Birth story - Debbie and baby Bonnie

I have always been absolutely terrified at the thought of giving birth. It put me off having children for so long. When I did feel ready to start a family it wasn't because I had gotten over my fear, it just changed to a feeling of being resigned to a horrible experience but with the benefit of getting a baby at the end of it.

In the early part of my pregnancy I found The Positive Birth Company on Instagram. At first the birth stories, and especially the photos, terrified me. But after a few months of looking at the posts for a little longer each time I was able to read them and even enjoy and take strength from them. I became interested in childbirth for the first time.

On the first day of my maternity leave at 5am my waters broke, two and a half weeks early! We used the BRAIN technique to decide that my husband should go to work as normal as we thought it would be a while until things really started to happen and we wanted to make the most of his paternity leave. But by 11am my surges were coming quickly and I couldn't talk during them.

My mother-in-law got me into a taxi and up to the midwife led unit at our local hospital. I arrived before my husband, who had my birth preferences, (which I wrote using the fab template from The Positive Birth Company's book) so I had to try to talk to the midwife, which was becoming harder and harder. She asked to examine me but I explained that I would rather not have vaginal exams as they make me incredibly uncomfortable, I even fainted during my last smear test. She said that without knowing how dilated I was she wouldn't be able to judge whether gas and air would work for me. But I think hearing how intense my surges were and how quickly they were coming she let me try it, and it worked wonders for me!

By this point both my husband and my friend who was my second birth partner had arrived. They asked if I wanted them to get the room ready. I had brought candles, aromatherapy spray and lots of other bits to help me relax, but in the moment all I wanted was quiet and stillness. Almost as soon as I entered the delivery room I sat on a stool and leaned down on a hammock, after a while people helped me wheel carefully to the bed where the midwife propped up a bean bag for me to lean over which was so much more comfortable. Then my friend suggested I switch to the birthing ball. It took so much will power to lift myself up an inch so that she could take the stool away but as soon as I was on the ball she suggested I rock my hips a little which just felt so right. I had always thought I would want to be mobile during labour but all I wanted was to be still a and learning forward.

Thanks to my birth preferences document I wrote, the midwives were able to leave me relatively undisturbed apart from checking baby's heartbeat every now and again because I had declined exams. I had also written that I wanted to try labouring without anything other than gas and air and that I didn't want to be offered medication as I would rather bring up the topic myself if I felt I needed it. This meant I could have the silence I craved which was wonderful and I didn't even think to ask for pain relief, not because it didn't hurt but because the idea of it wasn't suggested by anyone, which I am so grateful for.

After a while the feeling changed, it became more intense around my bum and less painful around my lower abdomen. It honestly just felt like I needed to do a huge poop. But every time it felt like baby was nearly out I got scared because the feeling was so strange. Apparently I sucked baby back in for about 45 minutes! But then I thought to myself "trust my body and let it happen" so the next time I felt it I gave a tiny nudge. I didn't push exactly, or relax my muscles, I just gave baby the opportunity she needed and out she came. My beautiful baby Bonnie was born at 5pm. 

I had a wonderful few hours with her but then everything changed after our midwife told us I would need stitches for a second degree tear. This was my biggest fear and I point blank refused. After using BRAIN again and about 1.5 hours of shaking with fear, I admitted to the midwives that I knew I should have them but I was just too scared to say yes. The midwives were amazing and we were able to talk through what was scaring me. My friend played music next to my ear. Loud enough that I couldn't hear the midwife working but quiet enough that we could talk if we needed too. Our midwives also made an impromptu screen out of some sheets and a tall lamp so that I couldn't see what was happening. Up breathing and gas and air made so much difference and I was back to cuddling Bonnie in no time.

Understanding childbirth and my options completely altered my state of mind and enabled me to have a calm and positive birth. I have friends who gave birth in the same hospital who had great experiences but didn't know that you don't have to follow the guidelines set out by the hospital, such as having vaginal exams or an injection to deliver the placenta. I turned down both of these but they had no idea it was an option and their midwives did both of these because it's part of the standard care. 

My birth experience was in my control (partly because I was very lucky and had no complications) which empowered me throughout. That and my favourite affirmation which my friend whispered in my ear shortly before Bonnie arrived - your surges cannot be stronger than you because they are you.

So that's it, that's my birth story. I left quite a bit of detail out otherwise it would take a week to write and things like my mother-in-law fainting in the delivery room are more like funny side notes. But I really hope you get a sense of how much you helped me. Whilst breathing techniques and affirmations helped a lot. The two most helpful things were without doubt 1) the knowledge and confidence you gave me by teaching me how my body works and that my body is perfectly capable of birthing a baby, I just have to let it happen. And 2) reading other women's birth stories, the good, the difficult and the different.