Tara’s Story

I’ve got under active thyroid, so we thought we may struggle to conceive. We started trying in Jan and we were a bit shocked to find we had conceived the very first month! 

We went on our honeymoon to South Africa at the beginning of March and had been there nearly two weeks when the government called everyone back to the UK only to find our return flights cancelled with no option to rebook. We were in such a panic, as my 12-week scan was in the week we were supposed to be back in the UK and we had almost a week of frantically trying to book any alternative flight at all. I tried calling round several clinics in South Africa to book a scan there as was worried about the 12 week deadline for the fetal health checks and couldn’t get anyone to see me. At one point we thought we may have to rent a flat out there for a few months, as we couldn’t get any flights at all! 

Eventually we made it home to go straight into lockdown. I was on furlough from then until late August and started working from home in the midst of the heatwave on my third trimester. I worked until my due date on the 4th of October. My husband, Dan’s, thirtieth birthday was on the 6th October so I was telling people that I had never been so organised, planning his big present for nine months. However as with most of my best plans the present was slightly delayed, and then very delayed!  

I was very nervous and wary of hospitals after my mum’s traumatic death on the wards four years ago, and I had experienced panic attacks when visiting hospitals since. For this reason, I was really hoping for a midwife led birthing unit. I went in for a sweep at 40+10 and was told if it didn’t work, I would be booked for an induction the next day. I felt gutted that my natural water birth dream was about to turn to dust! But I went away and we had a very long walk after the sweep and a curry that night. 

My Induction was booked for 10am and I went into natural labour at 2am that morning, so we got to go to the Birth Centre. I tried to cope as long as possible at home, but we went into the Birth Centre at 9am and made very slow progress. I found the hypnobirthing breathing techniques helped me keep calm and I listened to Harry Potter audio books. The room was set up to create the perfect birthing environment and I was able to be in the pool for a bit in the late afternoon. My husband was supporting me all day by squeezing my hips with every contraction but at about 7.30pm, having only had diacodine, the midwife said I was stuck in the latent phase of labour and I had only progressed to 3cm. 

I was finding the contractions really intense and was starting to panic about how much worse they would get, so decided at that point to transfer ourselves to Newham Hospital for an epidural. I was so worried about being in the car and having contractions but the thought of having pain relief as soon as we got to hospital made it seem worth it. 

However when we got to the hospital it was awful. It became an incredibly stressful event. We hadn’t realised that once we got to the hospital, partners were not allowed to accompany birthing women and after coming to rely on my partner’s help getting through the contractions, Dan was not even allowed into the triage waiting room with me. We had to wait in the hospital corridor outside and I became more and more panicked as we were made to wait more than two hours before being seen. After arriving at the hospital at 7.30pm already panicked and exhausted from labouring all day it wasn’t until 12.30am that I was given any pain relief. When I arrived at the maternity triage I was 4cm and by the time the doctor had examined me in the epidural room at 12.30am, I had gone down to 3cm and my blood pressure was sky high, as I was so panicked and in pain. 

I was given gas and air and an epidural and my husband was finally allowed back with me at 1am. When my husband arrived in the room he said, “Are you sure Bryony? As you kept saying that if you asked for an epidural not to let you have one”. At which point I nearly bit his head off and the nurse who was in there said I probably needed the epidural, as my body was fighting the contractions and the baby would get distressed if the labour went on too long. Once I had the epidural I asked how long the labour would take from then, as I was so exhausted. They said six to seven hours at least. At that point I was pretty horrified, so when an hour after the epidural the baby’s heart rate was dropping with every contraction, we were rushed for an emergency C-section. I was relieved at the thought of seeing my baby within the hour. 

Continued… It wasn’t the birth we had planned but with hindsight as Alyssa was twelve days late, I was really lucky to have experienced the day at the Midwife-led Centre and have my husband by my side. 

After the birth it was found we were both suffering from an infection and were put on antibiotics. I was officially discharged after two days but it was found Alyssa had high infection blood count and we had to stay in hospital for a week for her to have antibiotics injected via her hand. We were absolutely devastated to have to spend our first week as a family living separately from my husband, having spent every day together for months. Dan had a two hour visiting window every day. 

The first week, recovery was absolutely exhausting. As soon as I would feed the baby and put her down thinking I could get a bit of sleep, someone would walk into our room and wake us up. The cleaner came in three times a day and there were various nurse checks. Interruptions around the clock. I was so sleep deprived, it felt like an endurance test! When my husband visited I just wanted to pass the baby to him and sleep, so it was quite lonely stuck in the same room for a week not knowing if it was night or day.  

At one point a lovely student midwife put Alyssa in my arms and said it’s nice to hold them when they are not crying and just have some bonding time. I hadn’t even thought to do that, I was just too tired. I had to reframe my thoughts to be able to enjoy having that one-to-one time with my baby and tell myself I was lucky to be able to have her all to myself for a bit. I found the hypnobirthing breathing really helped in that first week when I was feeling panicked about feeding and recovering from my C-section.  

I had one night where I just couldn’t get Alyssa to latch at all and she was screaming red-faced with hunger. I ended up sobbing as well and pulled the emergency cord at 4am. The lovely sister in charge of the ward spent an hour helping me to position her and hand express a bit of milk to fill her up a bit. I was told my nipples were a bit inverted which was making it hard to latch and after a frantic phone call I got my husband to bring in nipple shields first thing in the morning which helped straight away. 

The positives were that I was able to see a breastfeeding specialist twice whilst we were there, so had a lot of support for that first week and other midwifes were also able to offer feeding advice round the clock which I certainly wouldn’t have had if I’d been at home. And I was able to rest and was fed 3 hot meals a day with no washing up. After finding that first week so hard, being at home with less interrupted sleep, everything felt like a breeze! 

I feel really lucky I was able to experience the relaxed natural labour ward with my husband by my side, as if I had ended up with my induction we would only have experienced the highly medicalised approach to birth. But if we hadn’t been in hospital the infection (due to suspected waters breaking early) may not have been picked up and we would have gone home for a few days only to end up back in hospital, which would have been so much worse. 

