Birth story - Kirsty and baby Freya

Birth doesn't have to be scary...

My perception of birth had been long built on negative and traumatic stories from the media and other mums, including my own. I'd grown up hearing how my mum had two very difficult pregnancies with me and my sister and then went on to have very long difficult hospital labours. I later had the privilege of being my sister's birth partner and to confirm the 'family tradition', her labour was also difficult and drawn out (3 days!) and required medical intervention. My personal experiences seemed to reaffirm the scary stories I'd been surrounded by about childbirth.

As you can imagine, I'd formed quite a bit of anxiety around childbirth and when my partner and I decided to have a baby, I banned him and anyone else from talking about the labour bit as I was terrified of it.

A friend then recommended some Hypnobirthing books which I devoured eagerly. They inspired a whole new perspective on birth and by the end of reading them, I'd switched from terrified to actually really looking forward to birth and believing I could do this - that I could take charge of how my birth would go.

I felt I needed more tools to be able to achieve my own version of the positive birth stories I'd been reading and that's when a friend recommended The Positive Birth Company's online hypnobirthing course. (Thank you so much Kate!) We chose not to do any antenatal classes and worked through the online course instead. This gave us everything we needed.

After learning about the science of birth, about the wonderful powers of oxytocin and how being in a suboptimal environment or mental state can affect labour, we soon decided that a home birth was right for us. We had all the naysayers; the 'you're brave' comments; the worried looks from people wanting to know what would happen if (implication - 'when') things went wrong etc. But we stuck to our preferences and asked family / friends not to share any concerns / negative experiences with us as we had made our minds up and it was really important not to offset all the positive affirmations and birth stories I'd been making a part of my daily routine.

Braxton hicks

On the day before my due date, we had a midwife appointment. I'd been getting quite strong Braxton Hicks for a week or so and was intrigued to see how things were progressing so accepted a stretch and sweep. I wasn't fixated on a due date and saw it as a due period, so didn't feel disappointed when the midwife told me she wasn't able to do the stretch and sweep as my cervix was soft but not open. She told me she wouldn't be surprised if I'd still not had baby by our next appointment in a week's time. That was ok by us. More time to enjoy carrying her 🙂

So Robin (my partner) and I settled into our weekend, feeling relaxed that we were a way off. We had a date night planned that evening (Saturday) and made dinner plans with family for the Sunday (which was our due date). Following the attempted stretch & sweep the Braxton Hicks had ramped up a bit that day but nothing regular or that seemed 'real'. Mainly period-type aches and tightening (those aptly named sharp pelvic floor daggers).

Sunday, our due day, came and went. I spent a lot of time on my birth ball as it was the most comfortable position for me and I was conscious that baby had been back to back at some of my check ups (I believe from working at a desk all day until the week before our due date) so I was keen to be UFO (upright, forward and open) as much as possible on the last leg. We did all the usual recommended natural induction type activities, (out walking lots, clary sage oil in the diffuser; raspberry leaf tea etc.) but all in good spirits and whole heartedly trusting in baby coming when baby was ready, which became one of my mantras in those last weeks. I can honestly say I never felt like 'I want this baby out now' as you hear some people say.

The day things started to happen...

On Monday morning (40+1) I was awoken with period like aching in my lower tummy and back. I'd had this on and off over the last few weeks so really thought nothing of it, but it was too uncomfortable to sleep through so I got up at 3am and went downstairs to put the TV on so as not to disturb Robin. Early rising had become quite commonplace anyway in my last trimester.

Robin went off to work and I spent time bouncing on my ball watching feel good tv, I then put on some 80's music and danced around the living room. The aching had subsided and I felt really good and energetic. I treated myself to a big breakfast and did a little cleaning (which I'd compulsively been doing all week!)

Then at 10.30am, my surges started. They were a totally different sensation for me than the achy Braxton Hicks. And they were regular right from the off which I'd not expected, coming every two minutes and lasting a minute each time. They were totally bearable and I turned my music up and danced through them. I still had it in my mind that we were a week away following the midwife appointment, so was in a bit of denial that this was it and held off calling Robin.

I used an app to continue timing the surges. The app was already shouting at me to go to hospital with the regularity being as it were, which I found quite amusing as I knew that even if this were the real deal, I would still likely have a way yet to go.

After an hour of my surges continuing in this regular pattern of every two minutes for one minute duration, I accepted that this was actually it(!!!!) and called Robin at 11.30am suggesting he might come home at lunch time but that there was no rush. He agreed to call into the supermarket on the way home to pick up the refreshments I'd asked for. It was a very calm conversation, but Robin shared afterwards that he was in no doubt that this was it as he said I sounded different.

By the time Robin had arrived at around 1.30pm my surges had become quite powerful and there was no question now that this was happening. I was still able to breathe through the surges that built up like waves in intensity before ebbing away again, followed by that pause of relief.

