Birth story - Mum and baby girl

First labour:

This was my second home birth, with my first I had a lovely water birth after a quick four hour labour. You can find that story on the group. The only thing I wanted to handle differently this time was the third stage. I’d had pressure to deliver the placenta and ended up having the injection after an hour and forty minutes of trying to push. I think that the shift in energy once my son was born really hindered my ability to birth the placenta naturally. It was a huge energy shift, lots of talking, lights on, too many hands on me and my son and lots of questions. The midwife’s shift ended just after I gave birth and I had around eight midwives in my house moving about. I didn’t mind it at the time but I’d lost all calm and I was giddy with excitement but struggling to be present. I ended up having a horrendous PUPPPS rash for six weeks postpartum which was very difficult for me to manage. I read that there is a link between this and the injection used to deliver placentas so I was very keen to avoid this second time around.

Pregnancy:

I had a very simple pregnancy with no real hiccups. I was very confident in my body's ability to carry and birth my baby thanks to my positive first birth experience. I had low PAPP-A and took aspirin throughout and because of this was put onto a small growth pathway. Baby measured small throughout but I didn’t pay any attention to this. My son was on a growth scan pathway too and through my research I’d discovered that all the data they base scan measurement is based on white babies and on average black and mixed race babies are smaller in general. My children are mixed race and based on their demographic actually measure perfectly average! I was diagnosed with polyhydrominos at my 34 week scan as my fluid was 8.2 and the cut off is 8! My midwives told me to ignore it, which I already had as they did this with my son too. Baby was breech at 36 weeks but through spinning babies and visualisations she turned at 37 weeks.

Prodormal Labour:

After experiencing a very long and very frustrating prodromal labour which began around 37 weeks I was convinced she would come early. My son was born at 39+6 so going past dates was a whole new experience for me! I spent the final three weeks of my pregnancy unplugging from the world and focusing on my baby and my body. Me, my partner and my son went on walks every day and spent our time exploring nature, cooking and preparing. It was actually really lovely and fun to keep finding new ways to get the oxytocin flowing. We went through many many candles and just So. Much. Sex. But still she did not come! It was a testing time and I found myself having to really go inwards, asking what is it she wanted me to do and realise ahead of arrival. I found lots of solace in this group and in learning even more about the rites of passage we experience as women. I used the time to listen to myself and my daughter and think about what it means to be a woman and grow and raise a woman too. When the questions of inductions and sweeps started coming in as time went on I became aware of how important it was for me to advocate for myself and for her. I wanted my daughter to be brought into the world being trusted and supported, not through fear or coercion. I knew no matter what, I had to trust that she would come when and how she was ready to and it was my job as her mother to be informed and confident. It wasn’t easy turning down the noise and ignoring the scaremongering and I went through a real journey of self discovery in these final weeks.

Birth:

I woke up at 4:30am on the 13th April and sighed, realising it was another morning without giving birth. I had some minor period pains and backache but at this point I was having these every day for over three weeks so I didn’t pay it much attention. My partner, T, who deals with all night wakings for my toddler, had just been up to settle him back to sleep, he told me that he didn’t feel very well which is strange as he is never ill. My son woke up again and I told him to stay in bed and I’d go to him because I’m up anyway with ‘period’ cramps. It had been months since I’d gone to settle my son in the early morning and it felt strange! I went in and laid with him, cuddling him till he fell asleep. I soaked up the moment, cherishing those cuddles whilst he slept. I’d started having tightenings that weren’t painful but they were rhythmic so I began timing them. At 6:30am my son woke up, the tightenings and cramps stopped and I got up and made him breakfast.

I went to sleep around 8am when my partner woke up, waking back up at 11:30am to the midwife at my door. I’d forgotten she was coming! She checked me and the baby, offered me a sweep which I declined and booked me in for another appointment and left. It was around 1pm when I had an overwhelming urge for Mcdonalds which I don’t really like and only started eating in pregnancy, to my dismay. So my partner went to get me one. I ate my Mcdonalds and watched some comedy clips whilst my partner gave our 16 month old some lunch. The moment I finished eating I got a contraction and it was actually painful rather than just a tightening. Suddenly the weeks of tightenings and cramps were put into perspective, I knew this felt different. I waited ten minutes before I timed them. They lasted about 1 and a half minutes and came every 4-5 minutes. I went to the kitchen and told my partner I think I might be in labour. I said, ‘let me go to the toilet as sometimes the full bladder makes them more intense and I’ll let you know.’ I came out, told him that I was definitely in labour and asked him to call my mum whilst I rang the midwife. I called the midwife, told her I didn’t need her with me yet but could she come and drop off the pool. Our trust gives you the pool for free and just asks for a donation towards the costs. I then rang my sister who said she was coming right away.

