Birth story - Riva and baby Vinnie

Trigger words - previous miscarriage, description of caesarean procedure (I found this helpful to prepare!)

I wanted to write my story as soon as I knew I was going to have to have an elective caesarean. Other people’s stories helped me mentally prepare for what was ahead, so here I am paying it forward!

Pregnancy was uncomplicated although nerve wracking due to losing our first baby last year. Miscarriage was the hardest thing I have ever gone through but with therapy and time my husband and I began to heal. We got the good news I was pregnant again a couple of weeks after our first baby would have been due. Going through those initial weeks of pregnancy during the pandemic was so hard with nothing to distract ourselves but an early scan showed things were looking good and by our 20 week scan we were feeling so much happier that things would be ok.

We got to 36 weeks and I had some reduced movements. I popped to hospital where everything seemed fine but as a precaution they always scan if you’ve been in more than once with reduced movements, which I had (I was just quite paranoid and had anterior placenta so just needed the reassurance sometimes!) The sonographer confirmed everything was fine but told me the baby was breech. I was totally unaware of that at this point and thought the big hard lump under my ribs was his bum! I was offered (and borderline pressured into) an ECV at this point but I used my BRAIN and my instinct told me to decline- and I’m glad I did! I went home and tried all the spinning babies stuff in a hope that he would turn by my next scan a week later.

The presentation scan at 37 weeks confirmed he had flipped back to cephalic (wahoo!) so I went home all happy that I’d be able to have my dream home water birth. I paid the final deposit for the pool and it arrived a day later...alas 2 days later I was convinced baby had flipped back to breech so I went back in to get checked and...he had! I got booked in for an elective section the following Wednesday (when I would be 38 weeks) and started to mentally prepare. I was also mourning the loss of my natural home birth at this stage- a process that was so important to allow myself time to do.

16th December we got ourselves ready, packed the car and got to the hospital for 7am excited at the prospect of meeting our baby. However I was convinced that baby had flipped again back to cephalic that morning in the shower. We went to hospital anyway, had the scan pre-op and the doctors confirmed he had flipped back to cephalic My husband and I chatted and decided that we would give him the chance to stay that way and go for our natural birth. No sooner had we got home and he had flipped back breech again!! I was beside myself at this point- mentally preparing for so many eventualities was exhausting! The doctors then told us to just wait for labour and come straight to hospital if it started so he would either be born via emergency section if breech or they would do controlled breaking of my waters to hold him head down if he wasn’t. Neither of those options sounded very appealing and I started to feel very out of control (which I guess I was!)

Sunday 20th came and I had hardly felt movements all day. Concerned we went to the hospital just to be safe. Baby was absolutely fine but doctors confirmed he was again breech (by this point I didn’t need a scan to tell me this as I was well in tune with his movements!) They recommended getting in straight away for a section and offered me the next day- which I gladly accepted. Something was telling me that my baby was breech for a reason and that waiting for natural labour would result in something stressful for me or him or both of us.

Monday 21st - we arrived at hospital. A lady with twins was ahead of us so we were waiting for quite a long time which was hard but I used the Freya app meditations on my headphones to get myself in the zone- that and the constant Christmas songs on magic fm . We went into theatre at about 1:30pm. Everyone was amazing, they really put me at ease and made me feel as relaxed as possible.

Skip this bit if you don’t want to know about the procedure itself (there’s nothing bad but it helped me to visualise the space, sounds and smells of theatre to mentally prepare!)

The cannula was put in by a senior anaesthetist so I barely felt it. I then had a local anaesthetic in my back just before the spinal was given. The feeling was a bit like you’ve had a few beers on a warm summers day- your legs feel heavier but the rest of you feels fine! The anaesthetist sprayed me with a cold spray to check I couldn’t feel it (cold and pain are closely linked in terms of sensation) They had to tilt the table a couple of times to make the spinal spread around the bits of my body. A few other bits were given via the cannula (antibiotics etc) and the midwives lifted my legs and put in a catheter- I was scared about this bit but you genuinely don’t feel any pain, just a feeling like someone is poking your bits The curtain was raised and the doctors entered to start the operation.

The sensation is just like someone rummaging around in your stomach- you can feel the sensation but not the pain. I wouldn’t describe it as anything other than a bit weird- I remember actually laughing at one point! Within minutes I heard my waters going and my baby boy was lifted up for me to see! This was the most magical moment- bewildering, emotional, exciting and relieving all at once! We had thought all along that Vinnie was a girl so that was also a lovely surprise. He had a little trouble breathing to start as it was a bit of a shock to him coming out and the cord was wrapped around his neck (which is why I think my clever boy knew he needed to stay breech!) but after a couple of minutes of checks he was brought to me for skin to skin and he started feeding straight away. The sensation of your baby going to your breast for the first time is so magical- it just felt so natural. We went to recovery and my husband was allowed to stay a little longer before he had to leave due to Covid restrictions.

I feel I need to add something here about our first night in the hospital and about breastfeeding. Although Vinnie fed through the night he was very restless and wouldn’t take the boob the next day. I hadn’t slept, was totally exhausted and just wanted to go home. The midwives then said they couldn’t let me go home unless I either agreed to formula feed him while I was establishing breastfeeding or I stayed for them to check he was getting enough from me. That evening was horrible- I had a crying baby, had no sleep and my hormones were all over the place. I had put immense pressure on myself by saying I would never touch formula and would only breastfeed and now that was being taken away from me. Exhausted and wanting to go home I gave in and accepted that he could have some formula. Thankfully due to lots of skin to skin at home my milk came in really quickly and we gradually phased the formula out over the course of 5 days. I guess my point here is: don’t have such high expectations and put pressure on yourself at a time that will likely be one of the most challenging of your life!

We are home now and so in love with our gorgeous boy. My husband has been my absolute rock throughout and I love him now more than I ever thought possible. After a painful few months after loss we now have everything we have ever wanted and feel so incredibly blessed and proud of each other and our perfect little boy.