Birth story - Maria and baby Alexander

*Trigger warning* - Contractions (not negative for me), overdue, induction, occiput posterior presentation (face up), high blood loss, second degree tear.

I have needed a bit of time to find the words to describe my birthing experience, as it did not go exactly as planned and even though it was a beautiful and positive experience, despite the complications, I struggled a bit with certain elements of the process. In the end, I felt empowered in my decisions through my prep with PBC and I am so happy that I had some tools to work with along the way! I do not think my experience would have been as positive without the information I received through the course and having read all your beautiful and powerful stories, so thanks for that.

The time before the birth was also surprisingly difficult, given that my boy was born eleven days after the due date. Even though I knew not to care about the estimated due date, I could not help but be emotionally attached to the date given how much it had been mentioned. Next time around I will definitely not even share it with anybody! I spent my time doing the course, listening to the positive affirmations, reading and watching positive birth stories, jumping on the ball, going for long walks as well as drinking raspberry leaf tea and eating dates all day long! I tried to get my oxytocin flowing by watching romantic and feel-good movies, and spending time with my man. I really tried everything in the book, but nothing seemed to work - he was just too comfy in there. After a week of getting calls and messages from my friends and family asking if he was born yet, I had to turn off my phone for large parts of the day and had to struggle not to wake up every morning crying. After ten days overdue, I went to the hospital, since it's standard procedure in Germany. They recommended an induction, and after using my BRAIN and talking it through with my boyfriend, we decided to go for it. It felt like the right thing to do for me at that time, even though I was hoping things would kick off on their own.

I went to the hospital at 3 pm, and my boyfriend stayed with me while I got the first dosage of the hormone (in pill form, no drip). They were very careful of dosing it right, and I got it paced out over several hours to see what the effects were (I started with one pill, and then progressed to two more an hour later, before the two last pills three hours after that). They warned me that it could take one or even two days for the contractions to begin and sent me up to a room to wait it out. My boyfriend had to leave, as visitation time was ending at 9 pm. Roughly two hours later was when I got my first contractions, after walking up and down the corridor and listening to the affirmations on the FREYA app. I was eager to get things started and very excited to meet my baby! The worst part of the whole experience was that I had to be alone dealing with the contractions for the first three hours, due to Covid regulations, so my partner arrived when I was 4 cm dilated and in active labor.

The first three hours of contractions were horrendous, and I assume it was because of the induction. The contractions were getting stronger very fast, but I was not dilating. I had two combs with me, and was gripping them with both hands, breathing through them with the help of the FREYA app. In between the contractions, I would take a whiff of lavender essential oil to relax me. Suddenly they started coming on every 2-3 minutes and I asked them to check my dilation but was only 1 cm. which was extremely disappointing. I continued to breathe through my contractions and listen to the affirmations, and then, to everybody's surprise, I was 4 cm dilated roughly one hour later! I was very happy to be able to call my boyfriend and tell him to come, and he was there ten minutes later. Having somebody around was obviously a HUGE relief!

Unfortunately, I could not have the water birth I had been dreaming of, since the pool was occupied. This was disappointing, but I was prepared that it could happen, so I did not take it so hard. I wished to have as little medication as possible and had only taken one dose of paracetamol up until then. The contractions were getting more intense, and they felt like they were coming every 2 minutes or so, but I was in a much better place, since I had the support of my partner. The midwife was amazing and took care that all my wishes were met, so I felt very safe. The lights were dimmed, I had the FREYA app running in the background and my coconut water and snacks around. I asked for gas and air, and that felt very good. After a while I decided to get in a warm bath which felt AMAZING, and I can absolutely recommend it. This was my favorite part of the birth, as I had lovely aroma therapy oil in the water, my affirmations on in the background and my partner by my side. We were kissing and laughing in between the contractions. Suddenly they got too intense, and I had to get out.

I returned to the bed and from then on, the contractions went up to a whole new level. The gas and air didn't do much anymore and they were coming every 1-2 minutes! I could neither stay still nor find any movement that felt good. I was just twitching in agony and at that point, I was reaching an orange/red level and stopped paying attention to my breathing. They checked my dilation, and I was already 7-8 cm dilated.

This is when they told me that there was a problem with his birth position. He was head down but was facing profile. It did not look like he was turning, and since I already was so progressed, they said we would have to try to turn him "manually". I was ready to do anything to avoid forceps or a c-section, so I listened to what they recommended and tried to stay calm. They told me that this would take a while, and that the reason my contractions were so painful was that his head was hitting my pubic bone. They asked me if I wanted an epidural and said that they would medically recommend it in such situations. Again, using our BRAIN, we felt it was the right thing to do, given the complications and I felt good about having made it for so long without. I was given a low dose, which I was very happy about, as I could feel the contractions, but the pain was much more manageable.

I had to lay still on my side for roughly an hour to make his head turn, and luckily that worked! My waters broke at 9 cm dilated, as I was standing on all fours. I was very pleased that I did not lose the feeling in my legs and could move my body (even though my left leg felt a bit heavy). After that I started to push, and that felt exciting but also tiring. I even dozed off a little in between the pushes. The crowning of the head was the most intense part. The most surprising sensation was the feeling of having to push into my rectum. I honestly thought the baby would come out of my asshole. I asked the midwife about it and we all laughed. At some point during the last, most intense pushes, I felt so nauseous and puked all over my boyfriend. His head was born during the next contraction, and on the one after his whole body slipped out. I was ecstatic to have him in my arms, and we both cried as I got immediate skin to skin.

They stitched me up after I had pushed out my placenta, since I had gotten a second-degree tear, but I did not have a care in the world and was just gazing at my beautiful baby. At some point during that time, I was also bleeding a lot and had reportedly lost 1,3 liters of blood. I didn't care. I felt amazing. We stayed in the hospital for two more nights, and I was falling in love with my baby more and more with every hour.