Birth story - Phoebe and baby Winston

I was so excited to write my birth story. I read so many on here during my pregnancy and felt so grateful to all the mothers who shared and helped me feel so calm and excited about labour. It was a real motivation during my labour to write down all the details and hopefully help someone else as you all helped me. Of course since then I have been soaking up my beautiful baby (and his siblings) and although I've thought about my birth story almost every day I am only just writing it now and he's 9 months old. It is New Years Eve now and I promised myself I would write it before the New Year.

The night before Winston was born we did one of our favourite little trips with Frida and Udo (our 6 and 3 year old) we packed a flask of hot chocolate and drove to see a lighthouse in a village not far from us. We parked up, all got snuggled in to the boot of our Volvo (it's a massive boot) and drank hot chocolate. It felt really special. On the way back we called at my parents for some crisps, I really fancied some, and we parked on their street chatting. I felt like I had a mild tightening but I didnt think much of it but I did think 'if this is it what a way to start' with my family in the car chatting to my mum and dad while eating crisps.

When we got home I went in to overdrive baking a bread, emptying the dishwasher and folding washing. I think subconsciously I knew something was about to happen. All of a sudden I felt baby drop down and felt another tightening sensation. I decided it was bedtime and turned all the lights off mid conversation with my partner Robert, I was following my instincts and they said 'sleep'.

I woke up a few hours later feeling like my trousers were wet, I went to the loo and there was definitely something but not enough to be waters I thought. I felt so excited and a bit shaky but took a few deep breaths, put a pad in so I could keep an eye on things, told myself to enjoy this last little bit of pregnancy, gave my bump an extra cuddle and got back in to bed. By then both Frida and Udo had come over to our bed and it was quite amazing and moving that they seemed instinctively to know. Udo stroked my hair half asleep and Frida talking in her sleep said 'Are you bringing the baby home?'. I tried to sleep for a bit longer with my little team of birth partners bringing me so much comfort but by about 2.am I felt the need to get up.

I put the Freya app on my wireless headphones and pottered in my pjs, read lots of positive birth stories on here (thank you all so much for being there) and drank a cup of tea. I even wrote in my diary to record the moment. By about 4.am with the surges regular but not in a pattern I woke up Robert who made us some toast and tea. We decided to ring the midwives, making phone calls makes me nervous so that was what I was most anxious about. The midwife I spoke to said I should come in incase the wetness had been my waters. I knew even if it was I would have 24hours so wasn't worried but had a mini wobble worrying I had done the wrong thing leaving it that long. But I reminded myself that this was my labour and I was following what felt right for me and my baby. I had done so much research I felt confident but decided to go in as my previous labour had progressed quickly. I felt emotional kissing my two sleeping little ones and leaving them in bed, my parents had arrived to look after them.

Robert had made me an amazing birthing playlist (I can't recommend that enough I was so looking forward to it and I get an oxytocin boost listening to it ever since. It makes cleaning jobs joyeous) which we had on in the car. In between I listened to the Freya app, it was a such comfort to hear Siobhan's voice which had been such good company to me throughout my pregnancy. I went in to the hospital on my own, there was still restrictions in place. Once I was examined and it was confirmed as established labour Robert would be able to join me. I had my headphones on all the time, sprayed roomspray, looked at photos on my phone of my children eating the bread I had baked for breakfast and drawings made for the baby while breathing through every surge.

The midwife who checked me said the surges weren't lasting very long, and that she couldn't see anything on the pad though I knew there had been some sort of show. I felt momentarily disheartened but kept my headphones on and stayed calm, trusting my body. I stayed on my feet all the time and gladly accepted gas and air. Which feels to me like having a glass of bubbly. Everyone was so kind and friendly, Robert joined me and we were offered some tea and breakfast it was about 7am by now but I said I wanted to save that for afterwards. It really is true that there is nothing like that first cup of tea and plate of toast with your baby in your arms.

