Birth story - Mum and baby boy

*Trigger Warning* - use of word contraction, use of word pain, 2nd degree tear, nitrous oxide

Stick with me, it's a long one!

I am so thrilled to share my birth story with this group! I read soooo many birth stories prior to my labor and delivery and found that focusing on these positive experiences made me excited to give birth and brought me peace in remembering that our bodies were built to birth!

Prior to pregnancy-

I have a vivid memory of a girl's night taking place in my living room a few years back. It was all baby talk all night long as my friends exchanged stories about their pregnancies and labors. As I sat quietly listening, I quickly noticed a few themes in the majority of their stories: they did whatever their doctors suggested without asking questions or fully understanding what was "happening to them," they did not feel informed or in control of their labor experience, and some even felt traumatized by how things played out. Sadly, these stories were similar to many others I had heard from friends/family who had recently given birth in our area. With that in mind, I told myself that I would fight for a different experience when it was my turn to become a mother. My goal was to feel like I was calling the shots (as much as possible at least,) to feel empowered, to mitigate risks, have a quick recovery, and, of course, have a healthy baby.

I made educating myself a priority, conducted my own research, interviewed three doulas and hired our favorite, and took the PBC hypnobirthing class. These were all preparation activities that were unpopular to the birthing culture around me. As a matter of fact, I had an OB tell me that doulas were a "waste of money" and another OB tell me that "hypnobirthing MIGHT help but 90% of our patients get an epidural-it’s there for a reason." It was obvious to me that I was going to have to be strong in advocating for myself and my baby. Regardless, I tried not to focus on the static I caught here and there and instead focus inwardly and trust that the work I put in would serve me well. Now that it's all said and done, I feel that my preparation was critical in my success in having an amazing and empowering journey!

Pregnancy -

I was blessed with a healthy, straightforward, and low-risk pregnancy.

1st trimester symptoms - exhaustion, tender breasts, intermittent nausea and a few vomiting episodes

2nd trimester symptoms - Covid positive with mild symptoms, pelvic girdle pain, sciatic nerve pain, swollen feet/ankles

3rd trimester symptoms - pelvic girdle pain, swollen feet/ankles, intermittent heartburn, leg cramps at night, insomnia at times, fatigue, leaky breasts, and general joint pain

All three trimesters - bleeding gums, crying spells/emotional, sweaty/body odor, increased appetite, and vivid dreams

All in all, I felt that my symptoms were very manageable and found a lot of joy in pregnancy! Sometimes I miss it!

I spent the last month of my pregnancy focusing on keeping a calm and centered mindset. I had previously been working 70+ hours a week in an incredibly demanding career and it was time for me to nest and slow down! I tend to be anxious, so I knew I needed to be intentional about practicing mindfulness and meditation! I had read several books in preparation for labor and delivery and my husband and I took a series of birthing classes, but I found myself seeking something more....I had dabbled around with the thought of a natural labor and on a whim decided to join a free virtual webinar on the topic (I was scrolling on Facebook and saw the live webinar started in 3 minutes and decided to join!) The webinar discussed the benefits of hypnobirthing, and this is where I got the idea to explore the concept. I came across the Positive Birth Company and took the class. WOW-so glad I did! This was exactly what I was needing at the end of pregnancy.

As an American, I appreciated the perspective from "across the pond" where midwife-led birth, drug-free births, birthing centers, and home births are all much more common than here in the U.S. Siobhan saying that many birthing classes simply teach you how to be a patient resonated with me! Hypnobirthing offered the perfect combination of feeling informed and inspired for what was to come and I recommend it to everyone. We also had discussed our birth preferences with our doula in advance and knowing that she was going to be one of my birth partners made me feel much more confident about attempting as close to a natural labor as possible. She was really encouraging all along the way!

In the weeks leading up to my due date I really had little to no labor signs. I drank several glasses of red raspberry leaf tea daily, ate dates and enjoyed a pineapple smoothie every morning, and even consumed an entire eggplant parmesan casserole haha. I also tried to walk as much as possible despite our frigid winter weather, practiced prenatal yoga, bounced on my birthing ball alllll the time, climbed stairs, meditated, and constantly read positive birth stories and affirmations (especially if I was awake at night and couldn't sleep.) All of these things had me feeling great-but no early labor signs other than just one night of Braxton Hicks at 38+5.

