Birth story - Vijoleta and baby Gabriel

*Trigger warning* - only for the pregnancy section of my story: mention of death of a friend after giving birth

Pregnancy:

I dislike being pregnant as with this pregnancy just like with my first I suffered from intense tailbone pain, public symphesis pain, rib pain and occasional heartburn. I was very anxious during my first pregnancy and went to therapy to prevent being so anxious during this pregnancy. It worked wonders and I was so relaxed overall I couldn't believe it. However when I was 7 months pregnant, the news reached me that a childhood friend of mine, a 35yr old healthy woman living just like me in Germany and someone I saw regularly when I was visiting my old home town, died after giving birth to her second child. I was in shock for days and it triggered my anxieties to return, now focused on being terrified of giving birth even though my first experience was positive and all healthy.

It took me a couple of therapy sessions and lots of distancing to feel better but ultimately, it was the PBC Hypnobirthing course that did the trick and got me back again to my calm, confident self that trusts her body. I truly have this course to thank!

Birth:

A day before I had some period like cramps in the early morning hours but they passed and I had a normal day until around 19.00 when after dinner I started having regular surges. They were very mild but I could clearly tell they were surges as they kept coming. I checked via Freya and for half an hour it said I was in established labor. However, as soon as I started walking through the house and packing last things, they became irregular and when I put my 3.5yr old daughter to bed at 21.00 they were gone.

At 22.00 then, after I laid down and allowed myself to relax, they returned but this time more intense. Even though the app did not consider it established labor, I knew from my last labor that this very much felt like the real deal. Even though they were very mild, I started using up breathing from here on and didn't stop until I gave birth. I didn't only up breathe during surges but throughout just like with my last labor as it kept me in the zone and kept me relaxed.

I called the hospital myself at 23.00 and was disheartened to hear they were full and suggested I go to the other clinic I signed up at. I remained surprisingly calm but deep inside I was sad (and a bit scared) I might not have a water birth this time as the 2nd hospital didn't have a pool. I wasn't mentally prepared for a dry land birth. At 23.35 we called again and I asked them if there's no way I could come. They reconsidered and agreed but told me they had no proper rooms available. We went immediately and by midnight I was sitting in a tiny room, which actually was an office with a chair and a small tiny examination bed. The nurse checked me and said I was 1-2cm,and not being convinced yet by the strength of my surges, she wanted to convince me to go home or for a long walk (it was 0 degrees so no, thanks!). I told my partner no way I'm only 1cm. My last birth when they said I was at 4,my daughter was born 10min later so I kept my hopes up for a short labor. I told her I will definitely stay in hospital and she accepted.

It was very uncomfortable in that office room and the only position I could take was on a hard wooden chair lol. I kept hoping that the pool would become free. In the following 2 hours my surges became much more intense. I kept breathing, squeezing a plastic comb occasionally and some surges were so intense I wondered if I might have to give birth leaning over a desk. I was convinced this was happening soon and luckily the pool became free at 2.15am.

The walk to the tub made surges even more intense. I barely climbed into the pool with my feet , told my partner the water was too hot and as he was pouring cold water in, I felt a complete switch in my surges. I said to him: press the button, call the midwife, he's coming!! He was slightly stressed and ran out calling the midwife. It was as if my body (and mind were just waiting for that pool to finally let it all happen). I felt a huge pressure, indeed like needing to go for the biggest poop, and because I couldn't believe it went so fast, I kept asking the midwife, "is this it, maybe I just have to poop? Lol". She assured me this is likely it. I held onto a rope hanging above the pool with one hand and squeezed my partners hand with the other. As opposed to my first birth where I forgot to down breathe and screamed instead, being quite panicky, I was now in control (I had practiced down beating on the toilet for weeks! ). I asked my partner to remind me to down breathe which he did and I was breathing my son down in only 5 or so breaths from the moment I stepped into the pool. I could have probably pushed him out in less but I really didn't want to tear this time so I allowed myself to feel that ring of fire and breathe slowly. His amniotic sac only burst as he entered the world and I pulled him on my chest myself. It was fast, it was intense but it was wonderful.

Whereas during the up stage what was difficult was handling some intense surges while I was being very tired, not having slept good for weeks already (I kept reminding myself it's my toughest workout yet!), during the down stage, it wasn't about pain but rather handling the slight panic brought on my adrenaline which was the challenge. This is why focusing on down breathing truly makes such a difference I think. Also, telling my partner to remind me "this is it, now just relax and breathe him out" helped keep me focused.

After getting out of the tub I and Gabriel were put in a bed in the hallway, which was annoying but I can't say they didn't warn me about lack of rooms. Eventually we got a lovely family room and had plenty of time to bond.