We danced about to our playlist and Robert was there for every single surge holding my hand, talking to me and making me laugh. He made me feel so safe and made our little room feel like home. The surges got stronger and longer and I kept using the up breathing and remembering the affirmations. I was totally in the zone but starting to wobble a bit emotionally. Robert was by my side every single moment answering any questions from professionals and holding my hands. Then an amazing thing happened, the door opened and in came the midwife I had seen throughout my pregnancy (and sometimes in the previous two) she had just started her shift and I was so over the moon to see her. I got such a rush of comfort knowing she'd be with me. I said 'I'm so happy to see you'. I can't put in to words how much it meant to have her with us. I felt so understood, so cared for and so absolutely supported. She made me feel like a superwoman and gave me the extra strength I needed.

I still had my headphones on and, in between voice messages came through from Frida and Udo at home singing 'come on Mama, let's have another on'. After a while I started to get a bit lost, which I knew was transition, I could feel the motion changing from upwards to downwards and felt the pressure increase. Robert was amazing (he is the most wonderful, calm birth partner) and told me 'you know why this is happening, baby is right there knocking on the door, you just have to let them come'. I asked to be examined feeling like I needed to know what to do next, my brain was resisting my body bearing down. My wonderful midwife told me 'you know your body, trust your body' and explained they could examine again in a few hours but didn't think I'd need it.

At this point, or somewhere around here it's hard to get it all in the right order, I went to the toliet and a very powerful wave of pressure came through me. Instinctively I squatted on the ground but felt I was losing my focus. My midwife and Robert were instantly at either side of me and held me, my midwife knew I'd been practising hypnobirthing and started telling me visualisations. I was so touched by this and felt so understood it was unforgettable.

The ward manager came in at some point and asked if two junior doctors could come and be part of my birth, she was very lovely and said it was totally up to me.I took a moment to think and looking back it's a funny picture, our ska birthing playlist was playing on a Bluetooth speaker and everyone's feet were subconsciously tapping along to the beat as they waited. I felt so empowered by the Postive Birth Company that I could use my B.R.A.I.N and make a decision that was right for me. I knew that my baby was close to making an appearance and couldn't bear to be distracted by any new faces or questions so I said no, explaining that I just needed to focus. I was so proud of myself for that and wouldn't have had the confidence without Siobhan in my head (the junior doctors did do the newborn checks so I felt that made up for it and they were lovely).

I could feel the pressure was getting more and more intense and tried to feel if baby's head was as low as it felt. That was very instinctive and I was amazed when I could feel a head right there. I really feel that you and your baby do this together and I knew we could do it, that my baby was right there working with me. I was so fiercely determined to stay upright but was finding it hard to get in a position that felt right. My midwife told me not to worry she would be there to catch baby whatever position I was in which was so reassuring. I managed to climb on to the bed in between surges and kneel on it holding on to the back of the bed which felt just what I needed.

With Robert and my midwife on either side I knew I could do it. Everyone felt really far away then, it was just me and my baby whose head I could feel was going down and pulling up a little with each surge. I used the gas and air to help control my breathing and felt my body bearing down which was really intense but calm. Within about 10 minutes baby's head was out and then moments later his body. I closed my eyes and knew when I turned round my baby would be there and that spilt second before was so magic. I turned to see my beautiful baby asking if it was a boy or a girl. I knew in my heart it was a baby boy. We all looked together and there was our Winston. Absolute perfection.

He was born at 9.26am. We had skin on skin straight away and for a long time after. Winston started feeding straight away and hardly stopped. We had the most amazing tea and toast, rang our family at home and soaked up every blissful second with our new littlest man. The feeling of that tiny body resting against yours finding comfort there and those little feet resting on the bump they just came from is beyond words.

After about an hour I had a shower and Winston was weighed, I was amazed to hear he was just over 9lbs. Everyone was absolutely amazing, so kind to me and so positive about how I had managed. I felt they were genuinely proud of me and that meant so much to me. I will be forever grateful that my midwife was there, to everyone who helped and to Robert for never leaving my side and bringing our boy in to the world with me in such a supportive, calm and loving way.

We came home that afternoon to a hero's welcome. Our children and my family waiting on the pavement, Frida and Udo and their cousin Emmie bouncing with excitement and joy. It was indescribably special.

I hope this helps someone. I hope it helps you to look forward and be excited about the most magical moments to come. I hope it makes you feel like you can do anything. You CAN. Believe in yourself and your baby. You're strong and amazing Mamas. Aim for that tea and toast and look forward to meeting the most important (and breathtakingly beautiful) new tiny people in your lives.