My due date came and went and I had a flood of text messages checking in on how I was doing. I still felt well physically and overall felt quite calm and centered. I was just patiently waiting to meet my little prince and trusted he knew when it was time to make his debut!

40+1-I had a scheduled OB appointment with a non-stress test and ultrasound to evaluate how the baby and I were doing. The non-stress test showed some very very light contractions, but I could barely feel them as they were happening. I remember feeling a little disappointed that there didn't seem to be more action. The ultrasound confirmed that our son's head was down but that he was positioned "sunny-side up." We met with the OB afterwards. She explained what the doctors look for when a patient goes past their due date. She then explained that between my NST and the ultrasound that everything looked great and that the baby could turn to the preferred position during labor. The next sentence was her explaining that I would be automatically enrolled on the induction list because I went past my due date and that the hospital could call me in as early as that evening....And this is how it's done in the U.S. folks! I told her that I had no interest in being induced especially after learning that there were no medical concerns for the baby or myself. She said that was fine but that I should aim to accept an induction by 40+5 if I had not gone into labor already. Knowing I had another NST scheduled for 40+4, I asked about the possibility of everything still looking great at that appointment but still no desire to accept an induction. The doctor seemed slightly annoyed by my noncompliant self-advocacy and replied that I "really need to have the baby sometime in the coming weekend before 41 weeks." I said "okay, but what if I continue to decline an induction through the weekend?" She took a breath and said "well, I mean..it's not like we are going to send the cops to your house. You MUST be seen here first thing Monday morning for imperative monitoring!" This sort of felt like more of a light threat than a conversation about my options.

She then offered a vaginal exam and discussed a membrane sweep if I was at least 1 cm dilated. I politely declined both but I did ask to see an OB after my scheduled NST later that week. She agreed to amend my upcoming appointment to add the consultation. After this we went home and later that night I had Braxton Hicks for about 3-4 hours straight in the evening. I started to feel a little excited like maybe something was happening, but I slept through the night and the tightening stopped.

40+2-I felt totally fine and just focused on meditating and climbing stairs. I could feel the baby moving down when climbing the stairs! I took a nap and tried to relax. I figured it would be good to try a massage or reflexology so I found an appointment for the next day (of course, I hoped I would have to cancel it because I would be in labor haha!) The hospital called me and invited me in for an induction which I declined.

40+3 I took myself out to get some lunch and went in for a manicure. The nail tech asked me when I was due as I waddled over to my seat. His eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his head when I casually answered, "three days ago." I then went for a reflexology session which I had never done before. The session was very relaxing, and the therapist focused on the ankle area that is affiliated with the uterus. By the end of the hour the terrible swelling in my feet and ankles were gone. I almost didn't recognize them ha! The therapist mentioned that the part of my feet that were associated with the adrenal glands were very relaxed. She said that most of her clients have so much tightness here and that my mindfulness was paying off because my body wasn't manifesting too much stress!

40+4 The hospital called again and invited me in for an induction. I declined their offer and asked that they not call again. I had another normal day and was slightly nervous about my appointment later that afternoon because I was sure that the doctor was going to really be pushy about inducing me. We went for the NST and I was surprised to see even LESS contractions than I had seen three days earlier! This time we met with a different OB who luckily was more receptive about my desire to go into spontaneous labor. This appointment was more conversational and I felt seen and heard with this doctor. We discussed the pros and cons of both a vaginal exam and a membrane sweep. I had already discussed these earlier that morning with our doula but it was also helpful to chat with the doctor. I decided to accept the vaginal exam. The OB declared that I was 3cm dilated and 60% effaced! I was thrilled to hear this! It was a boost of confidence that my body was already working more than I knew. I then consented for the membrane sweep. Although it was quick and the doctor talked to me the entire time, I really underestimated how much I would dislike this...wow. It felt like I was being lifted off of the exam table through my vagina and all in all I felt this was very unpleasant. Fortunately, besides a tiny bit of blood I felt fine afterwards and never experienced any cramping.

I had expressed my concern to the OB about accepting an induction over the weekend. She agreed to book me an ultrasound and additional NST for first thing Monday morning in case I had not gone into labor yet. Having this appointment on the books took a lot of pressure off of me. The OB did say that she felt it was likely that I would go into labor within the next 48 hours considering my current specs. We left this appointment feeling pleased and relaxed for the rest of the evening.

