(STILL) Birth story - Hannah and baby Ayla

***TRIGGER WARNING*** This is the positive birth story of baby Ayla who was still born at full term. It is a beautiful but heartbreaking read and may not be suitable for all. I have decided to share this story for a number of reasons. Firstly because Ayla was born calmly, gently and with love and the birth experience was a positive and empowering one for Hannah, despite the tragic circumstances surrounding it. Secondly Hannah wanted to share her story and hopes by doing so that she will help others and thirdly because I believe baby Ayla and her incredible Mama deserve to be honoured and celebrated just as everybody else is.  Thank you Hannah for sharing your story.

I wanted to thank The Positive Birth Company for giving me the confidence and knowledge to make something that was the most devastating thing I hope I will ever have to endure, the most beautiful and positive empowering experience of my life.

Initially, I wanted to stay oblivious to the labour part of being pregnant but then soon realised going in blind was probably not the best idea, I had heard about hypnobirthing and how beneficial it can be, so read a book
about it but wanted to know more, this is when I discovered The Positive Birthing digital pack which I downloaded when I was 32 weeks pregnant, Liam and I watched the videos together and I loved how interested he was in the whole science behind labour and our incredible bodies, so much so he would love
telling our friends and strangers a like our new found knowledge about birth.

I had set out to have a home waterbirth, as believed this would be the calmest and most comfortable environment for me to deliver our baby in. My pool was delivered when I was 37 weeks pregnant, I thoroughly enjoyed setting up my birthing room, putting fairy lights around the room and inside the pool, along with all of my positive birth affirmations dotted about. I also ordered two natural candles from HYP (help your pregnancy) which smell amazing, and I started burning these from 37 weeks pregnant to get myself in my zone of relaxation whilst listening to my Freya App and MP3s.

I felt so prepared to go into labour and bring our baby safely and calmly into the world, although this unfortunately, wasn’t going to have the happy ending we had been so longingly waiting for.

On the 2nd March at 40+2weeks pregnant I went to the assessment centre because I was worried about reduced movements. I was hooked up to the CTG machine for about 45minutes and was told baby was text book perfect. Whilst on the monitor I was chatting away to the midwife who couldn’t believe how well
informed I was with everything to do with labour and pregnancy, she said you probably know more than some of the women here to which I gave full credit to the digital pack.

My cervix was then checked by the midwife and I was told it was unfavourable, she couldn’t even get the tip of her finger in it, so she said an induction was not likely to have any affect. The doctor then came in and asked if I would like to be induced – so using BRAIN and taking into consideration that they had told me the baby was absolutely fine text book perfect and the midwifes views that an induction wasn’t likely to do anything – and also that I wanted to have my home birth and not to be induced. I declined the induction.

The midwife told me her head was 3/5th engaged, so to get on my ball and try and get some pressure on my cervix. I went home bounced on my birthing ball, had my clary sage burning, drank my raspberry leaf tea and went to bed that evening feeling hopeful labour might begin in the next few days.

I woke up Tuesday morning and hadn’t felt much movement so went back up to the assessment centre, that’s when sadly we were told our little girls heart had stopped beating.

This then meant I would have to be induced which now having gone through, have no idea why I was so against it in the first place. I was given a tablet which needed 36hours to do its thing, so we were sent home on the Tuesday night  and was booked in for induction on Thursday at 8am.

I must admit I was dreading going into hospital for the induction, was terrified I wouldn’t be able to do it but strangely when we arrived and got into our room, I felt strangely calm and thought I can do this, I have to do
this to meet our baby.​

At 9am we asked if we could have an ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby, as originally we were going to have a surprise and with no definite names in the hat, we figured we would have plenty of time to name our baby but since time was no longer in our favour – we wanted to find out so we could spend the day choosing a name that had meaning. It’s a girl!!

We decided on Ayla Frankie – Ayla meaning ‘Halo of light around the Moon' and her middle name Frankie meaning ‘Free One'. (Ayla pronounced the same as Isla)

I was given a tablet every 4 hours, starting at 10am. My last tablet was due about 7pm but by this point I was getting strong contractions, my waters then broke at 20.45pm and by 9pm I was in established labour with my surges coming really quick with little time between each one, I recorded 4 surges on my Freya app and she announced on the 4th one – you are now in established labour! We had dimmed the lights and put my fairy lights up, it looked magical.

I remained and felt so calm throughout my whole labour and surprisingly stayed silent throughout (baring the occasional very quietly ushered swearword) I used my up breathing whilst bouncing on the birthing ball. I opted to use gas and air because of my having no time between each surge, our amazing midwife gave me the best back rub because Liam’s attempt wasn’t great, bless him! By about 2am they wanted me to get onto the bed and try and rest if I could, at this point I think I had a wobble and wanted something stronger for the pain so opted for Diamorphine so I could have a little rest between surges. I stayed upright and just swayed for sometime until eventually I got onto the bed but couldn’t get comfy anywhere, tried to lean on the back of the bed with the head part upright but I got pins and needles in my feet, nothing was comfy. I could feel
at this point her head was making it’s way down and felt the pressure in my bum.

It was about 4:15am by this point, I got myself off the bed dragging the oxytocin drip that’s attached to me behind me, whilst Liam and my mum were fast asleep and snoring, and left the gas and air behind and ventured into the bathroom, as I decided the only place I was going to get comfy was the toilet, and within 14minutes of being on the toilet and doing my down breathing, Ayla was born sleeping at 4.29am on the 6th March weighing 6lb 3oz. I held her closely to my chest and carried her out of the bathroom towards Liam in
absolute awe of this beautiful little girl we had created.

We had 3 amazing days with Ayla, where both of our families and our friends got to meet her and hold her, memories we will treasure forever.

Without The Positive Birthing company, I’m not sure I could have brought our daughter into the world as calmly as I did and have the most amazing labour experience – so much so I loved it and I cant wait to do it again.