Birth story - Natalie and baby Lilah

*Trigger*- post labour bleeding

This feels so surreal posting my birth story exactly 1 year on. During my pregnancy I became obsessed with reading all the positive birth stories in this group and with each story I got that extra reassurance and confidence I needed. So thank you all! I had an uncomplicated pregnancy and was very active throughout, always walking and doing my prenatal yoga once a week.

I had always said I would opt for an epidural just to make things pain free and "easy" as I didn't really know any better thanks to the media etc.. But that all changed when I came across a blogger online talking about the PBC and that’s when I fell in love with the idea of birth.

A month before my due date I started to get Braxton hicks once or twice a week. Between 3/2 weeks before my due date I noticed I was getting a lot more discharge down there and I even went to get a swab done as I was concerned I might have an infection but now looking back I now know this was just the build up to baby coming.

I just had a weird sense of something different is now happening to my body and that I felt baby would come sooner than expected.

On the Friday 10 days before my due date I had told myself that I better sort out all my grooming bits and pieces as I didn't want to be stuck last minute shaving or washing my hair. That included taking some bump pictures as I had always put it off. The flat was also a mess and my husband and I did a massive spring clean.

All smooth, clean and feeling good in a very tidy flat. 5pm arrived and I was about to pop out to meet my father for a coffee when I felt my first contraction. It was quite a strong sudden period pain cramp that stopped me in my tracks. I carried on dressing thinking nothing of it until the next one came 30 minutes later. That's when I thought ok could this be it?

I called my father to say that I wasn't feeling great and just wanted to rest, messaged my husband who went for a jog in the park to warn him that something might be happening. (Him, being him, obviously panicked and sods law got locked in the park with a bicycle and had to climb over the gates) thank goodness I didn't know at the time!

I remained calm and just sat on my birthing ball bouncing away in disbelief that anything was happening chatting away to my father who came by to check on me. When the next surge came I burst into tears in shock realising that this was really it!

My surges were quite full on but I was able to breathe my way through them using the freya app whilst still on my ball.

Once my husband came back home we called the birth centre to let them know how far my surges were and they just said to keep them informed.

I took some paracetamol and rescue remedy and kept bouncing away.

At this stage I kept on constantly going to the toilet as if I had a bad tummy which was my bodies way of emptying everything for the birth. I used my tens machine which helped for a while but it irritated me as time went on.

By 9pm I was feeling exhausted and just wanted a nap, I took some more paracetamol and rescue remedy and told myself to lie down and that I needed to sleep. I didn't actually sleep and wasn't at all comfortable lying down but I knew I needed to rest to prepare for what's to come. An hour had passed which felt like forever and I decided I had to get up. The surges were getting more uncomfortable and faster. Still plugged in listening to the freya app, which I loved and found so soothing, as well as maintaining my UP breathing.

Now this is the blurry bit, my surges became so intense and fast I began throwing up with each surge. I remember just standing in the shower every few minutes to rinse myself and just wanting to feel the hot water over my body to relax.

By 11.30ish that was it, my body took over and I didn't feel in control, something had switched and I shouted at my husband that I need to go to the hospital now, this was my transition stage.

We booked a black cab and he got our bits and pieces together and it felt like forever as the surges were so close together and powerful that it would make me freeze. I found it difficult to walk (waddle) just even a few steps and thought, ‘how am I going to make it all the way to the cab?’

The cab journey seemed like an eternity and just a manic blur I remember shouting as nicely as I could to the sweet driver to get there faster as I could feel pressure and couldn't sit down.

We arrived at the hospital doing my moaning and groaning and got into the birth suite around midnight. I remember being so angry that the midwives were so calm and laidback and felt like they were ignoring me taking their sweet time to see me.

I kept saying I really need some form of pain relief and begging for an epidural and didn't want a water birth anymore. The lovely midwife said she would need to check me and took me to her consultation room to see how far along I was.