After being at home and more relaxed I managed to wean Alyssa off the nipple shields in two days and we have been okay with the breastfeeding ever since.

What I have enjoyed the most throughout my pregnancy is....

My husband has been able to work from home so we were able to spend a lot of quality time together before our daughter was born.

Since becoming a mother I have discovered...

How incredible the female body is, not only to heal itself after birth but to kick into action and feed my baby at the same time.  i have also discovered a new sense of calmness in myself, living in the moment and taking each day as it comes.

I love The Positive Birth Company because....

I found the variety of birth stories helped mentally prepare me for different possibilities. I was determined to have a natural, low intervention birth at the midwife-led birthing centre and was worried it might be traumatic if things didn't go the way I had wanted. I had a strong aversion to going into hospital after spending a lot of time in them before my mum died of breast cancer four years ago. But I had in the back of my mind that I might end up having a C-section and having read other positive birth stories through The Positive Birth Company I felt quite calm when it came to it.

SUPPORT

Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists Choosing to have a C-Section

After having my son eleven years ago, I became quite ill with inflammatory bowel disease. Not only did it take over four years to get diagnosed, but once diagnosed it hasn’t been controlled well and has been a bit of a rollercoaster. So when myself and my partner Aaron decided to try to conceive, we didn’t realise what a journey it would be. Sadly we miscarried three times, so decided to seek help and began checking our fertility. During this we discovered I had endometriosis, so decided to give ourselves a break from trying as disheartening as this was. It was in this period Aaron came home with two pregnancy tests and told me to just take them as I’d been super moody! With all the heartache we’d had, I reluctantly took them. To our joy, they were positive, which was exciting, overwhelming and terrifying all at the same time. I couldn’t believe it until I’d seen a doctor, though, so went the very next day to find out I was nearly three months!

Due to my bowel disease flaring up quite badly, I had a tough time through the pregnancy with bleeding and going on and off of steroids. But I stayed positive because I knew this was temporary and my baby would be here soon. We were also in the peak of lockdown, which was difficult but it actually meant we got some lovely time together as a family and I had no choice but to rest, as we know how difficult that can be as parents. We decided not to find out the gender of our baby so we could share this moment together during the birth, which ultimately was an amazing choice for us.

I was then told I was high risk, so it was recommended I have a c-section. I was happy for whatever was the safest for me and baby so went with the c section. It was all booked in for the 8th of October at 7:15am and we could not wait for that day to come. One week before this I started early labour but nothing came of this until 4:10am on the very morning I was scheduled to go in for the c-section. I woke up needing the toilet and feeling uncomfortable. I got to the toilet where I realised my waters had broke, so I called the hospital and they said to just stick to the original plan unless there is a drastic change. My contractions began at about twenty minutes apart so I lay in bed with a tea and hot water bottle for the next hour and a half just breathing through my contractions as Aaron kept timing them. By the time we arrived at the hospital my contractions were about six or seven minutes apart and I felt calm, although a bit nervous. 

Continued……

I walked myself in to theatre with Aaron by my side and it was the most surreal experience. The anaesthetist talked me through every step, he really was amazing and made us feel so comfortable. Aaron took the obligatory labour photos which I wasn’t fussed about at the time but now wish we had more to relive every moment over again. We were all smiles and laughs, talking and giggling together but just looking at Aaron I could feel how nervous we both were through all of the smiles. Then we were told in five minutes we would meet our baby. I began to shake, it didn’t seem real. We heard a little noise, then nothing. Then our baby arrived in all its glory and we could not stop our tears! It was the most overwhelming moment we had shared together and Aaron said proudly, “Omg! She’s a girl!“

Marla-Raye Felix was born at 9:15am weighing 8.14lbs and, despite all the worries, she could not be any more perfect.

We truly feel blessed to be her mummy and daddy.

What I enjoyed the most throughout my pregnancy is...

Having something each day to remind me how lucky I am and watching my body change for the positive.

Since becoming a mother I have discovered…

That women are amazing... we are super heroes! Plus that babies are like little mind readers that know when we are about to eat, sleep or pee - lol.

SUPPORT

The Miscarriage Association

Tommy’s Miscarriage information and support

Tommy’s short film Recurrent Miscarriage

My Crohns and Colitis Team

As everyone does, I had an idea of what I wanted my birth to be - at home, water pool, hypnobirthing exclusively, affirmations and my partner and I with the wonderful home birth team we had been assigned. It turned out to be a hospital birth, induced labour, interventions galore ending in an emergency C-section. I don’t actually think I’ve even come to terms with it four weeks on. I cry every time someone asks me and I don’t really want to talk about it. I read a book by a guy called Mo Gawdat and it was about what causes you to be unhappy and it’s the distance between expectation versus reality that kick starts an unhappy feeling within us. I unfortunately feel that with my birth although I can’t quite put my finger on the part that makes me so sad or perhaps it’s all of it not being what I thought, but I guess that’s just life. 

I was in medical terms overdue. I was 42+4 on a Sunday and, after a cry in the morning to let out my worry, “Why wasn’t he here yet?”, my partner and I went for a long walk, got coffee and cakes. We got home just in time for it to pour down. I changed back in to my PJs to settle for the night (my comfiest attire at that point, even though it was only 4pm!) and I had resigned myself to the fact that another day had passed and the next day I would have to go back to hospital for the additional monitoring and usual chat to decline again an induction and intervention. As I sat on the sofa after my twentieth wee that day, I felt a warm sensation and went to get up again for another one! To my surprise it was my waters breaking. I squeaked with excitement and shouted to my partner in the other room. We called the midwife and she immediately came out to check and confirm it was indeed my waters. She was on duty that night so once she had done all her checks, she left us to it saying she’d await our call later that night. I was a little excited and thought maybe we will get our water home birth still! But less than an hour later I checked the pad I was wearing to which my heart sank, it was a murky brown and I knew instantly it was Meconium. 