I must admit, the two minutes in between surges seemed to go so quickly it felt like the surges were almost back to back, but still totally manageable. I took a position on my knees leaning over the sofa as this was best for me and I wanted to be UFO. Robin took out the Tens machine, put it on my back and called the midwife. The Tens machine was so so helpful! That boost button got me through about a third of my labour!

The midwife arrived 45 mins later. By this point I couldn't talk during surges and I'd started to be quite sick. I wasn’t sure if my waters had gone yet as I'd had no gush but some possible leaking. I accepted to be examined (the only time that I did so, as I was keen not to focus on dilation as an indicator of progress - or lack of). I was 2cm which I dismissed to myself as just information and not a timeline. I breathed through surges for another couple of hours in the same UFO position and at one point the rest of my waters burst more dramatically this time all over the cushion I was knelt on. No meconium... thank goodness. Our water birth was still on!

Robin began to set up the pool around this time, in our living room where I was labouring. It took a couple of hours I'm told, but by then I was so in the zone, my concept of time was all distorted. He also put on my relaxing playlist and set up the LED lights around the room. It had gotten dark at some stage which, for me, was the only indicator of the passage of time.

8 hours in...

The pool was absolutely divine. I was reluctant to take off the Tens machine but the pool was even better for relief. My surges eased a little in frequency then. They were still regular and building in intensity but didn't feel as back to back as they had been on dry land. Robin reminded me of my positive affirmations (I bought the positive affirmations cards from the PBC and Robin hung these for me with fairy light pegs illuminating them above the pool). He kept telling me how proud he was of me, whilst holding a cold wet flannel to my head and giving me sips of coconut water and energy drinks between surges. I felt so close to him doing this together.

I'd stopped being sick but couldn't eat anything and felt I was ready for gas and air now, but feared it making me nauseous again. After a few trial tugs, I got the hang of it and no sickness (yippee!) so this became another useful form of relief for me.

Transition and a bit of a wobble as things ramped up...

At some stage I felt myself transition. I needed more reassurance and reminders that I could do this; that I was already doing this. I had a little bit of wobble and was feeling quite scared. I asked the Midwives and Robin to 'help me' and told them a few times that 'I couldn't do it' (I could of course but I needed some reminding). My surges were taking a turn too at this point. Part of the surge would feel like opening and the last bit seemed to then turn into a powerful involuntary push down which lifted my knees and legs right off the floor of the pool in such a primal and involuntary way! My body was doing this all on its own.

Around then the Midwives changed shifts. They all really respected my birth preferences and didn't offer examinations. They pretty much left me and Robin to birth on our own throughout, just dipping in to check baby's heart rate (which they could do from in the pool), my temperature and the temperature of the pool. At one point the pool had cooled down and the Midwives and my partner were scooping buckets of water from the pool to then refill it with hot water. I was so in the zone I didn't really notice this!

Several hours went by in the pool in this kind of half opening /half pushing surge pattern. I didn't feel I'd gone fully into the down mode so it was a bit confusing. I kept asking the midwife if I was pushing yet as there wasn't a pushing feeling in every surge I had or at least not in the way I'd expected. It was then that my breathing went off a bit as I wasn't sure whether I should be down breathing yet or continue to up breathe. In the end I did a bit of both.

At about midnight on Monday, the Midwives suggested I get out and try to empty my bladder as I'd not done so for a long time and it can get in the way of baby making her way down.

'You don't want to have her on the loo'

I was quite scared to get out of the water as it felt so good, but I made my way as quickly as I could to our downstairs loo just in time for me to have my next surge when I got there and sat down. Robin had the gas and air ready which I didn't think was doing anything at all, but it had become a bit of a crutch and something to help bring my breathing back into a calm rhythm. I managed to go to the toilet and it actually felt quite good to be there in that seated position holding onto the ledge and door each time a pushing surge came. The Midwives were a little concerned I perhaps wasn't progressing and suggested we do an examination to see where we were at, but stressing that it was totally my decision. They could see I was getting tired and I had another mini-wobble at the intensity of these new surges. It took all I had not to believe I might be labouring for days like my mum and sister!

I accepted the offer of an examination and so the Midwives went to set things up on the sofa. I stayed put for several more surges not really wanting to move and it was then that I had a really powerful pushing surge and I felt baby decisively moving down the birth canal. I shouted 'baby's coming!!! Now there was no doubt I was in the down phase! Everyone helped me get back in the pool so we didn't have our little one on the loo. I needed a bit of convincing to move as I felt it was a good position for me, but so grateful my partner convinced me that the water birth was what I really wanted. I declined the examination as I now knew for sure we were getting somewhere.

Birth (the best bit!)

