Birth story - Mathangi and baby Kashyap

I‘d like to call my VBAC a Victorious Come BACK.

So my first delivery experience in Germany was rather traumatic physically, emotionally and psychologically, not just for me but for my entire family. And so my search for a natural birthing house/center in India started during the time the idea of having a second baby, and also the delivery in India, was still in conception. Soon enough my husband and I talked took the leap of faith and decided to make the sibling. A few weeks later, as luck would have it, I met with a lady that had been twice for her deliveries to this birth center in Kochi, Kerala, India. After our conversation I felt that this is what I want for the next delivery! A place and team that was well informed and equipped, brave, and compassionate to take as much time out needed for all my questions, doubts and concerns.

So once we had our pregnancy confirmed, I booked an appointment with the midwife and had a conversation that went for almost two hrs (although it was only expected to be an hr)! My midwife could empathize with me and I also felt understood. A woman who at the end of our skype call, told me how strong and bold a woman I was and this was what my soul was looking for.

As we progressed through the pregnancy I felt very confident this time because I didn’t have to deal with Gestational Diabetes which had crippled my spirits and energy during the first pregnancy journey.

However, this time I was just so thankful that I was in my homeland, with Indian food and vegetables, warm weather and all the “Indianness” around me and most importantly to have my parents in close reach to support me! I also felt very empowered after graduating through the digital pack course of Hypnobirthing from the Positive Birth Company(PBC). Honestly this was a game changer in my pregnancy! I am so thankful to Siobhan and her community of women that she has built which shares such bold stories that each of them could be made into a book or a film!

So around week 33, one day after having been swimming with my dad, I went to have my usual afternoon nap with my first daughter and my husband, who happened to be home as he was sick. It was around 3pm when I woke up and noticed that the entire bed was wet!! I was sort of freaked out but not in a panicky way. I immediately informed my husband who was sleeping next to me and my parents. And then we had a quick call with my midwife. She suggested that I get checked by the doc.

The doc advised me to immediately rush to the hospital to meet her. Since I had done the hypnobirthing course, I didn’t let this anxiety from the doc’s side affect me. Because, in one of the positive stories that I had read on the Facebook page of the PBC, this lady had mentioned about having maintained a “bubble of positivity” around her and so that way she was able to ward off the external stress factors and just focus on her job to breath and be conscious! And trust me this “ bubble of positivity” resonated within me so much so that it was our mantra for the rest of the weeks till delivery! So, we met the doctor and had a scan done and were told that the liquor has reduced but the baby is doing good and that I’d have to be injected with steroids and antibiotics, since I was not yet 36+ weeks which meant that if the baby were to be born then it would be a pre-term delivery and in which case the baby’s lungs wouldn’t be mature yet! So now Siobhan’s BRAIN tool came in handy. My husband and I then decided to go ahead with the doctor’s suggestion! This was a very tricky situation for us because in India we found, and find, that the “informed consent” concept is still not in practice to a large extent! When we said no to antibiotics, the doc was almost offended and was wondering if there was something wrong with me!

Anyway, after a long evening of excited nerves we came back home and called it a day. The weeks ahead then saw reduced workouts and no more swimming and instead just with long walks. I focused on drinking a lot on tender coconuts to increase the amniotic liquor. And guess what after a week, we had a scan and the results were better than ever before! :)

By the end of 35 weeks we flew to Kochi and checked in to a service apartment that we had booked for a month. However within a week, I decided to find another better and comfortable place and shift ASAP. This meant more financial expense and of course the burden of shifting the residence all over again! But I stuck with my gut feeling and because again here the Positive Birth Affirmations has empowered me with this sentence “I make decisions that feel right to me!!” And within two days we moved and settled in to the new place.

By now I was in my 37th week and my husband and I continued attending the Lamaze classes from Birth village. I must be honest here. Initially I felt like I wouldn't need these classes since I had done the course from PBC but you know life always has something new for you to learn everyday and Priyanka rightly said at the beginning of the class that we are here to Unlearn, Relearn and not judge.

