Birth story - Eesha and baby Mia

*Trigger warning* - gestational diabetes, previous pregnancy loss, failed induction, use of the word contractions (not negative to me)

Grab yourself a cuppa as this is a long one that may not seem positive to some but to me it was and while I was pregnant these were the types of stories that kept me going which is why I want to share my story with the group!

Context:

I was pre-existing type 2 diabetic for 18 years prior to pregnancy (diagnosed very young due to family history) and was already on insulin prior to pregnancy.

In 2019 we fell pregnant without trying but sadly lost the baby at 5+5 weeks. At the time I was on diabetic medication that wasn’t approved for pregnancy and my sugar levels were very high so I was told not fall pregnant again. I took the time to get serious about my health and moved onto medication for diabetes that was safe in pregnancy. In July 2020 we got the all clear to start trying for a baby again and then it took until August 2021 for it to actually happen.

Pregnancy:

My pregnancy was tough and really not positive at all. It took months of trying for us to fall pregnant and after our previous loss I was a wreck. I was immediately put under regular care of a diabetic specialist nurse (appointments every 2 weeks) and at my booking appointment was referred under consultant care. The danger for diabetics are big babies, pregnancy loss throughout the pregnancy and higher risk of stillbirth, all these things played on my mind the whole way through pregnancy.

We had multiple early scans and at our 10 week private scan we had an amazing sonographer who was also a midwife and told me my risk at this point of miscarriage even being high risk was 0.6% and it was time I started to relax and could even tell people about the pregnancy - the term she used was that my baby was “remarkably unremarkable” which was weirdly reassuring for us.

After this I went through CBT therapy for anxiety which I was diagnosed with in 2017 and it really helped my anxiety in general as well as around the pregnancy. I was still very nervous about birth though and the risks of stillbirth in particular.

I didn’t have the easiest of rides in early pregnancy, my consultant referral got lost, I was struggling to get the care I needed from specialists and was spending so much time and energy having to advocate for myself with the NHS, it was draining.

Around 20 weeks I was told about the PBC and I decided to purchase and download the hypnobirthing course as birth was still worrying me. We didn’t study regularly but I found the up breathing technique really useful as well as the information around induction (which I knew was likely) and c-sections. It was also around this time that I was finally given my consultant appointment and growth scans that I knew I should be having so it felt like things were back on track.

At my 28, 32 and 36 week growth scan, baby looked good every time! She was tracking at around 50th percentile for tummy measurement which is the big one they worry about for diabetic babies and for her estimated weight. At week 36 they said her growth had slowed slightly but it was nothing to worry about and the consultant would update me. At every scan and when I was told about her growth I found up breathing to be an amazing technique to help me refocus on the positives not just the worries which helped me to keep going.

At my 36 week consultant appointment he was not worried about her growth in the slightest but we were both starting to worry that my insulin usage was dropping (a possible sign of placenta failure in the long run). I was always told that I shouldn’t go to term and should have baby between 37 and 38 weeks which I always agreed on, at that last appointment we agreed that it should be closer to 37 weeks and not go over 38 weeks. The next steps were that the consultant would file the paperwork. I agreed to try induction as baby was small and being diabetic my risk of slower healing after a c-section was higher. My consultant wouldn’t agree to a sweep because he said that it was highly unlikely my body would be ready at that point and it would be painful for nothing. By using my BRAIN I found myself agreeing with these assessments and so we had our plan for induction. I was very clear though that for me it was never about the birth experience, the most important thing was that she arrived safely and so if there was any sign the induction wasn’t working I wanted to go in for a c-section which my consultant agreed to.

Induction:

I went in to be induced on Wednesday, April 18. Not the most positive experience as the hospital lost my covid test but up breathing and BRAIN helped me make decisions on what to do. We ended up waiting in the hospital a while to be admitted but when we were the induction got started straight away. I had 2 pessaries on Wednesday and started to feel contractions on Wednesday night/Thursday morning. By Thursday evening when the third pessary was going in, I was 1 cm dilated however by Thursday night when they should have put in the 4th pessary there wasn’t enough room on labour ward if I went into a quick active labour and as I was contracting still that was a possibility so they asked to delay until the morning which using BRAIN I agreed to. I went to sleep but by the morning contractions had stopped and I was still only 1 cm.

At this point it’s not feeling very positive is it?!? I remembered my birth plan that I’d written out and had always said if by Friday it wasn’t looking positive then I’d be pushing to have a c-section that day as Friday was 37+6 and they had said I wasn’t allowed over 38 weeks now due to the insulin use dropping. Cue the lovely NHS process (I love the NHS but the bureaucracy fails me) and I was told as it was bank holiday (Good Friday) I may not be able to have a c-section until Tuesday and it would be wise to carry on with the pessaries. I had an amazing midwife called Justine who, when I was losing my mind over this, totally understood - I basically said that “the doctors are the ones who have told me my baby is at risk of being stillborn if I go over 38 weeks and now I’m being asked to wait? Absolutely not!” This was me using my BRAIN - I knew what was best for me and my baby and she was then incredible at advocating for me with the doctors and labour ward. We went ahead with the final pessary and she also got the consultant to come and see me first on her rounds for the day and we agreed that I’d go to labour ward and they’d try to break my waters as I was now 1.5cm and experiencing contractions again after the 4th pessary early that morning. If breaking my waters failed I’d be on the list that day for a c-section (only an emergency would push me later which is understandable).

Labour ward & C-Section:

We met our midwife and she tried to pop my waters three times. She only wanted to try once but I wanted to give it a good go, this was to no avail and we moved straight to arranging the c-section. There was one lady who had been in labour all night who wasn’t progressing who needed to go in front of us and then it would be us. At this time I started to get nervous and anxious but used up breathing and my BRAIN to rationalise it was the best thing for baby and me. We re-watched the PBC video on c sections and spoke through our c-section preferences with our midwife who took note.

I walked into theatre at about 3 pm and used up-breathing to calm myself during the spinal block and when I got nervous about the surgery as I was being draped. The surgery team were amazing and put on a brilliant Spotify playlist for us and we didn’t even realise that they’d started the surgery until someone said baby would be here in 2 minutes - we were focused on singing along to the music At 3:39 pm our baby girl Mia was born and the song that was playing was From this Moment by Shania Twain - I burst into tears when I heard her cry. She was actually pulled out in her waters and they needed to break them with the scalpel as the membrane was so strong so there was no way that the midwife would have been able to do it! They checked baby over and brought her straight to me for some skin to skin - she had a full head of hair and was simply beautiful, I still can’t believe she is ours!

Final thoughts:

I know to some this won’t seem like a positive birth - high risk pregnancy, induction ending in a c-section but for me it really was. I was in control the whole way and through PBC and hypnobirthing I learnt about using my BRAIN which is something I’ve done anyways when it comes to my medical care but I started to notice myself doing it which gave me more confidence and feel better about myself and my pregnancy. Not only that but every decision made was mine - yes it was with medical advice but I took time to listen and research and focus on the bigger picture all of which I don’t think I’d have been able to do without the PBC Hypnobirthing pack.

While I didn’t get to use down breathing for labour, let me tell you it came in handy for the first lavatory visit after a c-section so there is nothing I feel like I didn’t experience.

I’m so thankful we signed up for the course and would definitely use it again if we were lucky enough to have another little miracle.

Keep going Mama’s - you’ve got this.