Birth story - Katya and baby Taemin

Like many others here, I really benefited from reading everyone’s birth stories leading up to my own labor. I wanted to share my story partly because I haven’t seen any stories from the US here and things are a bit different. I had a planned homebirth, which is very rare in NYC partly because of the astronomical cost since insurance usually declines to cover any of it. This community was great because it made homebirth and working with midwives (instead of OBGYNs) seem like totally normal options, as they should be.

In the US using “gas and air” is super uncommon and even homebirth midwives don’t carry it. Also TENS machines for labor are practically unheard of. I knew early on that I wasn’t going to have either of those options at my disposal.

It also took me an embarrassing amount of time to figure out what the heck a “cold flannel” was. It’s a wet washcloth, you guys! That, I did use.

WHY HYPNOBIRTHING

My first birth was in a crowded city hospital where I labored mostly in the hallway while I waited for a triage room to open and then finally a labor and delivery room. Baby was back to back and I ended up with an epidural and episiotomy and a long, difficult recovery. This time I wanted to be in control. A friend recommended this course and I started the videos around 30 weeks.

I watched all the videos myself and took notes on what resonated with me the most. I ended up making a cheat sheet for my husband that we went over together a few times and practiced. (Picture attached!) For Mother’s Day my husband bought me a really nice diffuser and essential oils. He and my toddler decorated our attic space with tea lights a few days before labor. I was so happy that my family was participating in making a safe and calm birth space.

LABOR

On Sunday morning around 4 AM I woke up to mild period pains coming about every 15 to 20 minutes. At one point I went to pee and lost part of my plug. At 7 AM my toddler woke up and the pains totally went away. I texted my midwife and she told me that a common pattern is for labor to pause during the day while the older kid is awake, and then start again in the evening when the kid has gone to bed. That’s exactly what happened. I spent Sunday at the park with my son feeling very big, tired, nauseous, and a little off. I’d read enough stories here to know that I was probably in early labor.

At 8 PM my son went to sleep and about 30 minutes later surges began. How cool is it that our bodies can pause labor so we can take care of our other kids?! My husband and I reviewed our cheat sheet in between surges and then watched an episode of the Great British Bake Off. I used up breathing to get through surges and they came about 15 minutes apart for three hours, slowly getting more intense.

Around midnight I thought things were not progressing quickly so I decided to stop bouncing on the birth ball and lie down to rest a bit. As soon as I lay down I had a serious surge, felt a pop, and knew immediately my water broke. (Side note, I am very curious why in the US we say “water” and in the UK you say “waters”...).

I told my husband to call the midwife and tell her to come since I knew it would take her about an hour to arrive. During that hour surges suddenly became very intense and close together. I had them every two minutes for the hour and each one lasted about a minute and 30 seconds. My husband counted up breathing for me the entire time and held my head up as I was on all fours. I was able to breathe in for 4 counts, but had to moan out the 8 count. Using my voice felt better than simply breathing. I was repeating the affirmation “my surges cannot be more powerful than me” in my head along with “I’ll never have to do this again!” - we’re not planning on more babies and that actually helped me get through active labor!

Around 1 AM I moved to rest my head on the edge of the bed while on hands and knees. I felt very rooted in this position and didn’t move at all when the midwife and her assist showed up. A few minutes after the midwife arrived, my surges changed. They became longer (around 3 minutes long), and had more of a break in between. I knew from the videos that this meant that I was close to pushing, but I wasn’t feeling any urges to push. I asked the midwife: “What stage am I at?” And she said, “You’re at the part where you think you can’t do this” which gave me a lot of confidence because I realized that this was my “wobble” (maybe my favorite British expression from this group!) and I must be close. I remember saying “I want to push. Am I ready?” And my midwife telling me that she could tell by the purple line on my backside that I was fully dilated. (I was never once examined during labor or pregnancy for that matter!). And sure enough, during the next surge I had a mega push which elicited a guttural roar. I said something like: “Something is coming! Poop is coming!” And then a lot of poop did come, but I didn’t care much and I think it was cleaned up super quickly.

The next few surges were far apart and very difficult. Down breathing didn’t work for me, so I just grunted and roared my head off. At one point my toddler woke up and my husband ran downstairs to quiet him. I had another surge while he was gone but no pushing as I think my body wanted to wait for him to be back in the room. After he came back I was pushing again and felt the ring of fire. My midwife asked if I wanted to feel the baby’s head, but I said “No!” as I felt very rooted and stuck in my all fours position.

I felt the baby’s head crown, which was fiery and uncomfortable but not exactly painful. And then he just kind of stayed there another couple surges. My midwife very gently started to coach pushes in between surges while using her fingers to turn his head slightly. Finally his head was out and I remember saying “Oh thank god” and then pushing his body out on the next surge at 2:22 AM. My absolute favorite part was turning around to sit down and feel the relief that it was over and see my baby handed up between my legs.

The baby was a little floppy and blue, and I was bleeding a ton. A lot of things happened at once: I delivered the placenta within a minute of turning around to hold my baby, my midwife gave me a shot of pitocin to stop the bleeding, and she also rubbed and poked my baby’s body to get him to “wake up.” My husband later told me this was a scary moment for him as there was a massive amount of blood and a quiet baby, but I didn’t feel scared at all; I somehow knew I was fine and that the baby just needed a minute to realize he’d been born. Sure enough, moments later the bleeding stopped and my baby cried. I felt very safe and happy.

I was still having some mild surges after delivering the placenta, and my legs were shaking a ton. My midwife said that often when the placenta comes so quickly the body doesn’t know that labor is over so I had to slowly calm down and stop shaking before I could move onto the bed and nurse. My midwife and her assist massaged my legs and fed me tea to calm me and it was pretty magical.

Calming me took about 45 minutes, and we didn’t cut the cord until then. Talk about delayed cord clamping! The baby latched easily and I fed him as the midwife gave us a “tour” of the placenta (which was giant as it had a vanishing twin in it! Total surprise to us). The umbilical cord was also extremely long, about a foot longer than average, and had been wrapped around my baby’s neck twice! This is why my midwife had to turn his head after he crowned, and why he was so floppy when he arrived. It’s also why I had two deep, labial tears, one on each side. I got ten stitches, five each side (used up breathing and visualizations to get through this), and am still in the process of healing. My perineum remained totally intact (which is awesome especially since I had such a hard time recovering from my episiotomy with my first), and my pelvic floor muscles feel almost untouched. 💪💪

I’m very grateful for the digital pack, but even more so for this community! Reading these stories set me up for my own positive birth. I’m so proud to have birthed at home, on my own terms!