Around week 38, after the routine weekly check with the midwife, we are told that the baby’s head wasn’t engaged and instead was positioned oblique! And this “oblique “ topic continued to be the case until even maybe just before the whole delivery process kicked in. We were also advised to make a visit to the Sri Narayana Guru Medical College and hospital to consult with the Oby- Gyn who works well with the birth village team. And boy this trip was in retrospect a very funny one. I feel like I had to do this necessary evil to just have it out of the way. The taxi ride to this hospital was quite long and we faced a traffic jam on our way. And as in the Indian style the car driver was talking with someone over the mobile so loud and quite nagging, I turned on my positive birth affirmations from PBC and put my head phones on! This was so needed at that hour! I needed all the positivity and right attitude to get me done with the visit!! While being there at the hospital every second I kept telling myself that I do not want to be here ever again and I also made sure I spoke to the statue of Mr. Narayana and told him “I don’t want to be here! I and my baby have different plans and I know this might be a good place but I really don’t want to be here and so please make sure you don’t bring me here!” And oh, as I waited patiently for my turn, I walked up stairs and kept moving since I had been sitting and idle in the car for a long time!! Donna and her inspirational words of motivation was always there to keep me moving, coz as she says “you’ve gotta MOVE!!”

It was also during this week when we celebrated my first daughter’s birthday at fort Kochi. Walking along the beach, soaking in the sunset colours of the sky, the chilly breeze filled with the monsoon moisture.

So a week before our sons birth, my husband and I go crazy and for some random reason thought that the birth could kick start tonight and got our bags ready and also managed to go to bed early! And this anticipation got built up until a few days later when I almost give up and had a breakdown in the middle of the night. I got extremely emotional and exhausted of the wait and didn’t wish to do the hard work anymore. Eating right, a 1 hr yoga routine very morning on empty stomach after which I would be crazy hungry, attending Donna’s workout classes, trying to be there as much as possible for my first daughter although it was so minimal, staying positive amidst anxious parents and also those moment of self doubts, having sex to ease and or massage the perineal tissues, talk to the baby inside and massage the stomach with dhanvantharam oil, more exercises (inversions, cat cow movements, duck walk, mock clean the floor) at home to make sure the baby didn’t stay oblique and instead revert to the center and also hopefully engage. It was also during this phase when I’d had a short talk with Donna and told her how frustrating it was. But that’s when she told me “that’s how it is, you’ve gotta keep it going”. When I heard her say this I even felt like why is she not empathetic with me...?! But later I realized it was her way to keep it real and yet motivating. Also just a week before my son was born, one of the mamma workout class moms had delivered a baby. She was also trying for a VBAC. And so after the workout class when I enquired about that mom’s birth Donna said “everybody is doing good”! Now I was wondering what did that mean??!? But later, after my birth, I heard from that mon herself that unfortunately she had had a c-section! Now this time I was thanking Donna for being herself. She protected me from not getting any kind of negativity in my headspace!! Had she told me the real story and in a more elaborate way, in hindsight it would have definitely brought down my spirits! So thank you Donna!!

As by now I was exhausted of all the energy and positive spirits... I had seemed to have lost my faith. This is when my intuition again guided me and that’s how I visited the isha shop and got myself a Linga Bhairavi pendant and the copper snake rings! And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that my son has “ashlesha” nakshathram!! It was definitely my Devi’s strength which kept me through this entire journey. She made it happen and in her own special way! :)

There had been so many odds against a natural birth like a high leak that happened around week 33, spinning baby (whose position was oblique most times) and the head not being engaged yet, and not to forget a Caesarean section for the first birth that was two years back!

Days passed by and the anxiety started to mount in my family. There were no more temples left in the city that my parents hadn’t been to, with my first daughter, and finally my parents decided to go to Kadampuzha Bagawathy temple that is 5 1/2 hrs away from where we stayed. I had a very strong feeling that the birth might happen when they are off to the temple and so it did also. Although I spoke to them at the early hours of 25th morning, I didn’t have the heart to stop them from setting off on this short pilgrimage! I just didn’t feel like saying NO. When someone set out on visiting a sacred place, who would say no? At least I didn’t want to.