I sent a photo to the midwife and she called to confirm my thoughts. My partner and I calmly (as I look back now) got the hospital bag I had prepared just in case, and pulled together snacks and things, knowing we may not be leaving after just a few hours. I arrived at the hospital and the midwife had phoned ahead, so I was seen fairly quickly. My partner was allowed in to the ward also and we got comfy for the night. I was seen by the doctors and again the chatter around induction soon came up. I said I wanted to wait and give myself at least twenty-four hours to see if I went in to labour naturally. 

After all obs were done and my little boy’s heart rate was fine, I knew I wanted to give us this time as we had come so far, to allow my body to try. I listened to my PBC affirmations with my partner’s noise cancelling headphones - a God send on a ward with multiple women and a lot of screaming and shouting, which was unsettling. My partner could see this and knew I needed to block out the outside noise and listen to what made me feel calm. I played them over and over for hours. Listening again to parts of the course about positive induction and c-sections preparing myself. If it came to that, I would be ok as long as I could remember my breathing and hear the calming voice of the affirmations. 

Hours went by and I don’t remember how the time passed so slowly but also so very quickly, knowing induction would be top of the conversation when the doctors did their rounds in the morning. At this moment I don’t remember parts of my birth story or maybe I’ve blocked some of it out, but occasionally I get a flashback and it’s all so vivid. As expected, the doctors did their rounds and the one who saw me lectured me about the dangers of waiting and said I should have the drip ASAP. Again, after obs and knowing baby’s heartbeat and my own blood pressure was fine, I pushed back and said no. I was slowly dilating but just not to the medical timescale. Other than we ‘usually’ do this, there was no medical reason why I had to be induced still. I used BRAIN to discuss with my partner and we both agreed to wait a while longer. In that time we transferred to a private room and I started with surges, not regular but over a period of time they intensified. I used my breathing throughout and even managed a walk down to the hospital Pret to get more snacks, stopping on the way there, in Pret and on the way back with increasingly close surges. 

I was happy about this though, as it meant my body was doing what I had hoped. After agreeing to a VE back in the private room to see how dilated I was, I was disheartened to learn I was still only 3cm after twenty-plus hours. Again the induction and suggestion of the drip came up again, so I agreed. I don’t know why I did looking back now as it didn’t feel hundred percent right but I was getting tired of the constant asking and checking and I lost my resolve a little after not getting any rest. Things quickly snowballed and I was soon having very intense surges without any breaks. I also wasn’t eating so had decreasing energy. After using only my hypnobirthing techniques and a few tries on the gas and air (I didn’t like how it made me feel and it also distracted me from my breathing pattern) I tried to carry on but the pain increased significantly and being tired and, with a lack of food to fuel me, I agreed to an epidural. 

I declined pethidine after the midwife explained it could affect breastfeeding and I didn’t want that. It was incredibly difficult to sit still for the preparation and insertion of the epidural - about twenty minutes, which doesn’t seem long but when you have such a consistent pain and you are trying to focus on breathing, to me it was not easy at all. Once in, I did feel some momentary relief. The first trickle of pain relief I could literally feel like cold water running down my spine in to my lower back. I thought, “Oh great I can now rest, get back on track and get my energy levels to where they need to be to give birth”. Sadly, it wasn’t to be. Hours passed and although I had two ups of pain relief every thirty mins, I wasn’t feeling any relief. I told the midwife I could still feel everything and it was exhausting me further, plus I was worried why wasn’t I feeling the huge relief everyone tells you about. The anaesthetist came back and informed me this can happen - they could either redo the epidural or take it out. Realising if they took it out I was now out of pain relief options, I agreed to let them retry. If I thought sitting still for the first one was bad, this was even worse. Movement was becoming more and more limited, I was hooked up to machines for monitoring and lay on my back which was what I had said I never wanted. I struggled to keep the tears in. I was also now being sick because of the pain and the drip. It was horrendous and I not only felt helpless, but I was worried my fear and my pain would affect my little boy. Luckily the only saving grace was that his heart rate never faltered. It stayed the same throughout even to being born by C-section. That was the only thing that kept me in some way sane. Although I also now cried pretty much continuously in equal measures of pain and exhaustion. The second epidural did the same, it worked for thirty mins then it lost any relief for me. Only learning afterwards that there is something like a one-in-thousand people who don’t react to epidurals, I realised I was that stat. During this, the crying, the throwing up, the momentary passing out from the pain and exhaustion I had another VE, which again I had to be on my back for and caused me additional pain.

Continued…… As if it couldn’t get any worse the midwife informed me after another twenty-plus hours I was still only 7cm but now I was getting an intense feeling to push, it was overwhelming and I was telling the midwives how I felt but they said you can’t yet, as you’re not dilated enough but my body was pulling down and the pain was beyond anything I had ever felt before. The surges had not stopped for forty-plus hours and I was losing my strength to carry on. I was sobbing and asked my partner to please help me and have them do an emergency C-section. My body couldn’t continue in this way. I was even more distressed now. Knowing I couldn’t do it, I felt like I’d failed. For the epidural to be taken out again I had to be so still, virtually impossible I thought when in so much pain, but I went back to as I did before with my breathing and I copied my partner as he held me and breathed. The midwife held my hand too and did the same. I signed a form, not really hearing the explanation and risks of a C-section knowing I just needed some relief to gather myself back. I was now naked on all fours crying out, but trying to breath as they put a gown on me and I was wheeled to theatre. My partner appeared in scrubs and held my hand as we headed out of the room down corridor after corridor. I was lucid but the pain was intense still. 

