Birth story - Hannah and baby Samson

I had come across PBC whilst trying to get pregnant and not long after we found out, we felt a planned homebirth was right for us. However with the country going into lockdown in the lead up to our due date and our local homebirth service being suspended, at around 33 weeks we made the decision to hire an independent midwife to give us the best chance of having the homebirth we wanted. We isolated from the world for over 69 days to ensure we didn’t risk bringing Covid into our home and scupper our chances of a safe birth. Our midwife Donna was very much aligned to the hypnobirthing principles and supportive of me - she agreed that just because I was a FTM didn’t mean we couldn’t have a straightforward homebirth setting.

The night before I went into labour, my partner Colin and I were both in a silly mood and laughed a lot as we had a food shop arrive and went for a walk with the dogs. In fact, the day ended with us laughing in bed at bad dad jokes on an app Colin had downloaded to make me laugh. I’d not slept well for weeks with backache and cramps that came and went and had a feeling that for some reason I needed to sleep well that night. So, I took a paracetamol to take the edge off and let me get some decent sleep. I woke up a couple of times in the evening but generally slept well and felt well rested come the morning.

I woke up 4am feeling a bit out of sorts, I went for a wee and felt a small ‘gush’ when I got back into bed. I went back to the toilet and the gush became bigger. I put a pad on and soaked through two in the space of 30 mins. I knew I should take the early stages slowly but couldn’t sleep with the pressure that had appeared in my lower back, so I called the midwife to let her know, called my mum so that she could make her way over gradually and set about making sure I had a substantial breakfast (good old porridge and Yorkshire tea!)

I pottered around with my mum until 11:30am when surges started being difficult to breathe through, I sat in UFO position on the toilet (facing the cistern) until around 1:30/2pm when the Freya app said that I was in established labour.

During this time my partner and my mum had been setting up the dining room with my chosen music, fairy lights, the room diffuser and the pool. My partner had also called the midwife out as I felt I needed her support and presence too by the point the app was saying I was in established labour.

After telling my partner I was too scared to leave the toilet because I couldn’t face it getting worse (I think looking back this was my transition) I got in the pool just after 2pm feeling like my surges were too intense and needing something to take the edge off! I found the build up to the down stage the hardest mentally, as the period like cramps were really intense and made me feel nauseous, I used my up breathing and rocking back and forth through them but there was a lot of pressure in my back (I later found out why!) I also knew I should be eating but couldn’t manage anything and had to rely on Lucozade for energy for the rest of my labour!

The next few hours are a bit of a blur, as I was exhausted after being awake so early and completely put off food, so energy levels were low. I was clearly in the down stage when I got into the pool as my mum said I had started mooing and she was visibly concerned the midwife hadn’t arrived yet!

I tried to rest between surges and put my all into breathing into each one. My partner said in the down stage it was as though I was in a drug like trance, almost falling asleep when my surges died off, and then my whole body physically riding the wave of a surge when one arrived. I struggled to get comfortable whilst in the pool as there was so much pressure in my lower back - when my midwife arrived she said this was from my baby being back to back for most of my labour. As a result, I ended up spending most of my time on all fours in the pool, and my mum and partner had to refill the pool a few times around me to keep it warm.

At around 7pm I found myself feeling frustrated that my body was pushing hard but not making any visible progress and so I listened to my body and my midwife, and made the move onto all fours outside of the pool to try wiggle my baby around. The midwife thinks he turned around at this point as his head started to appear with my surges, so I got back into the pool but this time into a squat position, using the handles of the pool to steady me. The surges ramped up in intensity and felt like I was having the biggest poo of my life. Each one was intense but actually quite enjoyable to lean into and breath down through, I was completely in the zone going through my favourite affirmations in my head to keep me mentally strong, with my mum and partner telling me how well I was doing after each one too.

My little man had his hand on his chin (I believe this is called a nuchal hand), and his cord was tied around his wrist so he kept getting pulled back inside with each surge. I could feel his head crowning and him stretching down my birth canal with each surge. I was so tired and just wanted to sleep, I definitely found it hard to keep going at this stage as it felt like he was never going to make it out and knew instinctively that something was pulling him back beyond the normal back and forth movements they do before they come out. It was frustrating but I was so close to him being in my arms and used the image of that to keep me going.

I’m lucky that my midwife was understanding of the type of birth we wanted to have, and she (along with my mum and partner) kept me going and motivated as he took a bit of extra time to make his way out. The midwife quickly saw he had his hand in the way and so guided me on how to work with my surges to get his head, elbow and hand out in one surge without doing myself too much damage (no tears, perineum in tact and only a couple of grazes). This was probably the most ‘stingy’ bit as the ‘ring of fire’ stuck around for longer and he was trying to wriggle free which felt really uncomfortable but I knew he was almost here and had a head full of hair!

Unfortunately the gas and air I planned on using came too late in the day with the second midwife so I ended up just relying on my breathing, the water in the pool, my affirmations and mooing with my body which involuntary pushed him out.

Lifting him through my legs and onto my chest was the single most incredible moment of my life, I’ll never forget the feeling! We had delayed cord clamping after it had stopped pulsating, I was keen to get it done as it was quite short and the pool was getting cold. My placenta came out with one push after the cord had been cut so I didn’t need an injection. It just felt like passing a small clot! Once we were out of the pool and wrapped up in a nest on the sofa, me, my partner and our baby Samson enjoyed an hour of skin to skin.

I am astounded that I was able to do it and come away with only a few grazes but it just shows how much the hypnobirthing preparation can make you feel empowered rather than scared! Thank you to PBC for making me realise how much of a superwoman I really am and good luck to anyone who is due to have their beautiful babies- you can do it! 🥰