Birth story - Natasha and baby Cosima

The births of both of my daughters, I can say with absolute certainty, have shaped the way I think about myself. My experiences have become a landmark in my memory, something I cherish and draw upon to feel happy and proud of myself. We arranged another drug free water-birth, and I was feeling positive about using my hypnobirthing approaches again. The Scottish health board had suspended all home births because of Covid, and that was never an opportunity. I’d spent past weeks reading positive birth stories from the Positive Birth company and going over ‘Birth Better’ book practicing my breathing and doing guided meditations.

I think that there is considerably more emphasis on the medicine available for you at birth than on the other non-clinical things that could support you to feel safe and reassured during labor. If you have the opportunity to birth your baby drug free, using hypnobirthing, try it. In my experience it has left lasting positive psychological benefits.

The day before Cosima came into the world I was feeling mild cramps. At about 2am, the contractions/ surges woke me up. I never considered, ‘this was it’. With Violet, I had recurrent powerful surges that were ruthless for 3 hours, so I assumed we had good deal of time. I struggled to go back to sleep. In the morning, one surge had me holding on to the side of the worktop, so I started preparing myself and explaining to Ralph and Violet we might meet Cosima this weekend! I recall experiencing glorious waves of euphoria and excitement. I wanted to appreciate every minute of what was ahead of us. I was pottering around the house listening to music in an oxytocin bubble, using my breath in for 4 out of 8.

The surges became stronger, and I wanted to get in the bath, the water felt good. I felt relaxed and safe in the place I spend most of my evenings. I put on the Freya app, timing surges, tuning into the guided meditations, all the while I could hear Ralph and Violet playing & laughing downstairs. I was filled with a wonderful sense of emotion and flow of endorphins. I guess hormones played a massive part in what happened next. I explained to Ralph he better hurry now and take Violet to her grandparents (10 minutes away)

When he left I had a brief shift in mindset and what you call fight-or-flight hormones kicking in. I was panicking about our plan to go to hospital, Masks, Covid-19 tests, possible interventions. My Freya app was now informing me I was in active labor. I still couldn’t believe that, and thought that I had maybe been pressing for surges more regularly than I should. Probably still in denial but feeling entirely in control and focussed on the fact that no matter what I was going to meet this wee baby soon.

Next, I remember noticing a rapid force of strength and intensity in my whole body (Which I was advised afterward was possibly a rise in the hormone epinephrine). At this stage I recognised there was no way we were traveling to the hospital which filled with me with tremendous relief and sense of complete calm. All I wished, was for Ralph to rush through the door because I had accepted that the pushing stage was close.

The thing about fast births is that you feel later like your experience gets fast-tracked. People find it hard to understand what has actually taken place and either give you the impression that you are a reproductive warrior or ‘just-lucky.’ Recalling how effectively the UFO position worked with Violet I got out of the bath, at this stage my waters broke and I got onto my knees. With a few mighty roars I birthed Cosima into the world. The cord was bound around her neck and I pulled it off. I grabbed a towel for her and went back in the bath, running more warm water.

She latched immediately and the next thing I heard the door open. I announced to Ralph, ‘we’re Ok’ and I’ll never forget the expression on his face when he opened the bathroom. He said the scene was very tranquil. We lay together with the cord still attached for over an hour. I look back and I remember feeling so especially protective over what took place next. Ralph and I agreed that we should inform the world Cosima had been born.

Ralph called the maternity unit to let them know and they sent paramedics out to check us over. I remember telling Ralph to tell them to whisper. Suddenly there was a huge 6 foot man in our bathroom with tears in his eyes. The midwife on the phone was pressuring for us to get to hospital because of risk of hemaoraging because at this point the placenta was still in-tact. I was determined this wasn’t taking place. The paramedic explained I had everything under control and to give it some more time. When they took Cosima into the room adjacent I got out of the bath and the placenta came away. I’ll never forget the image of it in a bucket, retained for the midwife to review later that evening. I got into bed with my darling Cosima and spent the remainder of the day with my family.