40+5 More stair climbing and ball bouncing lol! My knees were starting to ache at this point because wow was my belly quite large! Around 10AM I went to the bathroom and noticed some of what I thought was my mucus plug on the toilet paper....now this was exciting! I sent a picture to my sister haha and she agreed that she also thought this looked like my plug. To keep my mind occupied I decided to bake my son a birthday cake hoping that he would get the hint that today would be a nice day for a birthday! By 4PM I had two layers of yellow cake and homemade buttercream cooling in my fridge. I put on one of my favorite shows and elevated my feet. I considered taking a nap but never did fall asleep.

Later that night I told my husband that I thought I should try some spicy food for dinner. We thought about going across town to get some spicy pad Thai but decided not to venture out that far. I messaged my mom and asked her if she still had jalapeno poppers in her freezer using the super hot peppers from her garden. She replied "you're that desperate, huh?" Haha! Instead I settled for a quick meal of nachos with jalapenos from my parent's garden.

At 7:30PM I had just finished my spicy nachos and relaxed on the couch scrolling on my phone with my dog's head laying on my lap. All of the sudden I felt and heard an audible "POP!" For a split second I wondered if my water broke but then I immediately experienced intense cramping (similar to the kind you feel if you are about to have period diarrhea.) I got up and rushed to the toilet thinking I might have diarrhea. As soon as I sat down, I heard a big KER PLUNK. Curiously, I turned to look in the toilet and saw what was undoubtedly my mucus plug in all its glory haha. I exclaimed "whoa!!" and my husband ran over to the bathroom to check on me. I asked if he wanted to see my mucus plug and he scurried away as quickly as he could tehehe. I then sent a photo to my sister and we both laughed that we thought I had already lost the whole thing earlier. I texted our doula to keep her updated.

Ten minutes after I lost my mucus plug I had my first contraction. It was about 7:40PM. I remember thinking "here we go, this is going to be a long night!" I texted my mom to let her know I was in labor and that we would be dropping our dog off to her house later that evening. Although I didn't find my contractions overly painful at this point, they did seem to be coming quicker than I had anticipated. I had a sense of urgency come over me and I instructed my husband to take the trash out and run the dishwasher while I went upstairs to add the final things to my hospital bag. While upstairs I had a couple of long surges where I stopped packing and sat on my bed to breathe.

Once I felt the house was in order, I sat on my birthing ball and tried to breathe through the contractions. The pain was there but manageable. Our plan was to labor at home as long as possible. Our doula was available to come to our home to assist with early labor or meet us at the hospital. Since this was our first baby I figured I would be laboring through the night at home for several hours. At this point we were texting the doula to keep her updated but managing on our own at home.

Between 8PM-9PM I tried to just relax as best I could and bounce on my ball but I was struggling to get into a rhythm with my up-breathing. My contractions were coming in a rather confusing pattern, sometimes back to back, sometimes with a break, sometimes very short and sometimes much longer. I felt a little cold and clammy and although I felt calm my body was very tense. I was constantly reminding myself to relax my jaw and drop my shoulders. I could feel the muscles in my neck and shoulders forming tight knots and I brushed my sweaty palms against my thighs repeatedly.

I decided that it was time to take my dog to my parent's house because although he definitely provokes oxytocin I felt like I needed to eliminate distractions to focus. When saying goodbye to my dog-I completely cracked and lost my composure. I started bawling! I think I was overwhelmed with many emotions including nerves of labor FINALLY happening and also the reality that my life was about to change forever. I felt like in that instant I was saying goodbye to my old self as I was about to welcome a new me. When I saw my dog next we would have our little boy with us-everything was going to be so different! My husband was a little caught off guard by my crying and tried to comfort me. I went to the bathroom to blow my nose and clean up my ruined makeup. When I came out of the bathroom I felt re-centered and calm again. Guess I just needed to get that little crying spell out of my system!

I sat down on the couch and heard my husband pull out of the driveway with the dog. As this was happening, I felt warm wetness soak my pants and undies...my water had broken! I called my husband and told him not to dilly dally and to get back to the house as soon as possible. By the time he returned minutes later (my parents live down the road) my contractions had intensified. We decided to dim the lights and put on a classic Disney movie to relax together on the couch. Well, we didn't even make it through the opening credits before I stood up and sharply instructed my husband to turn off the movie. He was a little perplexed since minutes before I asked him to turn it on haha. I told him I needed calming music and to focus. We put on an image of a tropical island on the tv and soft spa music and I went back to the birthing ball.