I got in the shower thinking I’d just have a quick rinse whilst my partner prepares the house and gets my son ready to leave. After 20 minutes I knew that I wasn’t leaving the water till the gas & air arrived! The shower head spraying on my stomach was really helping during contractions so I put the plug in to turn it into a bath and stayed there. My mum came and picked up my son and my sister arrived soon after, she sat with me in the bathroom helping me time contractions whilst my partner finished sorting out the house. For about ten minutes I could talk to her between contractions and then they increased in intensity and it became very quiet whilst I focused. I asked T, to call the midwife and ask her to come as I’d need gas & air soon. My sister got a big jug and poured water on my lower back whilst I held the shower head on my lower abdomen during contractions. We used the water as pain management in tandem together for about 30 minutes before the midwife arrived. During this I went through a transition, the pain intensified and I felt a lot of pressure in my pelvis and hips, it felt like they were opening up and I knew she was moving down. I really wanted some extra pain relief at this point and I wished the pool was ready as I remember it really helped during this period with my first! I tried to focus on my breathing and found relief in making noise and shouting through the pain.

The midwives arrived at this point, hearing me from the bathroom one of them told my partner that we probably won’t have time for the pool. My midwife, Ruth, who had been with me from the beginning came to see me in the bathroom and ask some questions. I told her I wanted gas & air and the pool, she told me the gas & air was here but the pool wasn’t ready. At this point I needed a wee so she said to come out and try for a wee and she’ll get the gas & air for me, I got out, went for a wee, had a very intense contraction and had an urge to push and pop went my waters and my bloody show. It somehow popped out of the toilet and onto the floor!? I gestured for my sister to get the midwife. She came back and confirmed it was my show. She asked if I wanted to have the baby in the bathroom, I said no and she said where should we go then because she’s coming soon and the pool isn’t even finished inflating yet. I said we should go into my son’s room. I went in there and leant over a beanbag on all fours whilst Ruth, Bailey and the student midwife Olivia put the shower curtain, towels and puppy pads around me. From the living room I heard T say “her birth preference is to birth in the living room so we need to follow that.” I took the gas & air out and grumbled to my sister to tell him that I’m ok being in here. She relayed the information and told him to give up with the pool (bless him) and come and join as baby was coming soon. He must have realised in this moment that she really was coming soon as for some reason he jumped over the pool (it was massive and he had so much space to walk around lol) and fell over. I wish I had seen this because he is usually cool as a cucumber all the time and never gets flustered. The midwives were also a bit flustered but I was in such a calm and confident head space that I remember finding it all a bit amusing like “look at them stressing over something so simple!”

Now I’m having very strong contractions and feeling intense pressure in my bum. My sister is by my side on the left and I’m holding her hand, and T comes to be by my side on the right and he’s holding my other hand and speaking affirmations in my ear. The contractions are really powerful now and the sensation of him in my ear is really helping offset the pain and it’s great to have something to focus on. The gas & air was also my best friend at this point. I begin to feel the pressure right in my bum and I know her head is coming, in between contractions I tell them this, the midwife goes to check and sure enough, her head is there. I tell T to go round and look, with another contraction I feel my body pushing deeply and I can feel her head right at the entrance to my vagina. There is a lot of talking and words of encouragement coming at me now but I’m honing in on my daughter and remaining focused. With the next contraction my body pushes out half of her head, the room gets louder now as the midwive’s urgently tell me to keep pushing as her chin isn’t out yet. “Just the chin left, come on just one more push please.” they say as I ignore them, they get more urgent. I pull the gas & air away from my mouth and very firmly grunt at them “when I’m ready.” I carry on waiting for the next contraction and when it comes my body pushes out the rest of her head and almost instantly after the next contraction comes and out comes the rest of her body. My waters broke with this final push and they are filled with meconium which splashes all over T who catches my daughter and passes her to me, through my legs.

I lean down and pick her up and pull her close to me, her tiny head reaching between my breasts. The student midwife tells me to be careful as the cord is short “no it’s not.” I tell her. Looking back I can’t believe my audacity and certainty, I had no reason to believe my cord wasn’t short but something in me was certain and confident, it was the same voice that knew not to push her chin out. (Sure enough though, when I birthed the placenta the cord proved to be long and glorious). The flurry of action begins again, lots of hands reach out to touch my baby as the midwife’s try to rub her and check her and put a hat on her head. I told them to leave us alone “leave us alone, she’s my baby! She’s fine.” I remember saying and they instantly backed off.

I stayed on my knees, holding my baby to my chest with T on my side. They offered me the injection and I reminded them of my plan. I was swaying from side to side rocking my daughter and being held by her Dad, focusing on her and us. The contractions for the third stage began and they were really uncomfortable. I tried laying back on the beanbag and breastfeeding and breathing through them. I found this part really difficult, something in me just really wanted the placenta out. If I wasn’t so sure that it was the injection that gave me that rash I probably would have agreed to have it but I stayed strong. I got the urge to stand up and push so I tried that and I asked the midwife to pull on the cord a little as it felt like it needed a bit of help and she gave a small tug and then out it came. The relief was instant! Once the placenta was out my partner tied our cord tie onto it and cut the cord. After being checked for any tears or grazes to which I had none, I passed the baby to T whilst my sister gave me a shower. I got into my “I just gave birth” pj’s and into bed. The midwives stayed for two hours just hanging out in the living room, doing paperwork and checking on us before they left. My son had his first sleepover out at my Mum’s whilst me, T and Odessa spent the night getting acquainted.

I was so empowered during this birth and I am taken aback by how confidently I advocated for myself and my daughter and how much I really trusted my body to do what it needs to do. My partner is completely in awe of me and just thinks that I’m the most magnificent being alive but his faith in my ability to do this and his trust in my instincts play a huge role in me getting to that point also.