The entire month during our stay in Kochi, Peter and I tried so hard to develop a routine of going to bed early so that we would have time for each other to cuddle and have sex and get the whole oxytocin levels higher. However, this week we were not able to achieve this once. Finally, as it got to my due date and as I got a little bit more impatient and anxious about the birth, I decided to do just throw myself completely into making this mission a possibility and do everything that still lay under my control, which meant more exercise and more workout, more indefinite number or days of stay in a homestay paying a lot of money, more days away from home, more days of travel through the congested streets of Kochi, more days of disturbed focus, more days of not being able to spend and play with my first daughter who needed attention, and practically nothing more left in me!! Be it lulu mall visits or street scape walks or even the promenade or beach walks were all extended, walks with high kicks, squats and rotating hips. I’m sure I had a lot of heads turn around and be looked at!! :)

And so, on the eve of the birth, my husband and I went for a 50 min walk even though I had been for the mama workout classes, and as we retired for the day I felt quite tired and felt this funny upper back pain. I told my parents to just check on me the next morning before they leave on their pilgrimage. But deep inside me there was a gut feeling that said that the birth could happen today. I remember Priyanka had told us about this tiredness or weakness one feels when the birth is imminent. And today I had that feeling.

The next morning I woke up and I found my dad busy packing up and we had a quick chat and decided to stick with their plan of going on a the pilgrimage.

And then around 6:30 I felt the first contraction while my husband and I were cuddled up with each other under the blanket after having one of the most sensuous sex. (I knew in the back of my mind that this baby was going to come out just the way he went in! And only when we parents were happy to receive him) I decided to give it some more time to develop and really see how it progressed as I didn’t want to give it more importance than required and leave me with false hopes.

Then we went about the usual morning errands and right after I was done with my yoga routine (which I didn’t want to miss because I knew I’d be able to perform better if it really was the day of the birth, and I also wouldn’t be able to do any physical activities for a long time after the birth), I felt another surge and it felt quite intense. And as the universe started to unfold it’s plans I knew at some point that the birth was happening that day. I immediately went and whispered into my husband’s ears and said “I think something is going to happen today!“ :) and then we shared a smile at each other. As I was excited and felt this butterfly feeling in my whole body, like the feeling you have before an exam or a running race, I knew I had to bring out my maternal, feminine energy and strength coz this was going to be a marathon I have always wanted to finish and finish it with a sense of redemption! This was going to be the last time in my life I would be birthing and this better be the most memorable day in my life, and all of this euphoria was in my hands! 9 months of preparations in terms of physical endurance and psychological stability was going to be tested today!

Soon, I had some breakfast and noticed the contractions getting stronger and more frequent. Meanwhile, my parents were informed and were asked to come back from their temple trip ASAP.

As I worked through the contractions the entire afternoon with the help of some of the comfort measures that we had learnt from the class that Reba had conducted, time just flew so fast. I remember using a hot water bag for the initial stages where the contractions were just strong but not so frequent. And then I remember Peter made some hot water in a large vessel on the stove because as my luck would have it, the solar water heating geyser was empty!! But conventional style always works you see!! Peter then put a stool in the bathroom so I could lean down on to it while still holding the quadruped position. He then slowly put the warm water on my lower back and this helped me so much to calm down and yet work through the pressure that I had on my lower back. I also had him lean against a wall so I could lean against him while he was applying pressure on my lower back, so this counter pressure also helped me navigate through the transition to the second stage of Labour. He was being the best birthing partner and was so courageous and strong just doing whatever was needed and supporting me through the whole upstage!! Thanks to PBC that guided us couples in the right direction and to have the right mind set and tools to be prepared with!! Love you!

During this stage I also ended up ‘pottying’ on the floor and I remember my daughter Kamya exclaiming “Amma did potty” to Peter. He, of course, then cleaned it and he was so overloaded with the task of taking care of himself (had not had anything to eat since morning! To our bad luck, this was the day when dosa batter was out, there was no bread, no left overs from the previous day, no ready food!!), take care of Kamya and also be there to support me!!