We started timing my contractions using an app. I would say "go" and "stop" and he would hit the buttons on the app. After about 20 minutes the app was alerting us to head to the hospital but I told my husband I didn't feel like I needed to go yet. While this was happening he was also texting our doula and providing updates. We were asking her about the unusual pattern of the contractions and she agreed that they seemed to be irregular. She asked to speak on the phone (I think to hear my breathing and to evaluate how I was coping.) I told her that I was doing okay with the pain but that I was struggling to utilize the breathing techniques because many of the contractions were coming one right after the other and that I was having trouble relaxing my muscles. We agreed that trying a warm bath might be helpful.

Into the tub I went! And yes, it was helpful and I believe I was there for 90 minutes! The warm water was like a comforting hug and certainly helped relax me. I noticed, however, that when I tried to lay back in the tub that my surges became way sharper. I decided that the most comfortable thing to do was to just stay seated upright. It did feel a little silly to only have my lower half in the water but laying back was just not something I wanted to do.

After an hour or so I started to get what I thought were the shivers. Thinking I was getting cold from my upper half being out of the water, I asked my husband to pour water on my back and shoulders. He went on doing this for a while and mentioned how incredibly hot the water was but it was like I couldn't even appreciate or notice the temperature. Instead of warming up with the hot water being poured on me, my shivers evolved into full on shakes and it dawned on me that I was not cold-I was just straight up trembling. My husband messaged the doula and let her know about my uncontrollable shakes and she advised I get dressed and head to the hospital right away and she would meet us there.

My husband assisted me out of the tub and helped me towel dry and get dressed while he warmed up the Jeep. I remember telling him to make sure the radio was off and it wasn't too hot in the vehicle. Getting dressed proved to be difficult because standing upright caused very sharp pain so I dried, dressed, and put my winter coat and boots on bent over at the waist. At 11:30PM we departed for the hospital.

Our drive time to the hospital was about 25 minutes. At this time of night there was no traffic other than the one very slow driver in front of us on the curviest road with no passing zones! I remember scolding my husband for being reluctant to pass the vehicle in front of us. Otherwise, I kept my eyes closed and focused on up-breathing for the ride.

When we arrived at the hospital our doula met us at the door. It was midnight. She noticed as I got out of the vehicle that I was having trouble standing upright so she quickly grabbed a wheelchair and carted me up to the OB floor while my husband parked. The contractions were coming consistently and my shaking was not letting up.

My husband met me in the OB triage where a very lovely RN and NP assessed me. As I layed on the exam table I felt a ton of fluids leak out everywhere and apologized for the mess haha. Laying straight on my back for the exam and ultrasound was incredibly uncomfortable and up-breathing felt imperative. I remember I could not stop shaking or leaking and the ladies encouraged me to take my time breathing through my contractions. The assessment results were that I was 5cm dilated and 80% effaced. The nurse said this was a great starting point for arriving at the hospital and had an encouraging upbeat attitude that was a nice pick me up. I was pleased to hear these numbers!

The ultrasound confirmed that the baby was head down but "star-gazing" and facing upward. They said that since he and I were back to back that was likely causing the irregular contractions I had been experiencing. The NP was not concerned and said that there were some labor positions that may help encourage him to rotate.

I was then wheeled to my labor and delivery room. Our doula quickly worked to set the mood by dimming the lights and hanging up little fairy lights. The only thing I wanted to do was sit on the birthing ball. I was still shaking and struggling to manage my up-breathing. The knots in my neck and shoulders were throbbing and continued to tighten. I was flirting with a tension headache. The doula sat behind me and rubbed my back for about an hour while I focused on breathing. I could tell that my husband felt unsure of how to help but I told him I was fine and that I didn't want anyone else near me haha. He then helped himself to the snack bag and I lost my temper a bit hearing him crinkle around a mini bag of Goldfish crackers. I remember everyone quietly chuckling at my little outburst haha!

Our nurse was incredibly sweet. We probably would have talked each other's ears off had the circumstances been different but I was just not in a chatty mood. She and I did review my printed birth preferences though and I appreciated her diligence in clarifying my plan. I had asked for intermittent fetal monitoring but it was suggested that we go for continuous monitoring (I don't recall why.) I had no desire to get up for a walk around since my pain doubled when standing so having the monitors was a non-issue other than they slid around a bit and she needed to re-adjust them a few times but it wasn't a big deal.

