Birth story - Valerie and baby Ella

*Trigger warning* - pelvic floor tension, difficult pushing stage.

Context: I and my husband now live in Singapore (previously London and San Francisco respectively each) - where almost all births are in the hospital, there are no midwives, and a very high elective C-section rate. We began this pregnancy not knowing anything but what we had seen friends and family go through. The stories from this community helped me so incredibly much in transforming my mindset and approach to birth, that I’m hoping to give back with my own positive story here.

We selected a very experienced and pro-natural OBGYN at A Company for Women. His clinic was affiliated with Four Trimesters birth centre, where we underwent 6 sessions x 4 hours of in-person antenatal classes. It was there that we were introduced to the concept of hypnobirthing and the importance of relaxation. I then discovered The Positive Birth Company after some research. Going through the classes, online course and reading the stories in this FB group, I felt I had got over my anxieties and was feeling pretty positive about birth. I was fully aware of the options that would be available to me, and the reasoning behind each decision that could be made along the way.

Throughout this pregnancy, I had been “training” physically (swimming, walking, perineal massage, pelvic positioning); mentally (planning, meditation); and emotionally (relaxation) for the transition into parenthood. I had taken leave from work starting from 37 weeks to relax and get “into the zone”. I started drinking raspberry leaf tea around this time too. For perineal massage, I used a device from Germany called the Epi-No, recommended by my doctor. I highly recommend it for any first-time mums too!

Baby was due at 40 weeks on 7 April. On 5 April around 10am, I started having some menstrual-like cramps throughout the day. I also lost some mucus plug around 5pm. The cramps were pretty irregular though, so that night we just went to bed as usual and leave it all up to nature. Sure enough, early that same morning on 6 April, the surges started coming at around 1am. I was still not sure they were the real thing, but by 3.40am they were 5.5 mins apart and 50 seconds long. But they were still inconsistent and irregular, so it was still considered early labour. My husband decided it was time to call our doula and she came over. I continued with up breathing exercises, listening to my hypnobirthing playlist, putting warm rice socks on my back, walking around, alternating between sofa and birthing ball, and using the TENS machine to get through the surges for the next few hours. It was a relatively calm and relaxed time as we were in the comfort of our own bedroom and home.

At 5am there was some bloody show and the surges started getting really intense. Around 7am we drove to the hospital. I went through several surges throughout the ride and in the lobby while waiting for my husband to park the car, but still coping. I think the people in the lobby were pretty shocked as this is not normal at all in Singapore! Even though in most countries you are turned away if you are not 6cm dilated, here you are admitted even if you are only 1cm dilated or just having pains. You are most likely “given” 24 hours to deliver by that point, and they’d probably give you a membrane sweep, pessary or synthetic oxytocin to get you started. Which was why we didn’t want to go to hospital until it I was truly in late-stage active labour.

They immediately offered me pain relief which I declined and my husband told them not to ask again. We also put up “hypnobirthing in progress” signs! The nurse that did the baseline VE said I was only 1.5cm dilated which we all knew had to be wrong. We were proved right as my doctor arrived shortly after and confirmed I was almost fully dilated at 9cm. He was pretty sure baby would be delivered in the morning so went back off to clinic. I was reassured but then unfortunately baby’s head took awhile to descend. It later turned out that my pelvic floor was too tense.. so being too athletic is not that good either! This stage ended up taking longer than expected and quite hard for me, I was nearly ready to accept assisted delivery after 2 hours at 11am and baby still hadn’t been born. But then, a different nurse came and coached me through the pushing, and I found a miraculous second wind. I remembered my Epi-No training and which muscles to engage for pushing. The doctor came back and the water membranes turned out to be very strong so he broke them manually, which was a non-event really. After about 30 mins of real pushing she was born! Honestly I could only have got through it because my husband and doula were there, on my side and by my side, throughout every single moment. It was amazing to find that my body was able to cope without pharmaceutical pain relief and using all the techniques I learnt.

Baby was super alert when she was born, thanks to her being unmedicated. We had a lovely hour of skin-to-skin family time where she had her first latch easily and gazed at our faces. Also thanks to the lactation consultant that visited us in those crucial early hours. Because of the regular perineal massage, I had NO external tears at all except one small internal tear so just a very small stitch needed. Recovery has been relatively smooth. Swelling went down after just 3 days, and the bleeding reduced significantly after just 1 week. Baby’s weight and diaper output are within normal range so far, she’s doing well.

Giving birth has been an incredibly empowering experience for me. Not because of the outcome of the birth or method of delivery — but because I was totally aware of what was happening, knew the consequences of any decisions, and felt I had the tools to deal with whatever happened. I started out this pregnancy knowing nothing but hearsay and Hollywood, received many conflicting advice, and emerged the other side feeling so much more empowered. Hope that this story encourages us all to support each other throughout our own individual birthing journeys! You got this mamas!