It was an hour from getting back in the pool to baby being born. Shortly after getting back in the pool, the midwife used her mirror and could see baby's head! This was my favourite part of the birth. I was elated that it was really happening now and that my surges were making visible progress! It wouldn't be long now before we met our baby girl. My partner held my hands over the side of the pool and we looked into each others eyes. Everything else disappeared and it felt like it was just him and me running this marathon together. It was tough but we could do it and we were nearly there. It reminds me of that last mile when you're running a marathon - your energy is ebbing but now you know it's so close and you tap into some hidden superpower within which gives you that last boost to get over the line!

Baby's head bobbed in and out so many times just as the Hypnobirthing videos said it would. If I'd not done the course I could have seen this as a negative, as it could have seemed like delayed progress. If I hadn't known better I imagine I might have been frustrated by her bobbing back in and may have been tempted to fight and push like mad to get her out, as you see on TV! But I knew that this would not be the calmest and safest way and that baby gently kneading the perineum coming a little further each time would help prevent tears - help my body do its thing.

Feeling baby slowly move back in, after making her way out some, was such a strange but not unpleasant sensation. I kind of ditched the gas and air at this point as it was interfering with my down breathing. My down breathing became less breathing and more an uncontrollable vocal exercise - I was making sounds like a possessed cow at one point, which my partner and I laughed about after. It felt good to cry out. I was in the zone giving it everything I had.

Baby's head crowned but after a few surges it became obvious I was struggling to get her much further. The midwife suggested I get out of the pool and try a new position - I thought 'not on your nelly, I'm having my water birth!!' I changed positions from my knees to squatting, leaning slightly back in the pool with my knees sticking out to the sides in a frog-like position. After more surges, a little coached pushing, a lot of grit and determination, my partner told me he could see baby's face and that she had opened her eyes in the water! There was the burning sensation they call the 'ring of fire' as her head was born, but it really wasn't painful, just another powerful sensation that brings you closer to meeting your baby. By then you're so pleased baby is coming imminently, everything else is background detail. I knew I was probably just a surge away from her body being delivered and I was totally elated.

During the pause, I reached down and touched her hair. I could feel her turn her head outside of me and her body inside! And then the penultimate surge came and she was here! We'd done it! I lifted her out of the water to my chest and sat in the seat of the pool having precious skin to skin with our beautiful baby, Freya. My partner and I, happy-crying together, and unable to take our eyes off our little girl. She didn't cry. She was so peaceful and so beautiful, looking up at us.

After birth

After 20 mins of cuddling our angel, I started to feel quite sick again and like I might faint. The Midwives checked the pool and were happy that I'd not lost too much blood but suggested we get out of the pool now to deliver the placenta. I accepted the injection to speed this up. I'd started vomiting and shaking (I think with the shock and exhaustion from 15hrs of labouring). Robin cut the cord which had stopped pulsating and it was his turn for skin to skin with our girl. Once the placenta had been delivered I felt instantly better, the sickness subsided and Freya came back to me for her first feed. She latched straight away. I was on cloud 9. Our playlist was still going and the lights were still low. It was one of the most beautiful moments of my life.

We are totally besotted and so grateful to the PBC for helping us prepare so well for our positive birth. Everything went totally as per our preferences and I had no tearing so no need for stitches or hospital transfer. I put this down to trusting my body and not fighting our baby out. We had Freya at 01:19am on Tuesday 29th Jan and were tucked up in bed by 04:30am. We collected my partner's two boys from school later that very day and they got to meet their baby sister who had arrived in our living room earlier that day! We were so proud of ourselves for doing it this way and I'm so grateful to Robin for supporting me so perfectly throughout.

I'm not going to lie, labour is physically and mentally challenging, it is a workout on all fronts, but with the right information, preparation and support, we can totally do this! It is so empowering, experiencing all of the sensations of the amazing gift of birth of your baby. I have so much to thank the PBC for, as well as my partner, who was 'on my side, by my side' every step of the way. The Leeds home midwife team were also amazing. They respected my wishes throughout and have been a great support since, especially with help in breastfeeding.

I hope all of you get your own positive birth story and hope it's been helpful to read ours. I know I lapped up all the birth stories in the last trimester.

I'm pleased to say I've challenged the tradition of difficult births running in our family and hope this will give my daughter a positive experience to refer to if she decides to one day have a family.

I continue to recommend hypnobirthing to everyone as this was such a game changer for us and I don't believe I would have had the positive experience I had without it. I can't recommend the Positive Birth Company enough in the courses they offer on this. Huge shout out to the PBC Founder, Siobhan Miller - keep up the amazing work you do in empowering women to have the births they deserve and desire.

Finally, good luck to the wonderful and amazing mums-to-be reading this.
You're stronger than you might realise.