Again in theatre, I was asked to be incredibly still whilst they did the spinal. Leaning forward over the bed into my partner he continued repeating the breathing to calm and focus me. I don’t know what I would have done without him there and his constant calm and reminder of how to breathe. After what felt like an eternity, I could again feel a cold trickle down my back in to my legs. The pain began to ease and my breathing became less laboured. I could feel the relief I had been waiting hours for. I noticed now the theatre, the team preparing for my section and it struck me firstly they were all women. This actually made me happy and then another woman doctor, who had been around during my labour and been checking on me but hadn’t been assigned to me directly, was performing the C-section. She had read my notes and obviously spoken to the midwife I had been with and she consoled me saying I know this isn’t what you had planned but this is what we can do to make it as natural and as calm as you would like now. She asked what music I would like and I instantly picked oceans sounds as I love the water being a Pisces and my little boy would being a Scorpio. As I had played ocean noises and waves throughout my pregnancy it would bring a calm to me and hopefully him as we tried to regain some sense of our birth plan. She had the room dimmed, she said she would do a natural caesarean and delayed cord clamping too. I cried with happiness that she had been so thoughtful and remembered and respected my wishes. As the spinal worked I felt calmer and they lay me down and asked did I also want the curtain dropping to watch him being born, I instantly said yes. My partner held my hand and I shook with adrenaline (the midwife said with the volume of painkillers and now the spinal I had I would feel a side effect of shaking). Again, my partner and the midwife reminded me of my breathing and it eased some. Moments later the curtain dropped and I watched my baby boy being born. The doctor talked me through it, my partner held my hand and also managed to record the whole birth. I watch it back now most days and I am in awe of this tiny little person I created and gave birth too. He was so long! I was shocked he just kept appearing bit by bit. 

They confirmed it was a boy and she also told me I’m now doing delayed cord clamping. He was fully out and he sat in the doctor’s arm calmly, it took a few seconds then he let out a little cry and my heart swelled. The room cheered and they prepared him for me for my skin to skin. I was so overwhelmed and once in my arms I began talking to him and he stopped crying. His little hands and face perfect in every way. I had dreamed of this day for so long and then some, so it was amazing to finally hold him and meet him, the love of my life. They say when you hold your baby for the first time, the journey of how they got there melts away and in that moment it did. It does even now when I watch him sleep, hold him or feed him. It’s a love like no other and I can’t really put in to words how much I do love him. Although the road was bumpy to his arrival, he was and is safe and well, and that was all that mattered. In recovery I breastfed for the first time and stared at him whilst all around me they were doing checks but all I could see was him. My beautiful baby boy.

What I have enjoyed the most throughout my pregnancy is....

I enjoyed my growing belly and the kicks, talking to my little boy who as soon as he was born knew my voice.

Since becoming a mother I have discovered…

More patience, tiredness can’t kill you (I don’t think) and best of all a love that knows no bounds. I love him more than anything and could stare at him all day.

I love The Positive Birth Company because....

It taught me a skill for life. The breathing techniques and BRAIN can help in all situations. They add a sense of calm and perspective. I love that.

SUPPORT

Tommy’s C-sections - everything you need to know!

Birthrights Right to a C-section

Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecology Birth after previous caesarean section

I moved to the UK about two years ago from Toronto, Canada and soon ended up meeting and falling in love with my partner over here.

Fast forward to summer 2020, when I found out we were expecting a little one, as first time parents. My partner was overly excited, however, I was not, as fear and panic started to set in about pretty much everything, including the fact we were in the middle of a global pandemic and that I was thousands of miles away from all of my family and friends. It is amazing how pregnancy instantly makes one change their perspective on life!

My first trimester was.... rough. I had every symptom in the books and it showed few signs of improving even as I approached my second trimester. As the weeks went by, I have felt slightly better, but it is definitely still a rollercoaster of an experience.

Throughout my pregnancy to date, I've really felt the mental and emotional struggle as an expat during a pandemic. Even being in a happy and loving relationship, it has been quite a lonely feeling at times. Not being able to physically see loved ones who you know want to share the experience with you or have them see your bump grow or plan a normal baby shower are some of the little things that have made it hard as a first time mom and my hormones let me know it!

But on the positive side, being pregnant during the pandemic was a slight blessing in disguise, as I was furloughed during most of my first trimester, which made it easier to deal with my sickness. Even after returning to work from furlough, I've been working at home ever since which has been helpful to avoid a daily two hour round trip commute to my office, as well as saving money on petrol/parking/etc. Plus, I've gained a stronger bond with my partner through having more distraction-free time at home with him for the additional support.

I've always been terrified about labour and delivery so was relieved to come across The Positive Birth Company, as it was a philosophy and method that I instantly connected with and felt I needed to help me overcome my worries. Even though I've not yet completed the Hypnobirthing Digital Pack, I've already noticed a difference in my attitude towards the delivery process and I'm definitely feeling an increase in my confidence levels. I'm looking forward to feeling more and more empowered as my journey continues and I can't wait to meet my little girl in February!

What I have enjoyed the most throughout my pregnancy is....

The opportunity to see my baby during scans - pregnancy feels more real each time :). 

I love The Positive Birth Company because....

I've always been terrified of labour and delivery but since starting your Hypnobirthing Digital Pack, I find myself becoming more and more confident in myself and my abilities. You offer a great balance of resources that have helped me so far, from the informative and encouraging hypnobirthing videos to the supportive Facebook group, to the positive affirmations - it has all really made a difference in the way I think about giving birth now and I'm looking forward to the process of welcoming my little girl to the world :). 

Support

Tommy’s Depression in Pregnancy

PANDAS Foundation Prenatal Depression - Charity offering lots of avenues for support from trained professionals and support groups.

My wife and I have a little girl who is three. My wife carried her and we have used the same donor with this baby. Trying to conceive did go fairly well. Covid put our plans on hold but once lockdown was over and our fertility clinic was open again, we started straight away. We conceived using a treatment call IUI and I fell pregnant the second time.

From 5 weeks, I have been really sick. At 6 weeks I was diagnosed with Hyperemesis, which is a severe form of pregnancy sickness usually lasting the whole pregnancy. I have been on three different types of medication from 8 weeks and thankfully it is more manageable now.

I bought The Positive Birth Company’s Hypnobirthing Digital Pack in the Black Friday sale and in January, when my daughter starts pre-school, I plan to spend my time watching all the videos, getting ready for the birth in April.

What I have enjoyed the most throughout my pregnancy is....

