be it. I definitely still did not feel “pain” though. Just pressure and intensity where I normally would have period cramps. I came back down stairs and started stretching a bit and continued listening to my Freya app. I also started timing my surges at this point.

By 3 am I realized “holy s***” this is definitely it. I still did not want to wake my husband up at this point. I’m not sure why but I just felt this intense want to be by myself, in the quiet and dark. I turned the lights off and decided to light a candle and get in the bath. My surges were about 7 min apart before I got into the bath, and AS SOON as I layed back in the tub I didn’t have another one for 12 minutes. (This only reaffirmed for me wanting to be on my hands and knees at delivery.) Once I got situated in the tub leaning forward the warm water was heavenly for helping me relax and helping the intensity of my surges. The moment I leaned forward I had a surge. 4 minutes later, another one. 7 minutes later, another. 2 minutes later, here comes another. I decided to wake my husband up at 5:30...who proceeded to make a coffee and take the dog for a walk while I was having a pee. He jokes now HE didn’t even take me seriously because I was so calm when I woke him up. And honestly at this point I didn’t even take myself seriously because I was so worried I would get to hospital and be told I was 3 cm and sent home since I could still walk and talk normally and didn’t feel panicked.

WRONG. We arrived to the hospital at 6:45a. After joking with the check in ladies I’d probably see them in a few minutes again because I said I didn’t think I needed a wheelchair...and them telling me “Oh honey, you will KNOW when you’re in active labor. And you’ll need the wheelchair,” a nurse finally was able to check me at 7:20a. I was over 7 cm she said! “OH, hope you’re ready to meet your baby today,” she told me. SHOWTIME. Luckily the hospital was very empty and they got me into a room within 10 or 15 min. I jumped (ok, crawled) into the labor tub with my headphones in, my Freya app going, my lavender spray, and the “No Man’s Land” scene from Wonder Woman. I was Diana, my husband was Steve, Steve’s pals were my medical team, and my surges were the Germans.

After sitting at 9.5 cm for about 30 minutes and my water still not breaking my doctor offered to break it for me, which I accepted at this point even though I was adamant I wanted ZERO interventions. I’m glad I did, in hindsight, because I was EXHAUSTED already at this point and suddenly could not stop throwing up. He had me move from the tub to the bed (they wouldn’t deliver in the water) and broke my sac. As he was walking out the door and saying “I’ll just be outside when you start to feel like you HAVE to pus...” I started yelling he needed to get over here N O W. Sure enough, it was time to push. My body was wearing and they won’t let you eat in the US unfortunately, so I was also starting to get lightheaded and exhausted. For one second I started to panic. I started yelling that I had ABSOLUTELY nothing left in me to give. My muscles felt like jello and my arms and legs were shaking like hell. Bless my doctors heart, he started telling me “Girlfriend, get your head together! You can do this! You’ve been a bad ass this far! I saw you watching the Wonder Woman clip over there! You’re an Amazonian bad ass! You can do this! BREATHE. BREATHE.” Which brought me right back to reality and reminded me about my down breathing. The third and final push I took a deep breath and reminded myself I was MADE to do this...I gave it literally every single thing I had left in my body, mind, and spirit...and out popped my perfect 8 lbs bright eyed little fighter at 10:28a. Literally, eyes wide open the second the doctor said he was out.

Ladies, after this experience all I have to say is advocate for yourself! I can’t tell you how many eye rolls and “oh just wait and see once it’s happening” comments I got telling people I planned to have a natural birth with little to no intervention. Especially as a FTM. Remain open, have a plan for every scenario, know that your plan might go to s***. But also know that it is possible to remain calm, cool, and collected...and have the birth that you want and imagine.