Birth story - Ags and baby Maia

*Trigger Warning* - Baby needed a little help immediately after birth but all was resolved quickly.

PREGNANCY

As much as I always wanted to one day become a mum, I also really didn’t want to give birth naturally. I was totally petrified of the idea of having to push a baby out and the idea of loosing control was my definition of hell. For that reason and a few more, I was very adamant I would do everything in my power to have a C-section. I had quite an easy pregnancy and I actually really enjoyed being pregnant. No morning sickness, just a little bit of a loss of appetite in the evenings. I had some trouble with PGP for a few weeks, but nothing too major.

As weeks went by, I started to look at birth options, reading articles, birth stories and around the 8th week of pregnancy something in my head changed, I actually started to consider giving birth naturally. Way before I got pregnant, I remember my mum telling me that a lot changes in our mindsets when we’re pregnant, so to just keep an open mind. She was right. The following weeks I focused on the scans, baby names, started planning the nursery, etc and at 16 weeks pregnant I came across the Positive Birth Company course. I watched the free YouTube content and really enjoyed the way Siobhan spoke about birth. I even got my partner to watch a few of the YouTube videos with me and we decided to purchase the full course.

Doing the course together was the best decision we could have made. It got us educated on so many things we never considered. Most importantly I learnt that I have a lot of say in how I want to give birth. This was quite eye opening especially after hearing all the horror birth stories friends like to tell. I didn’t even realise exactly when I went from wanting a C-section to liking the idea of a water birth in a birth centre. Who would have thought!

Unfortunately, covid-19 was an ongoing thing and with weeks passing by the visiting restrictions at birth centres and hospitals were quite strict, meaning Ciarán would have only been able to be by my side from when I got to 4cm dilated. Additionally, visiting hours were restricted to 8am-8pm, so if I gave birth in the middle of the night, he would potentially have to leave after about 2hours. This was everything I did not want. Throughout my pregnancy we discussed my concerns more and more and when I was 34 weeks, Ciarán suggested a home, water birth. At first I thought he was just saying it to see my reaction. I was very surprised, however, the more we chatted about this the clearer it was to both of us that this might be the best chance of us being together throughout the entire labour, as long as everything goes well. We agreed not to get set on anything until I spoke to my midwife at my 36 weeks appointment.

My next appointment went like a dream. My community midwife, Fin, was the most supportive person and I really did not expect her to be so excited about my sudden change of plan. I remember getting home and right away we started looking at birth pool hire options and planning it all. This was the first time I actually felt excited about giving birth.

FULL TERM

When I got to 37 weeks I felt like I was ready. Both physically and mentally. The fear of potentially having to be induced started bothering me a little, but I kept trying my best to push my worries to the back of my head and enjoy the last few weeks with the bump. And I really did. We finished decorating the nursery. I cleaned the house, spotless, probably about 15 times. We even repainted the living room and put the Christmas tree up. We were ready. 9th December we decided to go on a long evening walk with the dogs whilst I still had the energy. I was 39+3 weeks. Any form of exercise was exhausting at this stage, but I really wanted to go on our last walk to see all the Christmas lights before baby arrived. It was a beautiful cold December evening. I was quite tired by the time we got home and for the first time in months I slept like a baby that night. The next morning I woke up around 8am. I was well rested and although we didn’t have any plans for the evening, I decided to curl my hair a little and get my make up done. I don’t usually tend to do my make up when we’re at home and with lockdown and restrictions curling my hair almost felt like a treat. At 39+4 weeks, with plenty of extra kgs and swollen hands and feet, I was just attempting to feel better about myself. And to top that off what a better way to spend the day than planting my butt on the sofa and watching Netflix all day! At least this was the plan.

I managed to stick to my “plan” till 4pm when I went to pee for the hundredth time that day. I had had light period pains on and off for a few weeks by then and that day was no different. The only difference this time was that I actually couldn’t finish to pee, or at least it felt that way. I was finding it quite funny but every time I got off the toilet and started to make my way downstairs to resume watching the last episode of Emily in Paris, I felt like I was still peeing, totally unable to control it. I attempted to make my way downstairs about 7 times and each time my pad was damp but clear. Ciarán was due to finish work at 5pm. We’d been both working from home since March so luckily I didn’t have to call him at work. It was 4:30pm when I shouted him from the bathroom and told him that my waters broke, he went into a little bit of panic thinking we had to go to hospital to get checked to make sure it was my waters but there was no need as by now I was very sure it was my waters indeed. My period pains were also getting a little more intense so I called triage and I was told to keep them updated every 4 hours or so and that with first babies it can be sometimes 2-3 days before active labour begins.