Feeling my baby kick and move around inside me.

I love The Positive Birth Company because....

It gives me confidence that I can have a good birthing experience. I enjoy reading all the birth stories and I’ve been reading them for years before I got pregnant!

Support

Pregnancy Sickness Support

NHS Severe Vomiting

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/artificial-insemination/

LGBT Mummies Tribe - Resources

Pregnancy, whilst being Type 1 diabetic, is a little different. A lot of work has to go into preparing my body to be ready for a baby in order for there to be minimal side effects for both me and the baby.

I don't feel that I have the same pregnancy concerns as other women, which makes it hard for me to relate. It looks as though I'm a bit nonchalant about pregnancy and just taking it in my stride, but that's because Coronavirus and pregnancy stresses have been in the background for me and my focus, energy and stress has been solely around managing my diabetes.

Managing Type 1 is like having a whole other job that occupies you 24/7, and managing it whilst pregnant takes it to the extreme. My medications have quadrupled, I inject 8 times a day and constantly check my blood sugars. Alarms go off throughout the night warning me that my blood sugar is dangerously low or scarily high. I can no longer feel the symptoms but I'm constantly in fear of harming my baby. No pregnancy cravings for me! I wish I could devour a huge plate of carbs, but I can't. I wish when I feel too sick to eat that I didn't haven't to force down food. My greatest fear is causing damage to my eyes or losing my eyesight during labour and not being able to see my newborn baby.

What Type 1 did prepare me for, however, is lots of pregnancy symptoms. I already felt fatigued and nauseous often, so I've been able to get on and do a lot more than I would have expected during pregnancy. It also gives me a different approach to life, knowing that so much is out of my control. My labour will be medicalised and certain things won't be available to me but I will continue to work hard so that as many natural options as possible are attainable. I just want my little boy to arrive happily and healthily, and being aware that I have very little control over what happens helps to relieve any tension. I can and will do the best that I possibly can!

What I have enjoyed the most throughout my pregnancy is....

Feeling my little one kick and move! It is honestly the best feeling I've ever experienced and I can already tell that I'm going to miss my bump a lot!

I love The Positive Birth Company because....

I love that they empower all mothers and helps all types of birth. I find it reassuring to know that regardless of how my labour goes, I will be in the right mindset and will be able to tackle whatever comes!

SUPPORT

Living with Type 1 Diabetes - Pregnancy

Type 1 Diabetes & Pregnancy

Kim couldn’t make the shoot as was self isolating due to Covid. At a later date and when safe our photographer shot her at home.

Let’s start with the joy…

I’m 34 years old and have wanted to be a mother all of my adult life. For one reason or another be it career or not being in the right relationship, the timing was never right. This meant that by 30, I spent many a wine-fuelled evening in tears telling anyone that would listen (mostly my partner) that I had left it too late and that I was going to have huge issues conceiving, or that I’d never be a mother and that I would only have myself to blame!! It’s fair to say that I was being pretty dramatic but at the time it felt very real.

This whole narrative turned out to be completely unfounded. I had been on some form of contraception since I was 17, so in January 2020 my wonderful fiancé and I decided that I should come off the pill to start having a normal cycle. We knew that we wanted to have a baby soon but not immediately, so I had this app set to ‘avoid pregnancy’ which would then tell me which days that I was most fertile and so to avoid sex. I had also booked a private fertility check-up appointment in 2020 but I actually had to cancel this in the end! We had so far managed to avoid my ovulation window each month until our one and only post lockdown evening out in July 2020 (which coincided with the day I was ovulating) when we got pregnant. We were surprised but not shocked (as we had really thrown ourselves into the evening’s festivities!) and overall, extremely happy!!

Now for the complications…

 After years of stomach issues which I had put down to a case of IBS, I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis in summer 2018 which is an incurable but manageable inflammatory Bowel Disease that effects the bottom of the colon. It was a relief to finally know what was wrong with me, but 2 years on I still hadn’t got my ‘flare ups’ under control and was struggling to find the correct medication that would make enough of a difference to get my condition into ‘remission’. What I also wasn’t made aware of is that within pregnancy Ulcerative Colitis and Chrons Disease can get better but can also get a lot worse and unfortunately for me, it was the latter.

As soon as I told my gastroenterology consultant that I was pregnant (around 4 weeks) he jumped into action and prescribed me a course of steroid tablets. This was medication that we had discussed me taking before, but he was never sure that my condition was serious enough to need them. I was surprised that I was being prescribed them now that I was pregnant and without hesitation. I was put on a tablet form of steroids for the next 4 weeks (Cortiment) and then a stronger type called Prednisolone. Unfortunately, both had no effect on my symptoms and in fact they were getting worse. By week 10 of my pregnancy, I was urgently going to the toilet approx. 10-15 times a day and most of the time all that was left in the bowel was blood and lots of it. This was making me avoid leaving the house, generally feeling uncomfortable, bloated and bad about myself. Other symptoms were brain fog and lack of concentration, a swollen stomach, nausea and a complete lack of energy no matter what time of the day or how much I had slept the night before.

I was told that the next step was for me to go into hospital to receive even stronger (hydrocortisone) steroids intravenously over a course of a few days. This medication would hopefully go through my blood stream and directly to the affected area of my colon without losing potency when passing through my stomach. It was a pretty scary prospect as I knew that I would have to go into hospital alone and not have any visitors due to the Covid restrictions in place.  We were also due to move into a new house during this time and I knew that my partner would have to do this without me which was really stressful for us both. However, I was told this was my only option and to get myself to A&E as soon as possible. Twice I sat alone in A&E for over 4 hours before being sent home or giving up. With the rate of Covid infection rising, I felt my baby and myself were safer at home than in a jam-packed hospital waiting room. When I brought this up with my IBD team, I was told that the hospital had become overrun with Covid patients so if I didn’t want to sit in A&E again, the only other way to get me into hospital for treatment was for me to be booked in for a colonoscopy and then onto a ward from there. This procedure is not very nice at the best of times but with me being 13 weeks pregnant, I was also not allowed any form of sedation which made the experience extremely uncomfortable to say the least. On a positive note, having them do this type of investigation meant that they were no longer guessing at how bad my condition had gotten, they could actually see exactly what was going on with their own eyes.

