Birth story - Tracie and baby Camille

I hesitate to write this even a year and a half after I've given birth. It wasn't the birth that I planned and I still have feelings of disappointment and doubt. Hopefully writing about this will give me some perspective and help me find the positives.

I purchase the PBC digital pack when I was around 25 weeks. I was really searching for something that would take the fear out of birthing and had some science behind it. I started watching the videos and got excited about having a natural birth. I introduced my husband to the PBC and he was very skeptical, not very supportive of the idea. However, I was still determined to have a natural and postitive birth. I listened to the positive affirmations daily, I practiced my breathing, I got all my items to set the mood in the birthing room. Around my due date my Dr. started talking about inducing me the next day. I knew baby would come when she was ready so I held off the induction as long as I could. I did feel pressure from my family and Dr to get an induction so instead of using my BRAIN and waiting for the baby to come, I caved and decided to do the induction. I was very nervous going in knowing that birth outcomes change once you get an induction, but I tried to remain positive.

We arrived at the hospital and my husband set up the room like I wanted, I started listening to my affirmations and relaxing music. We started the induction and at first things were going well I could handle the surges as they came but I was struggling to get back to green after a surge. I had a lot of back pressure and the baby didn't take well to the Pitocin. Her heart rate kept dipping and a bunch of nurses and Drs would rush into the room for closer monitoring and to get me into different positions. Her heart rate would level out and I'd continue labouring, but then maybe 30-45 mins later her heart rate would drop again. This happened multiple times.

At this point I was scared, worried, panicky, thinking of all the things that could go wrong, not at all the calm cool and collected that I wanted to be. Since I was struggling with the surges I used my BRAIN and asked for some pain medicine. That was one of the best decisions I made. As much as I wanted a natural birth I couldn't focus or pay attention to what was happening when I couldn't handle my surges. After the medicine I continued labouring but baby's heart rate still wasn't reacting well to the Pitocin.

It came to a point where I wasn't progressing anymore and the Drs were concerned about the health of the baby so we had an emergency c section. When our daughter was born I was high as a kite and singing a Willie Wonka song, (the drugs were GOOD!) I had some skin to skin initially but she was mostly with her dad getting some snuggles while they finished me up.

This was absolutely not the birth I had planned, but looking back at it now I know I did everything I could. It turned out that the cord was wrapped around baby's neck and trying to come out before the baby. There was nothing I could have done to fix that. I had grand ideas on how I would birth my daughter, but God had other plans for us. I'm very grateful that we were in a hospital and she was delivered safely.