Birth story - Robyn and baby Wren

*Trigger Warning* - Mention of breast cancer and use of the word contractions as not negative to me.

I wanted to share my positive birth story in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month. My wife and I decided to conceive via reciprocal IVF partly because it's what made our family feel whole, and partly because I'm a triple negative breast cancer survivor. Despite having no genetic mutations and no family history, my doctors said something might have gone wrong in some unknown genetic code that caused me to have aggressive breast cancer at just 27, and I was scared of passing that on. But because my cancer was hormone negative, I was able to carry a baby.

We had a wonderful pregnancy and at my 36 week checkup my doctor did a cervical check and said the baby was low and I was very effaced. I spent the next month thinking every day was the day we'd have a baby, and by my due date my anxiety was high. A sonogram on my due date showed that the baby wasn't in a good birth position, and was measuring somewhat large. After the difficult recovery from my double mastectomy, I wanted to avoid a cesarean and was nervous that waiting any longer would mean an even bigger baby in an even worse position (I know, not necessarily true). My wife and I discussed with our doula using the B.R.A.I.N method and decided that an induction felt like the right choice for us.

We got to the hospital the next night and met our nursing team. When our nurse Cynthia rolled in the IV machine for the saline drip I was suddenly hit with a wave of PTSD. The last time I had seen that machine was in the chemotherapy room. But Cynthia and my wife sat with me calmly and the moment passed. Cynthia inserted a Cervadil tab which kicked off mild contractions and I spent the night moving between the birth ball and bed, listening to music. The next morning Pitocin started and the contractions came on intensely. Back labor was constant and the TENS machine was a lifesaver!

By the sixth hour of Pitocin the contractions were almost two minutes long with barely 15 seconds in between. I was trembling and couldn't move from my spot on the birth ball. I knew that the baby still needed to get into the right position, and if I couldn't keep moving it was going to be hard for him to do what he needed to do. So we called for an epidural and after two quick hours of shifting with the peanut ball, I felt ready to push.

At first the staff didn't believe me but when I finally got them to check the nurse yelled out, "Yep! She's complete!" That was when I realized my epidural had started to fail on my right side. At this point, my doula had gone home to check on her own child, and my wife frantically called her to come back. Everyone was so surprised how quickly things had progressed. But the baby still had not quite shifted, and with a failing epidural we entered into a marathon of two hours of pushing.

My doula and nurse worked together to help me push in different positions and while the intensity of my right side was undeniable, being able to feel my baby move down past the pelvic bone and into the birth canal was an incredible experience. And bit by bit, we did it. Once I pushed his head out the rest of his body nearly flew out and he was pink and screaming. At our sonogram we had seen that his cord was not around his neck at all, but when he was born it was wrapped around his neck, and then twice around his body- beautifully showing the corkscrew work he had done to get himself into the best birthing position.

One of the best parts of his birth was the fact that no one made me feel bad for not being able to breastfeed. I had been so scared of being made to feel like a failure because I couldn't feed my baby, and had already shed so many tears mourning my ability to nurse. But the nurses read my file and never said a word. No one came in to try to help him latch, no one minded my odd silicone breasts. I had told my doula that I didn't have any feeling in my breasts, and the team was careful to place my baby in the center of my chest where I could feel him against me.

After delayed clamping, my wife cut his cord and we were suddenly a family of three. I had been prepared to fight for my choices, but the hospital staff was warm and considerate when we declined eye ointment, a bath, and circumcision. I felt empowered every step of the way, and can't wait to birth again.