I soon felt some thick mucousy bag pushed out slightly and hang out of my vagina! I didn’t know what it was, but I felt like yanking it out. By this time Peter had already informed Priyanka and Donna and lil did I know it was time to get into the car since it was going to be the rock and roll time of my life!! Donna advised Peter that I simply put on a panty and come to the birth centre soon. At last my parents did arrive just right on time. Very vividly I remember that I was suddenly so awake and knew that I had to get through this last hurdle of transitioning to the unit and get this travel out of the way. I didn’t have the patience anymore to wait at home. Peter was trying to gather some of those things that belonged to the last minute items that needed to get into the birthing bag. In fact I didn’t even feel the need to wear a skirt or something to cover my waist and legs. My mother quickly wrapped a dupatta and I left home bare feet walking downstairs to get into the car.

The next thing I remember working through a few contractions during the car ride. We reached the birth centre and I felt a sigh of relief within me. When we walked into the house, Annie was already waiting downstairs to receive me. She held my hands and while we were climbing upstairs we paused for a quick moment while she bent down and checked me. And soon I was ushered into the dimly lit birthing room with the birthing pool. I felt very comforted to see the pool and was happy that things had been taken care of in the most homely and professional way!

Now I was pushing out actively and it was this characteristic mooing voice from deep down your belly. I was also being fed some chocolates and given water to sip through a straw. Annie sister took my hand and made me feel the head of the baby crowning but due to the adrenaline rush in me I was more interested in knowing what specifically it was that I was feeling at my finger tips and so asked “what is this”?? 😬 Priyanka then guided me to focus and divert the force downwards rather than screaming through my throat. During this phase of pushing out, I was thinking, hoping and praying “please I don’t want to go to a hospital!!” Not knowing how much I had already progressed and advanced. While Annie kept monitoring the fetal heart beat every now and then and soon I saw myself feeling this pressure at the vagina. I knew that the head was right there but I felt this tense stretch and pull at the tissue and sensed that it would tear and I did (2nd degree). But the baby’s head was out and Priyanka’s gloved hands were right there to grasp the baby. One last time I shouted and pushed my son out and I soon had him in my hands!! Priyanka caught him and gave him to me as soon as he was out. I was talking to my baby and there I was already telling him not to cry but yet acknowledging the fact that that’s what babies do when they are born! It was a sense of surreal blessing in my hands and I didn’t know what to say and feel even. It all happened so quick and I repeatedly kept saying “I can’t believe it”. It was done and I had my son in my arms. Peter held him while I was transferred to the bed and soon Kashyap and I were enjoying the Golden hour of the birth. Skin to skin bonding, delayed/ deferred cord clamping and all of the lovely stuff that one doesn’t get to experience in a hospital was happening and I was on cloud infinite!! :) nothing else mattered to me now other than our oxytocin rush. This was one of the most proud moments for me and will always be passionately coveted. This moment was so heavenly, even Peter couldn’t wait any longer to do skin to skin bonding with Kashyap!

As we lay cuddling with each other on the bed, Donna came up to me and gave me a glass of warm hot chocolate. And she appreciated my hard work I had put into pushing my son out. I was kinda proud yet felt little in front of the nine births she has undergone!! 😳

After a few hrs my parents and my first daughter came over to the unit to see the baby and meet him for their first time. My daughter rose to the occasion of becoming an elder sister. Kamya showed such sensitivity, care and love by caressing him and welcoming him into our lil family in her own sweet way. However, I could see her lil face observant and full of wonder.

It was a long painful night. Early in the morning Rema Chechi came to give me a bath and then I was given a plate full of soft white Idlis with some non spicy tangy tomato chutney, both tasted heavenly. I finished them all at once and I was still not being able to digest the fact that the birth was over! It all went so fast and there he was, my lil son lying on the bed so innocent, tiny and tired.

The rest of the recovery period, even though painful and exhausting, just as it is for every mom on this planet, gave me a deeper perspective of motherhood, family, birth and life!

Thank you Birth Centre and PBC!!

You are one of the best things that has happened to me in my life! Love 💕 and 🙏🏼🙌🏽