Birth story - Mum and baby boy

Myself and my wife underwent reciprocal IVF to achieve our first pregnancy (her egg fertilised with donor sperm implanted into me). 

I had a relatively good pregnancy, although struggled at times throughout with pre existing anxiety. I was consultant led due to a thyroid condition, however I discussed my birth preferences with the team and they were extremely supportive. I had followed PBC for a long time and loved reading positive birth stories and imagining myself one day having that experience, so I knew I’d want to do the digital pack. 

We worked through the videos together and practiced all the breathing and relaxation techniques particularly in the last couple of weeks which helped to make us feel calm, prepared and excited about our upcoming labour and birth. 

From 28 weeks our obstetrician was concerned about the size of baby’s tummy. As there was no other medical indication they chose to monitor with growth scans which showed a steady growth outside of the 95th centile. At 36 weeks we were advised to consider induction at 39 weeks- given all the information to make our own decision. COVID19 was just beginning to become a reality in the UK, we even joked that we shouldn’t have shook hands with the doctor (how different things are now!), and this had an impact on our decision making. My wife and I had discussed induction already and whilst it wouldn’t be our first choice we used our BRAIN decision making and for many factors personal to us it was clear it would be the right option. 

Our hospital released new visiting restrictions the night before our induction which meant that whenever I was not on labour suite I would have to be alone. I had a serious wobble at this point and felt the labour and birth panning out in a way that I did not want. My wife reminded me that the stress I was letting take over would not help to bring our baby naturally and I regained focus and we went to sleep that night completely overwhelmed with love for each other and excitement at the prospect of meeting our baby. 

Just before midnight on Wednesday 1st April I had a pessary put in on the induction suite and was then allowed to go home for 24 hours to try and get labour going. At this point I met the midwife who would eventually deliver our baby. I slept quite well and woke up with mild cramps in my abdomen and back. We spent the day walking our dog, watching Friends, bouncing on my birth ball, napping, bathing and talking to our baby constantly asking him to come and join us. I timed my pains intermittently and while they were quite regular they weren’t building or lasting and I knew instinctively that this wasn’t ‘it’.

At midnight we made our way into hospital to continue the induction. We were extremely lucky that because we were going in overnight we would bypass induction suite and go straight to labour suite so my wife was allowed to be with me from the beginning. The attached midwife unit which we planned to use was now being used as an isolation ward for pregnant COVID patients, but labour suite felt calm and had all the equipment we needed to remain active. 

I had the second pessary inserted and we were encouraged to rest and hopefully things would pick up. I woke up 4 or 5 hours later realising that nothing had happened and all had gone quiet. I was examined and my cervix was soft but still very far back and only very slightly open. 

I suddenly had the urge to go to the toilet and lost my plug. I got so excited by this and began to trust that my body knew what it was doing and to stay patient and calm. 

At this point we met the day shift midwife who was immediately incredible and put us at so much ease. I prompted everyone to read my birth preferences and she was so supportive and even excited to help us achieve them. The next step was to have my waters broken but the unit was very busy so it wouldn’t be safe, we were top of the list as soon as it was. So we spent the day relaxing, undisturbed, getting some rest and conserving energy for the next step. The midwife provided us with essential oils in massage oil and diffuser, and showed my wife where to massage my back during a surge. This period was so beautiful. We listened to calming music and the birth affirmations and hours passed with bouncing on the ball while my wife gave me incredible light touch massage and the diffuser filled the room with a beautiful peaceful smell. I had regular, stronger, building contractions throughout that were picked up on intermittent, wireless Ctg monitoring, however they remained in my back and short. 

At 2pm the midwife came to break my waters. Unfortunately on examination baby’s head had descended well but my cervix had not come forward, therefore any examination was very painful and breaking my waters seemed to be impossible. At this point the doctor discussed with us our options, all of which meant going home without giving birth that day. We were left to talk it over and despite knowing that the road ahead could be long and more medicalised than we would have chosen, we knew instinctively that this was the time to have our baby and we could not leave the hospital without having him. 

This resolve coupled with the oxytocin we had created allowed me to calmly tolerate a further examination with a bit of gas and air and eventually my waters broke, to the cheers of my wife, the midwife and the doctor. 