I was like a hot mess in there unable to stay still in any position for long, crying and throwing up with each surge. She checked me and said my love, you are 9cm baby is coming!! I couldn't believe it and just knew it was too late for an epidural. This is when I really panicked as I knew I had no other choices now. She led me to the birthing suite and made me lie on my back with the gas and air as she prepared the birthing pool, which I can say took what felt like a lifetime to fill! I kept asking my husband is the water dripping out?!

I finally got in the water and just like that I felt pure bliss. Now for the remainder of my time in the pool which was exactly 2hrs I was leant over the edge on my knees facing my husband and using the gas. This is when I had to tell myself to snap out of this distress mode and lets just do this. My body knew exactly what to do and it truly did and took over. I was quiet and focused pushing only when I felt the need to push and it felt really good. The nurses would try to tell me to push when I didn't feel ready and I told them no I can't and just listened to my body like suggested on PBC. With each push there was a beautiful breather and sense of relief.

My husband would pour ice cold lucozade sport into my mouth (a great tip I was given, to freeze a few bottles before the due date) it was much needed as the gas made my mouth very dry. In between the nurses also gave me water with honey and ice cubes for me to keep my energy levels up. At one stage the nurse suggested she get some clary sage for me to breathe in but after a while the smell was so intense and made me nauseous again so she took it away.

The room was dark and quiet exactly how I imagined and I was practically hugging my husband with each surge, I had a sense of calm and allowed my body to just let go it was almost like an out of body experience. The midwife was so reassuring and kept checking baby saying she was so impressed with how calm we both were and that baby was very happy and still in the sac!

Now the ring of fire began and oh my goodness it felt exactly like that but I knew that meant the end was near, and within the next few pushes I gathered up whatever power I had left in me and pushed and "mooed" with all my might and just like that baby literally slipped out (that's how it felt) and I felt the BIGGEST relief. To this day I still remember how amazing that final push felt. The nurse pushed baby between my legs so I could get her and I grabbed this beautiful tiny baby, I remember excitedly saying she's got rolls! What a moment I'll remember forever. Baby let out a big cry and my husband and I just looked at each other in amazement!

Trigger warning!

Now neither of us can remember when the cord was cut as everything became another blur. I started to bleed quite fast in the pool and the nurses became concerned and got me out on the floor, baby was given to my husband so that he could do skin to skin.

Baby was out so I was mentally and physically done, I just expected to recover and cuddle my baby. The nurses gave me the injection for the placenta and it wasn't really budging so it became very hands on trying to get it out. In the meantime because of the bleeding a Dr had rushed in and was putting needles for an IV but was struggling to find a vein so kept pricking the same time as the other nurse was tugging for the placenta.

The placenta finally came out and the Dr said she would need to do an internal check, I'm not going to lie i was in a lot of pain and kept moving away to stop it but she was in a rush as they wanted to figure out why I was bleeding.

When she was finally done she apologised for not being as gentle as she could've been but I was pleased to know that I had no rips or tears, thank you PBC!

She then said she would have to put a catheter in me to release the pressure from my bladder. Because of the urgency of this it wasn't comfortable at all and I needed the gas and air. It was finally done. Baby was placed on my chest and I was wheeled into high dependency unit ward for a couple of hours to be monitored then was moved to the general ward which I spent a night in then home the next day all happy as a 3! I could've gone home earlier but chose not as I still felt a bit weak.

Unfortunately my post birth experience was definitely not what I had hoped for as once baby was out I was in such a ethereal state of mind I didn't expect to be in any other form of pain after that.

However, I am very grateful for such a short labour and moment of my life that makes the post experience seem insignificant. I will never ever forget the birth and I think about it often feeling so proud of myself! You really do feel like superwoman birthing a baby, our bodies are incredible and the way it just knows what to do amazes me. Even though I was so against a water birth and the no pain relief in the midst of panic I am so thankful I got say I experienced every single bit of it.

I can't express how much the PBC has helped me and I hope my story can encourage and inspire others.

You've truly got this mama!