Continued… The hospital was extremely busy and noisy but after the first night, I did then have my own room which I was very grateful for. I didn’t get much sleep each night with all the activity on the ward, my own inconvenient symptoms, and the strong steroids that were being pumped into my body keeping me up. I just wanted to be at home in my own bed with my partner!! On day 3 I had my daily visit from my consultant and was told that the steroid injections weren’t working as well as they had hoped in terms of improving my overall symptoms. Then out of nowhere he told me that if I do not respond to the next course of treatment that a colostomy (surgery to remove part of the colon and have a colostomy bag fitted) was ‘on the table’, and this could happen before I left the hospital! He then left the room to continue his rounds. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. How could this possibly happen to me? This had never been a treatment discussed with me at any point over the last 2 years and now that I am pregnant with my first child and alone in a hospital room, this bombshell is dropped on me. I was left to try and work out how an earth I would cope with this life-changing surgery. I cried in my bed for the rest of the day, with nurses coming in and out of my room dressed in full PPE, not really knowing how to comfort me. My poor partner was also in tears and could only do his best to support me through this shock and sadness through the phone.

The next day, I was determined that I would not be leaving this hospital without my colon and I wanted some answers. I specifically asked my consultant if they thought that my condition had spread to become this severe in only the last 12 weeks of pregnancy or had it been gradually getting worse? I was told, ‘This was unlikely’ and that the disease had probably been creeping up my colon for a while and that, ‘Pregnancy has just made it worse’. I felt so disappointed that they had allowed this to happen to me. As I have said, In the 2 years since my diagnosis, I had been given no warning that pregnancy could exacerbate my condition at all, never mind to this extent. 

Thankfully, by day 5 I had started to show some signs of improvement, so they decided to try me on an immune suppressant drug called Adalimumab, that works on slowing down the immune response to my colon and helps to continue to reduce the inflammation. This is self-administered by injection into my legs which is very painful but much better than the alternative. This was apparently my last shot at medication before we seriously discussed surgery. Luckily the combination of the two treatments started to work straight away and this meant that I was discharged from hospital after 8 days.

What I was not expecting was the side effects of my treatments to hit me all at once, but I was glad to be recovering at home and really felt that I was over the worst. 

What they found was that my UC was a lot worse and had now progressed up my colon to at least 60cm (from 10cm at my last check). My condition had gone from a mild to a severe one and they were concerned. This was frustrating for me to hear, as I had been trying to tell them for the past year that my symptoms were not under control and the medication/s that I was being prescribed were not really working. However, it wasn’t a huge shock for me to hear things had gotten worse either, as by this time my symptoms had become pretty life-changing and unbearable.

I was admitted straight away, taken to a ward and put on a steroid drip. At this point I had no idea how long I would be in hospital, but knew that I wouldn’t be able to see my partner or anyone else until I was discharged. This was a frightening and lonely time, but I kept my focus on my unborn child and that I would do anything to keep him/her safe. It’s a really strange maternal feeling that kicked in out of nowhere. I felt that there was something more important than me living inside me that I already loved unconditionally. I had to be strong and get through whatever was coming my way. I never felt truly alone.

What I have enjoyed the most throughout my pregnancy is....

Knowing that my life is about to change for the better and I will have my own little family next year which is something i've always wanted. 

I love The Positive Birth Company because....

Real stories from real people to help me prepare mentally and positively for what is coming.

SUPPORT

NHS - Ulcerative Colitis

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/325184

My Chrons and Colitis Team

Continued…. Birth was somewhat easy considering how scared I was. Like the book says, I was so used to the horrific stories I had heard so much, I was really unsure what I was walking into. Due to unforeseen circumstances, I had to go in for an induction two days before my due date, meaning I was unable to have the water birth I originally planned. They had to monitor myself and the baby, so I was on continuous watch for the full 77 hours of my Labour. To induce me, I was given a pessary and quickly had my show within 24 hours, dilating to 2cm. I was having 1 surge every 20 minutes and in minimal pain; I implemented the breathing techniques to pass the surges and was able to move around them pretty easily. Unfortunately, I stayed at 2/3cm for another 24 hours with my surges increasing to 1 every 6 minutes. I chose to not have any pain relief at that point, as I wanted to control my feelings using the ‘Up breathing’ technique. 

48 hours into my labour process, my midwives took me down to the ward and it was agreed to break my waters and put me on the Oxytocin drip. This was when labor got really intense as I dilated to 4cm instantly. I was on the drip for around 3-4 hours which was all a blur as the pain really kicked in. I vowed that I wouldn’t get an epidural, however, when the time came I couldn’t control the pain with gas and air or my breathing techniques, so I took the injection. Once I had the epidural my labour was smoother and within 2 hours our bundle of joy was here!  When it came time to push, I visualised the post-it note I had on my bathroom door which said ‘Down Breathing’ and it really saved my life: I had a natural birth with no stitches, my midwife actually told me “I breathed my baby out”. She was here and we instantly had skin to skin contact with her latching on straight away. Breastfeeding was a very new sensation at that point and felt so surreal. 

I honestly couldn’t have done this without the continued support provided by The Positive Birth Company team. All the techniques and networking made my pregnancy whole. I’d like to say a massive thank you from me and my bundle of joy. 

What I have enjoyed the most throughout my pregnancy is....

Feeling her move around inside me.

I love The Positive Birth Company because....

They offer loads of support and useful information.

Support

NHS - Gestational Diabetes

The Hypnobirthing Digital Pack

I gave birth to our little boy Yuvan on 30th November 2020 by elective caesarean. He was breech, just like my little girl was 2 years ago - seems I was meant to have breech babies! 