At 6:30pm I got a call from Fe (the midwife on call) who came to see us 30 minutes later and checked baby’s heart rate and and my blood pressure. She confirmed my waters broke and informed me of next steps. She also mentioned it could be a while before labour actually begins, so to just relax. She was lovely and made us both feel so at ease. 30 minutes into her visit she did notice that my surges were becoming stronger as I was holding onto my back and slowing down my speech through them at this stage. When she felt my bump, she said the surges were actually quite strong and I was managing them very well. It was quite surprising yet reassuring to hear her say that. Fe left around 8pm and I was gutted that her shift was over as I would have loved having her with us during my birth. My partner then decided to inflate the pool so it was ready for whenever we needed to start filling it with water. My period pains kept getting stronger and my back was aching by then.

We decided that since we were potentially going to be stuck at home for the next two days or so, we needed more snacks! So off we went to Morrison’s. 🙈😂The drive to the shop was very short as we live only 5 mins away. When we got to the car park I was already tracking my surges on Freya and they were every 3-5 minutes, so we laughed that we had 3 minutes to get everything we needed. It was 9pm and the shop was pretty much empty. I think I went through 3 surges in between shopping for doughnuts, snacks and Ribena juice. I was in great spirits, excited to get back home, watch movies and wait for labour to progress.

By 9:30pm my surges were becoming more painful and more regular so I called triage again and told them things were progressing quite fast and my surges were now every 3 minutes. At 9:50 I got a call from the on call midwife who advised me to call triage back once my surges have been coming every 3 minutes or less for a total of 2 hours as sometimes these like to slow down or completely stop. I tried to watch some tv in our living room, but I couldn’t really focus as the surges were becoming more intense and I was using the time between them to rest and prepare for the next surge. I’m not too sure how long I lasted on the sofa because I couldn’t find a comfortable position, so we moved upstairs and I got in the shower for a bit. The hot water on my back really helped me get through the surges. When I got out of the shower I went to bounce on my ball for a while, the motion helped me to stay focused. I was finding it difficult to stay still, so any movement was good.

At 20 minutes past midnight I called triage again as I have finally reached that magical number of “2 hours of surges every 3 minutes or less. “15 minutes later, at 00:35 I got a call from the midwife who said she’d be with us in 30 minutes. By then I really wanted a midwife to be present. The surges were a lot stronger than when they first started and totally different to what I imagined they would feel like. I was under the impression they would be in my abdomen and back. Instead, I was feeling very intense muscle pains in my upper thighs. Sophie arrived around 1:30am. I was still bouncing on my ball at this stage, with Freya counting my surges and guiding my breathing. My surges kept getting more and more intense. Ciarán kept helping me cope with each surge by pressing on my thighs as hard as he could. It seemed to be the only thing that helped with the intensity of them. I was getting quite exhausted. Sophie suggested I jump in the shower again and I spent another half an hour there whilst Ciarán poured the hot water on my back.

Around 2am Sophie offered to check how far I was. I accepted without hesitation. The discomfort of the surges was really getting to me by then and I wanted to get an idea of how far I’ve come. I was 2-3cm dilated. I wasn’t sure whether that was good or not, but I knew for sure that I was getting closer and closer to meeting our baby. I was getting so exhausted that I was actually sat on the bed taking 2 minute naps on Ciarán’s shoulder between surges, whilst he was kneeling in front of me, still squeezing my thighs during the surges. My surges were a little of a guess game as they kept swapping between my thighs and lower back pain. This definitely kept Ciarán on his toes, switching between massaging one or the other. I definitely couldn’t have managed without him. I remember a couple of times almost breaking down and questioning whether I could do it. I spoke about going to the hospital too, but Ciarán kept me focused and didn’t let me give up on myself. It got to 4am when I must have asked about getting in the pool like 10 times. Sophie didn’t really want me to get in too soon as sometimes that can slow down the surges instead of helping labour progress. Getting in the pool for some relief was all I wanted at this stage. In my head I thought that once they let me get in the pool I would be half way there. This kept me going. Finally, Ciaran went to fill up the birth pool. It only took 45 minutes but for me it felt like an eternity.

