Support after experiencing a miscarriage
In the UK, miscarriage is defined as a pregnancy loss occurring before 24 weeks gestation. It is estimated that 1 in 8 pregnancies end in miscarriage, however, many more happen before women and birthing people know that they are pregnant. Despite happening so often, many pregnant women and birthing people feel that they go through miscarriage alone - often pregnancies are not ‘announced’ before the first trimester ultrasound scan, and this can leave families grieving in secret and feeling unable to share their sadness or ask for support. Second trimester pregnancy loss is also legally considered a miscarriage prior to 24 weeks, and this can feel distressing for many who do not feel this fits their connection with their pregnancy.
Women and birthing people who have experienced miscarriage at any gestation, describe a spectrum of emotions from numbness and shock, guilt or anger, to intense sadness and grief. The emotional impact of miscarriage often takes more time to heal from than the physical effects. Partners, Dads and non-gestative parents can experience these feelings too - and the way that they react may not match the way that you feel, which can be confusing or distressing. Try to remember that we all cope in different ways, and keep talking to each other.
Miscarriages can happen for lots of different reasons but most women and birthing people never find out the cause - and the majority of miscarriages could not have been prevented. It is very unlikely that there is anything that you did or didn’t do that caused your miscarriage. If you have experienced a miscarriage, or are feeling concerned about miscarriage, it can help to have clear and accurate information. This can also be helpful for family and friends who are supporting you. Charities such as Tommy’s and The Miscarriage Association are great resources for information and support.
Your GP can offer support, and referral to your local Early Pregnancy Unit if appropriate. You may be offered investigations or referral to a specialist in some cases - most often if this is not your first miscarriage. If you are struggling to come to terms with miscarriage, please ask for help. You may decide that you want to share with family and friends, or you may prefer to keep your loss more private - there is no right or wrong way to cope. Some women and birthing people find solace in support groups or live chats via charity websites, knowing that you are not alone in your loss can be incredibly comforting. You may want to have some sort of memorial for your baby. Again, there is no right or wrong here, and there are countless ways that you could choose to mark and remember your loss. Some hospital Trusts have annual Baby Loss services, open for anyone to attend, as an opportunity to reflect and remember.
How long does it take to get over a miscarriage? How long does the emotional healing take? Be gentle with yourself, and allow yourself all the time it takes for you to start to feel better. Unfortunately losing a pregnancy before 24 weeks means that you are not entitled to parental leave, however, you can take sick leave - or if you are happy to discuss what has happened with your employer, you may be able to request some compassionate leave.
It may be that your miscarriage was weeks, months or even years ago, and you still feel sad. It is important to remember that there is no ‘normal’ way to cope with the loss of a pregnancy, but if you feel that grief is affecting your day to day life, you may benefit from specific support to help you - Cruse Bereavement Support has a free helpline and lots of resources on their website which you may find helpful.
Miscarriage can be devastating, but please know that you are not alone. Here at PBC our DMs are always open for words of support, and there are so many charities, support groups and avenues for support that are available to you.
Written by Senior NHS Midwife, Hannah O’Sullivan