When I had my daughter in 2018 I was so determined to have a natural birth. I attended a Hypnobirthing course, did lots of breathing practices with my husband, and listened to meditations at night. I had a mood board with positive affirmations, photos of people and memories that made me happy and my scan photo. I read up so much about birth and around my own circumstances because I wanted my birth to be MY choices. I was under the care of my local home birth antenatal team as I was hoping to have a home birth - I really believed (and still do) that it would be the safest way to give birth naturally. However, about 4 months along I found out I’d need to have monthly blood transfusions until the birth because I have thalassaemia trait. It’s a blood disorder where my body doesn’t make enough haemoglobin (the red blood cells that carry oxygen around the body). I’d never had a blood transfusion before and really didn’t know what to expect, but turned out they’re pretty simple and actually I enjoyed having a couple of hours down-time in the hospital every month! 

It meant however that my consultant was keen for me to be in the labour ward to give birth. The total opposite to being at home. I wasn’t comfortable with the idea of being on the labour ward - I felt it went against everything I wanted for my birth. So I did my research so I could have an informed conversation with my consultant. I then asked to meet with the consultant midwife for the birth centre. The birth centre felt like a middle ground - a homely setting but in the hospital. I explained my circumstances and together with the home birth team we agreed a plan that meant I could be at home for as long as possible in labour and then transfer to the birth centre with my midwives to birth my baby. 

So my plan was in place - yay! Then at 37 weeks I found out my baby was breech. I booked in for an ECV and after that failed the consultant straight away wanted to book me in for a planned caesarean. Again, I knew it was my choice what to do next. So I said I wanted to go home and think about it first. We wanted to put BRAIN in to use - consider the benefits, risks, alternative options and our instinctive feeling about a planned caesarean vs a natural breech delivery. But after coming so far in getting through the blood transfusions, and having a plan to be in the birth centre, I actually just felt exhausted. I wanted a natural birth, but a natural breech birth would still be so closely monitored that it didn’t fill me with positivity anymore. I just wanted to meet my baby now. So we agreed to a caesarean and after lots of crying to my husband, and my mum, I focused my efforts on making the caesarean as positive and personal as possible. I read lots of positive c section stories online and researched all the things I could request in theatre that would make my experience more personal. And despite being so scared about having major surgery (having never even been seen in hospital before), my husband and I had a wonderful experience! I wore my headphones throughout the surgery so I could listen to relaxing music; I requested my husband be with me the entire time - so during the spinal too, which I’d heard isn’t always allowed as partners can get queasy! Our baby was lifted up and the drape brought down so we could see her being born, and the midwives took loads of great photos for us! The surgeons left some length on the cord so my husband could still cut it, and then the baby checks were delayed for as long as possible to allow me and my husband time with her. All in all, it was a great experience. I really thought I’d miss out on feeling a connection - like I hadn’t really ‘birthed’ my baby. But honestly, once she was here, it really didn’t matter how she came. 

So with my second baby I was more prepared and more realistic about things not going to plan. I never even said ‘plan’ in my second pregnancy. I always said ‘hope for’ or ‘preferences’ because I realised you can’t really plan anything when it comes to birth. You have to be positive, but also realistic. I was more prepared for my blood transfusions and they obviously didn’t come as a surprise this time. 

Given my precious C-section, my consultant was adamant I be on the labour ward. So again, I did my research to understand more and know my options, and I got in touch with the consultant midwife for the birth centre again. I wanted to know if she’d be happy for me to be in the birth centre as she’d been so open to a conversation previously, and she was - yay! 

Continued… But at about 28-30 weeks when baby was breech at a scan, I had a gut feeling he wasn’t going to turn and I was headed down the same road as before. The consultant midwife was a great support for me - I explained I really liked my previous consultant and he’d also delivered my daughter, so she helped me to change consultants so I could see him. He explained that I have a bicornuate uterus - it’s slightly heart-shaped at the top meaning baby couldn’t turn even if he wanted to. It felt like a blow that I couldn’t do anything to make baby turn, but also a relief that I knew why. And I chose not to have another ECV - this time I felt so much calmer. I didn’t want to try and make baby turn. For me, if baby was going to turn it would be natural or nothing. I didn’t want it to force it. 

So again, I turned my efforts to being as positive as I could about another planned caesarean. I dug out my old birth preferences, updated them and focused on enjoying the rest of my pregnancy instead of being worried about trying to turn baby. 

And again, I had an amazing experience! And because I knew what to expect I could enjoy the experience more (even though i was still SO scared which is totally natural!). I had all the same preferences as before, but this time I was more bold in saying what I wanted as I knew from experience what was possible. I also asked the midwives to video the birth and I’m so glad I did! I love watching it back and seeing my baby being born, and it’s so nice to be able to share it with my husband as I know we won’t see our baby being born together naturally. 

What I have enjoyed the most throughout my pregnancy is....

Knowing that my daughter was going to have a sibling to play with and keep her company :-). And all the baby kicks and movements - my little girl wasn't so active in my womb, so it was great to feel baby so much!

I love The Positive Birth Company because....

They show women of all races, sizes and gestations. PBC epitomises everything I believe about birth - that it is an experience and despite whatever happens in the birthing journey, everyone should feel positive about their bodies' capabilities and empowered when giving birth, however they do that! Women rock :-)

Support

Watch Maya’s birth here

Tommy’s C-sections - everything you need to know!

Birthrights Right to a C-Section

Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists Choosing to have a caesarean section

Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecology Birth after previous caesarean section

When I found out I was pregnant, it was just after the last of two years of inconclusive scans. Most of these were for ruptured ovarian cysts and a lack of periods. It had been suggested that if I wanted children it would be hard work and that I should research IVF as it was likely that I’d need it.

I wasn’t planning on having children just yet. I’d got engaged and just moved 250 miles from my original city to be with my partner. But my body had other ideas and I got pregnant a month later whilst on the contraceptive pill.

Pregnancy from the word go was hard from me. I had to deal with alcohol withdrawals as, although I had greatly improved in that year, I had a drink problem. I worked in bars where it was so easy to go out after work, and that’s what I did. The day I found out I was pregnant, I stopped drinking. I didn’t touch a drop during pregnancy. I also had to come off my anti-anxiety medication because the GP said it wasn’t suitable.