At 4:45am the pool was ready for me to get in it so Sophie suggested I went to empty my bladder just before getting in. This is when things got a little weird! I just about managed to pee and got this strange sensation of needing to poo, but couldn’t/ didn’t actually want to do it! And not because Ciarán was present in the bathroom with me, I just physically couldn’t do it although I really felt the urge. I remembered from the PBC course we did that this was one of the signs that labour was progressing. I went downstairs and let Sophie know of this new “development” and she seemed very calm and happy with the progress I was making. At this point I started using gas and air to help me manage the surges better and finally I got in the pool. I really liked our birthing set up. We had the Christmas tree up and the pool was big enough to occupy half of the living room. Ciarán was sat on the corner of the sofa and carried on being my biggest support throughout labour. All these hours later, I still had him pressing the button on Freya to track my surges and although I was really struggling to follow the guided breathing, the counting voice was really keeping me focused whilst I was breathing in the gas and air and let my body do the work.

Just before 5am the second midwife arrived and I don’t remember much of what happened from there until around 8am when my midwifes were due for a shift change which subconsciously even in such a physically and mentally exhausted state and made me a little nervous. To Ciarán’s and my surprise, the midwife to walk through the door was Fe, the lovely lady we met the night before and she couldn’t have looked more excited and happy to be there. Before she even took her coat off she rushed to the side of the pool to check on me, she was so sweet. A few minutes later, around 8:30am the second midwife arrived and even more of a surprise it was my community midwife, Fin. I called them my dream team. The night shift Midwife’s left shortly after 8am. With a new “birth team” I felt a bit refocused. I’m not sure if it was their positive energy or my realisation it was already morning and it was a new day, or both, but somehow I managed to gather all the energy I had left and just pushed. Getting through the “ring of fire” was tough, but then I felt my baby’s head slowly lowering, and a few pushes later Maia’s head came out, followed by the rest of the body on the next surge. I finally got to lift her out of the water and embraced as closely to my chest as possible, looked at Ciarán in disbelief and through all the emotions said: “ I did it”. Maia was born at 9:33am.

You know when people say the day their baby was born was the happiest day of their life? I get it now. The amount of emotions we were going through was insane. Maia opened her beautiful big eyes right away, but didn’t cry.

As per our birth plan, we wanted to delay cutting the umbilical cord, however, as she wasn’t crying it was more important to allow the midwifes to assist her. I held her tightly in my arms whilst Ciarán cut the umbilical cord and then the midwifes asked if it was okay to take Maia quickly in to the kitchen where they had a set up on the table in case of emergency. At the time we were totally fine with it and we sat there in silence looking at each other in disbelief. I could see how proud of me he was. We were just listening out for that cry. After a few seconds I started panicking a little as she still hadn’t made any noise. We knew she was conscious, just not crying. I don’t know how long exactly passed, probably less than a minute in total but we finally heard her first cry. She was okay. The midwifes kept so calm around us and reassured she was okay and just needed help clearing the mucus from her airways. I only found out the day after the stress the midwifes were actually under during that 60 seconds in that kitchen, trying to clear Maia’s airways of mucus and help her breath properly.

She was back in the room with us right away and I asked for her to have some skin to skin time with her dad whilst I birthed the placenta in the pool. This took exactly an hour, after which I joined Ciarán on the sofa and finally had skin to skin with my baby. She tried to latch on right away. It took her quite a few attempts but she did it. After a couple hours of skin to skin, I showered with Ciarán’s help whilst the midwifes minded Maia for us.

Then it was time for the dreaded “check”. I was really dreading this, as there was potentially still reason why we had to go to hospital, and I really didn’t want that to happen. I was quite badly bruised and had 2 grazes which needed 4 stitches in total. No actual tearing. No hospital. Oh god, what relief that was!

Our baby girl was here, curled up on my chest and Ciarán right by my side holding my hand, and we did all of this without leaving our home, without him leaving my side. Dreams do come true, I thought.

Around 1:30pm the midwifes left and we didn’t even realise that they cleaned the whole mess, all whilst the three of us were left to cuddle on the sofa by the Christmas tree.

Doing the PBC course completely changed my perception of giving birth. I don’t think I would have had such a positive experience if it wasn’t for all the knowledge and confidence I have gained by completing it the course and learning to trust my body. Having a home birth enabled me to have Ciarán by my side, holding my hand every second of it and that was all I’ve ever wanted. My midwifes were amazing mental and physical support and made sure our little girl arrived safely which I am forever grateful for. I also couldn’t thank Ciarán enough for being my rock through the whole pregnancy and even more amazing during the toughest moments of labour. Now let’s go and be parents. ❤️