At approximately 1:30AM the doula suggested I try to labor in some different positions. I was reluctant because the ball was bearable, but agreed that I should try. I stood up and leaned against my husband with my arms around his shoulders and we swayed together. I hated it haha! Again, being upright caused the surges to become so much more intense. After standing for one contraction I declared I wanted to sit back down but right away went into another contraction. The pain took my breath away and I turned to lean on a table in the room. This contraction went on for almost two minutes and was the most extreme pain I had encountered yet.

I made it back to the ball and asked for gas and air. I was starting to feel a little out of control. I remember rolling my head around my neck, clenching my jaw and fists, sweating, and shaking a bit still. I still struggled with my up-breathing but the coaching from my doula did help. I didn't feel comfortable but I did feel calm and safe.

The gas and air arrived and everything changed! For the first time in the night I felt like I was in control. The nitrous oxide was amazing! I did not feel high, dizzy, or loopy. As a matter of fact, I felt totally normal, just more relaxed. Having to hold the mask up to my face allowed me to develop the rhythm for my inhaling and exhaling. At this point I could master the up-breathing! This was a drastic improvement.

Since I was feeling better, it was suggested that I change up my labor position again. This time I moved to the bed. Our doula guided me into a position that would help encourage the baby to rotate. I laid on my side on the edge of the bed with my huge belly hanging completely over the side. My lower leg was straight and my top leg was straightened and then brought forward at the hip to hang off of the bed too. Holy cow.....I couldn't get enough gas and air for this!! This was hands down the most painful part of my entire labor and delivery! I shook my head and in a very whiny pained voice stated that I couldn't do this. The doula said if it hurts it's working and asked if I could hold on for two minutes which I agreed to do constantly taking hits of nitrous oxide. I then rotated over and mirrored the position on the other side. This side was night and day difference! There was absolutely no pain and I was so comfortable and exhausted I remember dozing off between surges! It seemed like this position must have helped the baby turn because although my contractions had less time in between them going forward the pain had seemed to lessen.

I got up to use the restroom and then returned to the bed which was adjusted to be in a sitting upright position. I labored here for the next 2 hours or so. Gravity felt like it was my friend and I continued to focus on my breath and utilize the gas and air during contractions. It was dark in the room besides the fairy lights and my husband took a brief snooze on the couch and I dozed off a few times between contractions.

I remember feeling absolutely exhausted but also like this was the easiest period of my labor...and come to find out I was even in transition! I had allowed myself to surrender to the surges and my breathing had changed to the low moaning and mooing. Honestly, I can't believe my husband slept through these noises haha! Although the contractions were coming more frequently they were at least arriving at consistent intervals which made them easier to handle.

After going on for a while I started to wonder if I was going to have the stamina to keep laboring without pain medication. At this point it was after 5AM and I had been awake since 8AM the day before. All the tension I had held in my body felt like it had done a number on me. I remember quietly asking my doula for a refresh on the pros and cons of receiving the epidural. I told her I was doing okay with the pain but I was running out of juice and was concerned about having enough energy to keep laboring for much longer. I knew it would likely be easier to rest if I received an epidural. My doula calmy talked to me about the risks and benefits of receiving the epidural and I told her it was on my mind but I wasn't ready to consent to one yet.

Minutes after this conversation the nurse came in and suggested that we get the doctor to examine my progress. The doctor arrived and seconds after examining shared that I was fully dilated and ready to push! Whoa! I remember saying "What?! Really?!" I was in disbelief. My transition was not nearly as painful as I had anticipated it to be. In fact, none of the labor thus far was as painful as I thought it would be and I was thrilled to get on with pushing. I was ready to meet my baby! I had a second wind from the excitement and asked the nurse and my doula if they thought that I could carry on without receiving the epidural. In unison, they both exclaimed "YES!" Their confidence in me boosted my confidence in myself and I was ready to go!

Before pushing I made another trip to the bathroom. Both bathroom trips were quite messy ordeals with lots of fluids leaking out still. I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I looked a bit pale and tired but also had a little sparkle in my eye. When I returned, the nurse explained the hospital's policy of allowing first time mothers up to three hours for pushing and explained how to push. She alluded to expecting my experience to go much faster than 3 hours and I remember thinking the same thing. The way that everything had progressed at a steady pace I figured pushing would continue on the same trajectory.

