How To Be The Best Birth Partner
Below our Midwife Christie has compiled a list of hints, tips and ideas that might be useful to bear in mind as a Birth Partner. However the most important thing is to be led by the birthing person, aim to fulfil their needs, be their advocate if needed and aim to support them mentally and physically through birth.
There isn’t one way to be the best birth partner, the needs of the birthing person will vary so much between individuals, relationships and situations – it’s tricky in one way to generalise the care required in this role. It is also a job with many elements to it. It’s a big responsibility and an honour to be a birthing partner, so please don’t take the job on lightly. As with most things in life the harder you prepare and work the bigger the reward (and I don’t mean a bigger baby!). I mean feeling empowered, involved and like you make a difference will be something in life you never forget, so it’s worth the effort, I promise.
It’s important that your Birth Partner understands your wants, needs and desires for birth and that they have a full understanding of your birth plan. So, let’s get into the tips (they’re broken down into 4 main categories):
1. Knowledge
Knowledge is power. This is no different for birth – the more you know the better! So, start reading, learning and asking questions about anything and everything you can. (For birth I’d recommend knowing the physical process, having an idea about pain relief options and potential interventions, along with understanding some breathing and calming techniques for labour- The Positive Birth Company Hypnobirthing Pack details all of this).
Attend antenatal classes together where possible so you are both leaning and gaining an understanding of the process.
Know how things work! This is so important as this is one of your main jobs throughout the process.
Know how the tens machine works and where the sticky pads go
Know how to inflate and set up the birth pool (if birthing at home)
Know how the car seat works and practice taking it in and out of the car
Know the appropriate phone numbers (where to call in labour for instance, and when, the contact details for triage can be useful too)
Know where to park the car if you’re driving
I suppose what I’m saying is consider the practical elements and practice these
Have an understanding of the hospital bag and how it’s packed (or better yet, be the one to pack it). It’ll inevitably be the birth partner grabbing out nappies, essential oils, pants, pads, hats etc… so if you know where that all is within the bag it’ll make everything run much more smoothly.
If the birthing person is planning to use hypnobirthing techniques, has accessed one of the PBC packs or is attending in person classes it would be brilliant to go along/get involved and get an understanding of how to apply them to labour and birth.
2. Practical Support
For any type of practical or emotional support during labour and birth it is essential to ‘read’ the situation. Some birthing people want a lot of support, guidance, company and input from their birth partner, others will want to be left completely alone and remain untouched and undisturbed. Gauging what is needed can be really tough and might take a bit of trial and error, so be patient with each other while you figure this out and get into the swing of it.
Set the scene – It doesn’t matter where you are (home, midwife unit, delivery suite) aim to facilitate the environment desired by the person in labour, which might include dimming lights, putting out LED candles etc). Bear this in mind if you move from one room to another as well, on entering the new place do a quick run around and get those atmospheric essentials sorted, as outlined.
Advocate – Knowing plans and hopes for birth is important for being able to advocate effectively for the birthing person if they are unable to.
Help with breathing techniques during contractions (In may births I’ve found it really effective to actually count out loud with the birthing person throughout the contractions, helping to guide and structure those deep breaths). It’s also surprising how often someone in labour needs to be reminded to focus on breathing and to use their pre-planned relaxation techniques.
Massage – learning some basic massage techniques for labour will be invaluable.
Remind the birthing person to wee and drink regularly
Offering occasional snacks (although, generally speaking I find most people don’t want to eat while in labour).
Take photos! (I can’t tell you how grateful I am to have these and be able to look back on)
Document a timeline of events (on your phone, or paper). This is for few reasons – it’s really useful to know when contractions started, when waters broke etc… for the medical staff to be able to gain a greater understanding of what is happening. It’s also useful (and nice) to have this for years to come. Often everything can feel like a bit of a blur, even in the days immediately following birth, when you try to unpick what happened and how it all played out it’s incredible to have the timings of everything jotted down. (I have a full record of when I was ‘x’ cm dilated, who was present, what time I started using gas and air, when I got in the birth pool etc… thanks to my husband who wrote this all down for me and I look at it all the time to replay everything in my head, particularly in the run up to the boy’s birthdays). I honestly can’t tell you how glad and grateful I am to have all of this information, even years later.
3. Emotional Support
The 3 most important words for this section are listen, encourage and motivate.
Listen to what the birthing person needs and respond to this in supportive way.
Encourage and motivate them if required, making sure they are reminded that they are loved, doing an incredible job, working hard and doing brilliantly.
Be there to emotionally support their needs, and try not to take it too personally if mood swings ensue – there are a lot of hormones flying around at this point!
4. Think about yourself too!
You really need to be on top form to be able to provide this level of care, support and carry out all the tasks required. That means eating and drinking plenty, resting when possible, taking breaks if needed and remembering to go to the toilet yourself!
Hopefully this has been of some use and can help to give some tips on how to prepare. It is my no means an exhaustive list so it’s important to work together to figure out what exactly the birthing person is needing from you, and what you can provide to make sure you’re both comfortable and happy on the day.
