Birth story - Nicola and baby Amelia

*Trigger warning* - Use of contraction as not negative to me, fertility issues, HG, low fluid, covid, reduced movement & small second degree tear.

I’m so happy to finally share my positive birth story

PREGNANCY:

We found out we were pregnant extremely early, we had been trying for two years (18 months for this rainbow baby). Pregnancy wasn’t the easiest, I suffered with HG from 7 weeks until late in third trimester, antisickness medication did really help, low iron & PGP from 20 ish weeks. A scary time was catching covid at 30 weeks, mainly for being poorly & not being vaccinated. Luckily all recovered and ok.

I had a few episodes of reduced movement throughout, looking back I believe it was the anxieties of being a FTM and not confident, every-time I went into triage and baby was checked all was ok thankfully. I hadn’t felt her move properly at 39+5, I spent the morning doing all the tips and tricks but she was quiet so decided to ring the hospital. As this was my 4th time episode with RFM they decided to do a scan, this showed baby COULD POSSIBLY have low fluid which would indicate a problem with the placenta or her kidneys - OR mean absolutely nothing because she just took a big gulp. They said it would be best to induce by 40+2 (if she hadn’t come naturally on her own).

We used our B.R.A.I.N and after weighing up we decided this would be the best/safest route as it would be a medical reason for induction, not just because I was ‘late’. I spent the weekend really upset as this wasn’t the plan I had envisioned, I wanted to avoid induction like the plague! But I spent so much time on here and Instagram hashtagging positive induction stories and it really did help. It upset me that I couldn’t labor at home or be on a midwife led unit, however my husband encouraged me to embrace the new plan. On a Tuesday morning at 40+2 I had a call from the induction ward asking us to go in for 9.30, so we headed to the hospital with our bags backed and full of emotion!

LABOR:

As it was an induced labor, I found that mainly mentally difficult. As instead of being at home thinking ‘could this be it?’ And running myself a bath to help, I was waiting around for it. I had the 24hr pessary, then x2 6 hour pessaries - the first two didn’t do anything then the second I did have some pains which I thought may be it but the contractions stopped after around 6 hours which left me extremely disheartened and fed up. I had a cervical check (with consent) after every pessary and I was ‘not progressing’ - cervix was thinning but stayed at a tight 1cm dilated. A doctor came in to speak about our options, we could either try another pessary or opt for an electric c section. At this point I was so upset all I could do was cry, however, again with my husbands support and using our B.R.A.I.N we decided to try one more 6hr pessary and go from there.

I had the pessary around 9pm then my husband left, I walked around the hospital grounds curb walking the stairs, doing lunges, squatting, bouncing on my ball & listening to positive affirmations. Around midnight I started to experience pains but because of the previous night, I didn’t have high expectations and didn’t think much of it. These pains started to ramp up and get pretty intense from around 2am. I called in the midwife (two of them & they were my biggest support and made such a difference to my experience). They started timing the contractions, helped me labor and supported how I wanted things to progress, I was on the gas and air doing ok, I decided not to ring my husband as I wasn’t sure if this ‘was it’ or how long it would take. I had another cervical check and I was still 1cm. I continued to labor for a few hours then around 5am things started to ramp up quickly, contractions got very close and intense I asked the midwives to call my husband in.

When he arrived they had just checked me and I was 5-6cm and they were talking of breaking my waters, he came to my side and as soon as I saw him my waters broke naturally (all over his feet oops!). I honestly believe that my waters went naturally because seeing him I instantly felt more calm and relaxed! Things ramped up again so I asked for an epidural, this was something I didn’t think I’d want however it saved me as I managed to sleep which I believe gave me my energy!

BIRTH:

I was wheeled over to the labor room where the epidural was preformed, unfortunately I was struggling to keep still through the contractions so it took a few times before they could get it in safely, but once they did I fell straight to sleep. At this point I’d been in slow labor for 3 days and had barely any sleep or rest due to the anxieties of the induction & being in hospital alone.

This rest really helped me for the main event! When I woke up my husband had put out all my LED candles, positive affirmations & got my MP3 ready to play. The atmosphere in the room instantly changed from clinical environment to calm and relaxed!

I was told as I had the epidural I had to give birth on my back, which, again is not something I planned to do and voiced this to the midwives. I told them I wanted to go on all fours but they kept saying I wouldn’t be able to, however I could try - AND I DID IT! They were amazed and I already felt like superwomen. Due to being numb I did need some coach pushing but not a lot as I did still have some feelings. This was totally calm and relaxed and just perfect. My midwife really worked WITH me.

After just over a hour of pushing, she was here. I was able to pull her up through my legs myself and had golden hour straight away. I couldn’t believe what I just did, I just kept saying ‘OMG, I did it!’

We had delayed cord clamping and my husband was able to cut it, I suffered a small 2nd degree tear so whilst I was being stitched my husband had his skin to skin. It was all so surreal and insanely powerful. The midwife later told me that it was the calmest, most relaxed birth she had ever been a part of and that in itself made me feel totally invincible and proud.

Now when I tell our story to family/friends I often get replies like ‘wow, I never knew birth could be like that? I always thought it would just really hurt’ or something with a traumatic/negative outlook so I’m glad that with our experience I can hopefully shift that for any other FTMs I speak to in the future.

Even though I didn’t get the birth I wanted, it was better. It wasn’t what we planned but we made it our own by using knowledge we’d learnt from the PBC, without it I honestly believe it would have been a different experience for us.