At 5:50AM I began pushing. I had read so many birth stories about women feeling themselves bear down and their body taking over and pushing instinctively. Well, I can assure you that was not my experience! There was one only contraction where I felt the urge to push but otherwise I was reminded why this process is called labor haha because things were definitely not just happening on their own. All but one push was forced. For the first time in my labor, my contractions had slowed down and spaced out. While the break to relax between contractions was welcomed, it also seemed to prolong this last phase.

For my first push I layed on the bed sideways and didn't feel like that position was going to be productive for me. I then switched to my hands and knees and on my exhales would shift to a child's pose. I pushed like this for a while and could really feel the baby moving here. I felt like my body was melting into the bed. Never have I ever felt more bendy and flexible in my life. My face was smashed into the pillows and I remember getting very hot and sweaty but I felt like we were getting close. However, the nurse observed that I was having trouble getting his head past the pubic bone and so she suggested a new position.

The new position had me lay on my back on the bed while a bar was attached to the sides that came across above my feet. On each contraction I was instructed to place my feet on the bars and push away while I grabbed a knotted pillowcase that was tied around the center of the bar and used my arms to pull up and crunch my upper body up towards the bar. Seemed easy enough. Wrong! After one set of these I felt like I was spent. This position felt so incredibly strenuous. I had not prepared for the full body workout that I was experiencing! My husband supported me by lifting my back each push. With that said, this position did feel like it was helping give me the little extra umph I needed.

Shift change happened at 7AM. I had my bare butt and crotch up in the air facing the center of the room as the new staff entered and introduced themselves to me. I then recall having a very loud fart and feeling myself poo while pushing. Half of me was extremely embarrassed and the other half of me thought "good-might as well get everything out, including this baby!" Childbirth is truly very humbling!

I overheard the first nurse give the run-down to the new nurse and she had shared how impressed she was with my coping skills and that the baby had also been tolerating the labor really well. This was nice to hear and reminded me how far I had come already.

After tiring out on what felt like competing in the Olympics with the bar setup I decided I wanted to go back to my hands and knees. This position was so much less tiring. I continued to utilize the gas and air between pushes and pushed here for a while longer but still struggled to get the baby's head past my pubic bone.

I then switched back to the bar setup. I felt as though I was running on empty and about to expire at any time. Hot, sweaty, weak, exhausted. I truly felt that the pain during the pushing phase was more manageable than earlier in my labor, especially because I was getting to rest a bit between contractions. However, the physical exhaustion that had accumulated throughout the process felt like it was weighing me down. The nurse, my doula, and husband coached me through each push but eventually I started to feel like they just kept saying the same words and yet my body and the baby weren't getting any further. His head and my pelvic bone were feeling like an obstacle I wasn't sure if I could overcome.

I started to watch the clock, remembering that I was told that I could push for 3 hours. Time kept passing and yet I felt like labor was not progressing. The baby was tolerating everything just fine but the voices in my head were questioning if I could complete the job. My doula noticed my eyes on the clock and suggested that we remove the clock out of my sight. I said it was okay to leave it as it was a bit motivating. For a few isolated moments in complete exhaustion, I remember breathing in nitrous oxide over and over and over again. I was having contractions but felt too tired to grab the pillowcase to lift myself up. I needed a break and thought about how if I ended up having a cesarean that I could really have a break then-just have to lay on the table and let the doc do the work! For the first time in my pregnancy a c-section sounded appealing.

Shortly afterwards I came to my senses. I thought I came wayyyyy too far and worked wayyyy too hard to give in now! With a renewed sense of purpose and "get it done" attitude I kept going. After some difficult pushes the nurse started to get excited and said she could feel his head! She asked if I wanted to feel or if I wanted a mirror and I declined both. In hindsight, these probably would have been helpful but I didn't want any distractions at the moment.

I had a few pushes where the nurse had her fingers inside my vagina touching the head and coached me through pushing against her fingers. This seemed helpful. Of course, my husband and doula were amazing cheerleaders the whole time too. My husband continued to lift my back with each contraction. If he weren't assisting me, I do not believe I could have continued to labor in that position. After each contraction he handed me a cup of water and I would quickly drink from the straw. The gas and air were drying out my mouth and throat. My lips felt like a pair of dehydrated camels in the dessert and my dry throat left my voice sounding hoarse and strained.