By this time (around 7pm on 3rd April) the night team came to see us to talk about a plan to get things moving. The midwife on the night shift who would be looking after us was the midwife who began my induction and it felt great to see a familiar face. They were keen to start the syntocinon drip straight away considering I had already been there for so long, the consultant advised that due to the position of my cervix I may find the whole thing more uncomfortable than normal and to consider an epidural and a c-section after 6 hours if nothing happened. We discussed this and with the excellent advice of the midwife decided to go for a low dose or ‘mobile’ epidural so that I would be able to rest between any surges, and keep active once things were established. This was inserted straight away and I must say I couldn’t really notice a huge difference, I was able to mobilise around the bed side and go to the toilet unaided. The drip started at 8.30pm and I encouraged my wife to have some sleep while I breathed through more regular, stronger and longer surges. They felt intense in my back at their peak but completely tolerable. I felt pressure in my pelvis frequently but kept telling myself this can’t possibly be it yet!

After 6 hours I was examined and our midwife calmly told us ‘you’ve done it’. I was 10cm dilated, my first response was to swear at her as I was so shocked! She told us we would wait an hour and then begin pushing. She left the room briefly and I immediately told my wife I was frightened and not ready and started crying. Within a few seconds we were both laughing at my response after how long we had been trying to get to this point, knowing it was clearly transition. 

At 3.30am our midwife reminded us to put our music on, spray some energising room spray and I got onto my hands and knees on the bed to start actively pushing- due to the epidural I would have to do this more actively than breathing baby out. I had specified I did not want to be coached to push but I agreed to be coached if she thought it was necessary. The urge was there immediately and frequently and I immediately felt a power within my body that I didn’t know I had. I was focused and powerful when pushing and quiet and calm in between. Appreciating incredibly supportive and calming words from my wife throughout.

After an hour I agreed to be examined and got on to my back for this. Despite being so opposed to lying on my back to birth my baby I was immediately more comfortable and felt that I could be much more effective in this position. I pushed while the midwife felt the effect and I was pushing baby’s head effectively and powerfully but he didn’t seem able to get fully into the birth canal and he had begun to show signs of distress on the CTG. 

The doctors came and calmly discussed our options. Their advice was to consider letting them help baby out with forceps - knowing that there were concerns about baby’s size and our personal anxieties regarding the complications that can occur with larger babies I agreed, I was frightened of needing forceps but in that moment I would have done anything to ensure our baby’s safe arrival. The team were respectful, calm and gave me all the information I needed to feel in control.

The next hour is a bit of a blur but it took 2 doctors to help baby out with forceps. My lasting memory is of the voices of my wife and the whole team giving me incredible motivation to help them by pushing - it was loud and full of energy - the last thing I ever imagined for this moment in my life - but it did not frighten me, it made me feel powerful, lifted up by the women surrounding me and only more determined to bring our baby safely. 

It took a long time to get baby’s head out, but at 5.20am it was out, and he began crying ferociously and the whole room gave a sigh of relief, my wife said ‘can you hear that, it’s our baby crying!’ The next moment his body was delivered and incredibly, despite the number of people in the room and the medical situation our midwife remembered our preferences and calmly instructed no one else to touch him, and told my wife ‘pick up your baby and put him on your wife’s chest’ this was the most overwhelming, beautiful and emotional moment of both of our lives and we sobbed with joy and relief that he was here, safe and healthy. 

I had needed an episiotomy and had a degree 3b tear requiring repair in theatre, plus a PPH. I was transferred to the postnatal ward with baby at around 9.30am and at this point my wife had to leave us as there were no visitors allowed. This was emotionally hard as we of course wanted to be all together but we knew it was only temporary and the euphoria of having him here carried us through. 

COVID 19 had no effect on my birth experience, except that every member of staff we came into contact with wore extra PPE. The care was unaffected and absolutely outstanding at every single point. I will never forget what the midwives, doctors, anaesthetists, HCAs and domestic staff did for us over the 5 days we were in their care, all I can say is it makes us both extremely proud to work in the NHS. I look back on the whole experience with huge emotion and pride, and feel safe to say that despite it being complex, medicalised and traumatic on paper, the birth of our baby boy was the most incredible, powerful and positive experience of my life. 

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