Birth story - Kriszti and baby Emma

After almost two months I finally get around to write down my thoughts about my very positive, but slightly shocking birth. Shocking, as everything progressed so very fast 😃

My previous labour was excruciating, it took 2,5 days, it was all back labour, during COVID, so the hospital was very reluctant in calling me in, even when I was clearly exhausted and needing help after two nights of not sleeping… As contractions never sped up, that delivery ended up being an assisted one, with epidural, syntocinon, and a veeeery long first and second stage, where I felt I had no control over what was happening at all.

Due to this, and because we didn’t have anyone to leave our three year old with, we decided to have a home birth this time. It was my last pregnancy (not wanting a third child), and I wanted to have a natural experience. I have to say, my home birth team was great straight from the beginning, and even though the first birth was classified as Shoulder dystocia, they supported me in having chosen home birth (after informing me of the risks of course).

My pregnancy was fully uncomplicated, apart from the slight shock of baby being transverse at 34 weeks. I did do the spinning babies exercises for two days, and at the next scan baby was head down(!) Whether my exercises helped, I don’t know, but they didn’t harm 😃

Labour:

Wednesday morning I woke up with slight period like cramps (that was 39w+4) and I thought “that’s it”. It nicely progressed all day, until I had to concentrate a bit to breathe through them, but then – paff – twinges just stopped as I went for a bath and the next morning – nothing. I was VERY disappointed, as I made a date with baby for Thursday. It would have been ideal as my first one is at nursery on Thursdays, so I could have had the baby without the stress of her being there. Baby had different ideas though! The nothing continued through Friday and Saturday, so even though Sunday morning the twinges started again, I didn’t think anything of it, especially since they were really light and far between. So I went around my day as usual: I dropped off my older one for swimming, popped in to Tesco for some shopping and cooked lunch, all throughout having regular, but very mild cramps, just like a light period pain.

We just finished eating, when I felt like I needed to lie down in the bedroom, where it was nice and dark, and I started timing the “contractions”. I reluctantly use this word as they were so mild, I barely needed to use my up breathing to get through them. I only managed to time half an hour, when I started to feel like I didn’t want to be alone, I was getting anxious. That’s when I started messaging our doula and the midwife (In retrospect this was exactly half an hour late!).

My partner in the meantime frantically tried to get the pool ready, fitting the liner in. I just managed to get the TENS machine on my back and drag myself to the study (birthing room) and I collapsed on the pre-prepped mats on all fours. Then I moaned to my partner to stop messing with the pool, because it starts to hurt (it did, it changed crazy quick from light period pain to OMG what’s happening to my tummy?!) The next bit I’m not the proudest of… The twinges turned to something which took over my body completely and I was screaming as if I was being murdered, I completely got out of control… As I progressed so quickly, I didn’t realise I entered the pushing phase and I resisted it – at least I didn’t help. So there were almighty pushing down contractions which I didn’t know what to do with… So I screamed… At one moment I held my partner’s hand and bit his wrist…I’m proud to say though I didn’t leave any marks! I was controlled in my insanity 😃 My partner was a hero, as I kept telling him not to leave me alone, but also to check on our daughter, who was in the living room, so he kept bouncing from here to there…. Meanwhile our daughter popped in to ask: where is it sore, mummy, and to tell me it was going to be ok. She was totally unphased by the events or by mummy screaming 😃 An advise for second time parents: your child probably will be more ok than you are, they are really amazing when it comes down to home birth.

In the meantime the surges continued and suddenly I felt a big gush, I barely could yell “waters” to my partner as of course under the mats it was only….carpets… all waterproofing was nicely packed up on the shelf, never had time to get it out 😊 Neither did have time for the fairy lights, the snacks, the music… Everything was chaos…

Right after my waters went I dragged myself to the bathroom to remove my soaked panties and I saw that the waters were brown, so I asked my partner to call the midwife to let her know and ask her to hurry. Right after that I asked two questions in succession: Why did we want a second baby? And Can I get painkillers? (clearly not even transitioning, but transitioned! Does anyone ever miss the question of “why did I do this” during labour?!) The midwife said she was a couple minutes away and due to the waters being brown, we would need a hospital transfer - So my partner called an ambulance to speed things up. While he was on the phone the midwife arrived and told me three things: 1, no, she can’t give me painkillers (I kind of knew that) and the ambulance can’t either; 2, baby is coming so I need to push; and 3, yes, I can! 😃 I have to mention, my midwife had a debilitating migraine and she still was there, authoritative, but kind and supporting and without her this might have been a very different story. Thank you, Lorraine!

That’s when the paramedics arrived, two super nice people, they held my hand throughout the 16 minutes of pushing. And once I started pushing – all panic disappeared, it was actually really easy, I barely felt the head pass through. No ring of fire or pain, so when the midwife said: head is out, my reaction was: really?! Couldn’t believe it was so easy. Once the head was out, the timing game began due to the previous shoulder dystocia and the midwife did need to insert her hand to my vagina to help baby’s shoulders out, but I barely even felt that (I did, but it was not painful, just strange. And all this had a purpose, (get it over with 😃), so it was fine). And after 16 minutes of pushing, baby was out, she was laid just beside me (I was on all fours) – it was incredible, I couldn’t believe she was out with such little pain and effort. She did need some encouragement to breathe and needed warmed up (maybe she got shocked by my earlier screaming 😃), so I got the injection to speed up the delivery of the placenta, which came out relatively easily. I have to say, that was more painful, than delivering baby! Then it was snuggle time to warm baby up!

Due to the meconium in the waters we did need to transfer to hospital, where they also stitched my second degree tear (that’s the only time when I used the gas and air) and observed Emma overnight. Lucky for me, the doula, who missed the birth completely just arrived on time to come with me to the hospital, so my partner stayed with my firstborn. After a very peaceful night we were cleared to go home and enjoy our extended family!

For a while I had mixed feelings about this birth as it was so fast, I barely could process it, and I felt ashamed that I lost my head and screamed so much. Also… no birth pool… no relaxed chat with the doula, no guidance with the contractions…the fairy tale birth never happened…

BUT! I did deliver this baby almost all by myself in my favourite white dress (unplanned, that dress is ruined). After delivering a baby I managed to get changed for the hospital by myself and walked down two flights of stairs without help. I felt amazing after birth, I could snuggle with my three year old before leaving with the ambulance, could smile and joke and feel myself, and all in all, I was present throughout. I felt all of it, the joy, the fright, the pain and the satisfaction and marvel of what I can do with the right help. And for the pool… and it was my partner’s idea: Once home from the hospital I had a bath in the birth pool with my daughters, and once just by myself, with the birthing music on, fairy lights, all things I wanted to use, but didn’t have the chance to. That was extremely healing.

Did I want this fast delivery? No, but I lived it, all moments of it, consciously. I was still me, I still thought of my family, while being totally panicked, and when the time came…I helped this baby be born the best way I knew how. I am proud of myself, and so is my partner… And my three year old summed it up perfectly: but…mummy….sometimes, when Emma comes out of your tummy…you feel a bit weird… Never better words to describe this birth!

Mummies, you got this! Thank you, PBC, amidst all the panic, in the back of my mind I did have breathing techniques and birth stages memorised and they did help! What a great birth, and a story to tell 😊