I felt like I was getting closer and could feel his head inching lower and lower. I then met the ring of fire. The burn was there for sure, but not as intense as I was anticipating. The nurse asked if she could assist me and I consented. She inserted her fingers and helped to stretch me out. Um....yikes, that was miserable!!

Soon after the OB arrived with an intern and an assistant. I remember feeling excited like "okay the team is here, we must be getting close." The OB asked if I was okay with a warm compress to help prevent tearing and I said yes. The warmth felt good as I was still feeling the burn of the ring of fire. At this point I was instructed to go from 3 pushes per set to four pushes. My fourth push was barely a push because, again, I was out of energy! Everyone was encouraging me and cheering me on. I remember closing my eyes and just listening to their voices. The nurse then put her masked mouth right up to my ear and counted down to 10 with each push. I felt like I could hyper-focus on her counting and this was a big help. In the other ear I could hear my doula chanting "one more good push. YES, just like that!"

I looked at the clock again. It had been over 3 hours. I felt that I didn't have much more to give. I laid my head back on the pillow and breathed through some contractions. I needed another quick rest. I was done. Over it. Exhausted. It was frustrating that I had pushed this long and hadn't met my baby. I knew if anyone mentioned going for a caesarian that I was going to lose my cool. But this moment of emotions proved to be just the match I needed to light...I distinctly remember laying on my back taking big puffs of the nitrous oxide and feeling my crotch burn as my son's head stretched it. I was ready to go and tried to toss my mask to the side to get it out of the way but the tubes got tangled and I remember saying "get this f*cking thing out of my way." The room seemed to be on high alert as I had rarely lost my composure. The nurse assisted in quickly moving the mask and tubes. As soon as these were out of the way, I looked up at the ceiling, took a deep breath and exclaimed to the team in a stern and direct tone, "I'M DONE." In the next push my son's head was born. His body was born with the following push. It was 9:07AM on Saturday morning.

These next few moments felt like an out of body experience. I laid back with a huge smile on my face and said "I can't believe I just did that!" The amount of relief was overwhelming. After the relief came a euphoric sensation that was indescribable and like nothing I had ever even come close to feeling before. I looked up at my husband who had tears welling up in his eyes. My baby was placed on my stomach and I held him thinking, again, I can't believe he and I just did that together! My exhaustion was washed away because the adrenaline was next level. It truly was the best moment of my entire life. We had delayed cord clamping and my husband cut the cord.

The entire medical team was singing my praises. The nurse said that I was the most zen patient she has ever seen without pain medication. The accolades were lovely but I was fixating on my baby. At first glance-I thought "oh my goodness he is so cute and HUGE!"

I had accepted a low dose of Pitocin for active management of delivering my placenta. The doctors asked if I wanted assistance delivering it and I said that I would push. I gave one push and it felt like it shot right out with no pain at all. A breeze after trying to pass my kid's head for hours!

The doctor explained that I had a second degree tear and also a small graze that did not need repair. They gave me a numbing shot which was certainly a stinger and went on to give me stitches. I continued to use gas and air for this but it was over in a jiffy.

We enjoyed our golden hour and my doula assisted me with breastfeeding. He latched right away. He was alert and kept looking around and then right back to me. Nobody had told me that your child could give you butterflies in your stomach and I was happy to learn this on my own.

Later we learned his birth specs. A big boy at 9 lbs 2 oz and 21.5 inches long. His APGAR score was 8/9. The nurse said she had never seen a baby with feet as big as his haha! I told my husband I was still in disbelief that I had an over 9 lb baby without an epidural. Nothing could compete with the pride and sense of accomplishment I had nor the love for my son that flowed through me.

We ordered a big breakfast to our room with waffles, bacon, sausage, orange juice, and coffee. I felt like I could probably have eaten an entire buffet of food! We enjoyed some time as a family of three. I had a smooth and quick recovery and it was so nice to be able to walk to the bathroom afterwards. We stayed one additional night in the hospital and then went home the next evening.

My labor and delivery experience was a dream come true. It was hard, but I did it. I felt so empowered and like I could accomplish anything afterwards. I do not think I would have succeeded in going without induction intervention or additional drugs had I not prioritized preparing myself with education and the PBC hypnobirthing class. If I am lucky enough to have another baby, I will definitely plan to utilize my hypnobirthing skills. I believe that these methods are invaluable for every expecting mother regardless of your birth preferences or birth reality. Even a mother with a scheduled c-section could benefit greatly! The mind is a powerful thing, and so are you.