I made my way through the first two trimesters with the usual back ache, tiredness etc., whilst working a 40 hour week. Not recommended!

Then the pandemic happened. Due to my long term mental health issues, I was very lucky to be able to have visits from the midwife, but they were not as frequent as they should be. Then there were the days where I’d have an extra appointment at the hospital but I’d have to wait in the cold outside.

I’d got used to this and then a month before Archie was born, I was put back on antidepressants. I have borderline personality disorder or emotionally unstable personality disorder. I should never have been taken off them in the first place. Due to this, I had to stay in hospital for 5 days after birth.

Continued… When it came to the birth, this was not plain sailing. I was in labour for 7 days before I had to be induced because I was not dilating. I was in excruciating agony for days. Archie finally decided to make an appearance, although everyone was certain we were having a girl.

I did five days in hospital and my partner was not allowed to see his newborn son after the delivery. I cried a lot and on day three I honestly thought I wasn’t cut out to be a mum. The screaming and crying due to him withdrawing from my antidepressants was awful. Despite all my intentions we had to cave and buy a dummy.

When we finally got to go home, it was the best feeling in the world. Since then Archie has grown so much and is such a wonderful little man. I can’t say everything is perfect, because when you live with a long-term mental health problem it always shows up sometime. That and we are still in a pandemic. But, I proved to myself that I could do it and the fact that Archie is so happy and healthy is proof. So many mums are going through this and I want them to know, they are not alone.

What I have enjoyed the most throughout my pregnancy is....

The second trimester when Archie started moving around, even if he did turn into a gymnast right when I wanted to sleep.

I love The Positive Birth Company because....

Its focus is on the positive wellbeing of women during and after pregnancy. It’s something that people never think about before pregnancy.

Support

https://www.addictionhope.com/blog/preparing-your-body-for-pregnancy-after-alcoholism/

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/drugs-and-treatments/antidepressants/antidepressants-in-pregnancy/

My baby is over a year old now but I still remember being eight months pregnant, reading a copy of the latest National Geographic while connecting with my bump and being completely floored by the story of Keira, who died at the age of 39 from internal bleeding after delivering her second son by planned C-section.

This was my first introduction to the fact that African American mothers are three times more likely to die than their white counterparts. I was intensely angry. I’m not sure but some of you probably know that hot, breaking feeling when something is so unfair and you’re so enraged that the only way for the emotion to escape is through your eyeballs. This was how I felt. I remember thinking, well that is in the US, surely it can’t be such an issue here in the UK.

I was so wrong, here in the UK Black mothers are five times more likely to die than their white counterparts.

Fast forward a few weeks I come home from yoga and my waters break all over my kitchen floor. Just like in the movies. About 30 hours later I hadn’t delivered my baby and I had started to bleed. This took us into the hospital. I had done my research, talked to several people and was confident that the best place for me at that point was still at home and the risk to myself and baby was still very low.

The midwife was accepting of this and had assessed the bleeding wasn’t anything to worry about. She just needed the doctor to ‘sign us out’ and we could be on our way back home. This is when things started to spiral. The doctor came in and gave no introduction or acknowledgement to myself.

‘We have to put you on antibiotics and induce you immediately’ she said.

Oh goodness.

The standard archetype for a doctor like this in my mind is white, senior and male. But standing before me was a young, female, non-Black person of colour. I had to fight with this doctor to exercise autonomy over my own situation and body. I began by telling her what I would like to do and the reasons why I am comfortable with my decision.

She refused to have an open discussion about any research or outcome that fell outside the hospitals' guidelines. Things escalated very quickly between the two of us. I remember thinking how is this happening right now. This is the last thing I need.

I was in tears telling her to stop talking. She wouldn’t stop telling me that if I were to go home my baby would die, that I was chasing a particular type of birth and was selfishly putting my baby at risk.

In the end, I left the hospital distraught and against medical advice. I had to fight for my voice to be heard. I was made to feel small, uninformed and already a bad mother.

The cost of this encounter to my birth experience is hard to quantify, as there isn’t a way to know how else it would have gone. But the fear this doctor instilled, the adrenaline she inspired, and effort she stole, placed me in a situation whereby I felt unsafe. I doubted my body’s ability to safely birth my baby as well as my own instincts, voice and knowledge.

I always think what happens to women who don’t have the capacity to advocate and champion themselves during their births? Whose vulnerability is exploited? Those who don’t have supportive birth partners or were unable to arm themselves with knowledge.

Continued… It’s not a case of having been given information contrary to what I wanted to hear. Or that I was narrow-sighted due to a particular birth I had envisaged. I know that it is possible to have a birth that deviates far from your birth plan and still be empowered by your birth experience.

If I had been treated with respect, made to feel understood, my information acknowledged as having merit and exercise autonomy over my own body, I am certain that my experience and the way I still feel about my birth would be very different.

A few hours later I was at a point where I needed to return to the hospital. I felt too scared to go back. I remember sitting in my bathroom crying, thinking what else could I do and where else can I go. I didn’t feel safe having to go back.

The risk to baby and myself was created by the carelessness of the doctor. This doctor probably went home and complained about a crazy woman in labour and got on with her life.

If I had been in a situation whereby I really was in danger and needed to stay in hospital or, as was the case, return to the hospital, this doctor had severed the trust I had in the care I would be provided.

The question I have found myself asking as a result of this experience is how do you know if what you experienced was due to racism or unconscious bias? I imagine it’s adding up all the little things and feelings but in honesty, I still don’t really know.

What I have enjoyed the most throughout my pregnancy is....

I loved the fullness of my bump, finally connecting with my baby in the third trimester and in honesty, it being over.

Since becoming a mother I have discovered..

Myself. 

I love The Positive Birth Company because....

Its mission of empowerment, working to change the narrative of birth and postpartum.

Support

Born Together Podcast

NHS Complaints Procedure

Make Birth Better