Birth story - Mum and baby girl

Hi mamas,

It’s taken me almost a whole year to post my birth story. I’m not yet 100% happy with it, but I’m getting there.

After a first baby induced at 40+5, a horrible Pitocin experience, and ending up asking for an epidural at 3cm because I couldn’t endure the pain, I REALLY wanted to have the natural birth I had always been dreaming of.

For me, giving birth is a normal process that can be achieved with no pain. So when I heard that this philosophy existed and was called hypnobirthing, I jumped on the bandwagon! With my first, I merely read a book and wasn’t prepared at all. I was ecstatic when I found the Positive Birth Company and its courses and gentle method.

I started the courses online at 36 weeks, although I had gotten them pretty early, by 20 weeks or so. I thought I had the time since my first one, took plenty of it to come to this world. I was wrong, baby girl decided that she was ready at 38 weeks. Right after I went to bed by midnight, I felt like I was peeing myself, when I got up, a gush of water started spilling everywhere: definitely wasn’t pee!

I called my doula because I had no contractions whatsoever! She said to wait till they came and became regular, but to stay cautious as a second baby could arrive faster. I just hung up the phone with her and the surges started to come, stronger and stronger. I called the hospital and they convinced me to come in.

The first team that welcomed me at the hospital was not helpful at all and super intrusive. The second team, with my midwife 😍 was all in for me to give birth with no medication whatsoever. They totally respected my birth plan and supported me. However, my surges were not strong enough and I was dilating very slowly.

I spent the whole day drinking water, being massaged by both my husband and doula, listening to prayers, reading my notes taken from Siobhan’s courses, pumping my breast to provoke surges, playing with and breastfeeding Mila, who was 22 months at the time.

See, I used to live in France and moved to the US for work where I was stranded because of the advanced stage of my pregnancy. My mom was supposed to come a few days after to take care of Mila, but since baby girl arrived earlier, my husband and I had nobody to babysit our first daughter. So she attended the birth of her sister!!!! 💖💖💖

By 6pm, I was exhausted. The pain was too much. In spite of my midwife telling me that “if one person could give birth without any pain relief in this whole hospital, it is YOU”, in spite of my husband’s kisses and my daughter’s sweet massages, something was very painful: Baby girl had turned her head up and was thus slowing the process.

I was 8cm dilated and I couldn’t take it anymore. I just wanted to sleep. I had spent a whole night up breastfeeding my first baby and stressing about the birth, and the whole day with surges. I begged for the epidural after all these efforts, at 8cm. I was so disappointed in me, I kept crying and asking everyone around me to forgive me for being so weak. Of course they all said I was the strongest, but up to this day I don’t believe it and regret so bad to have yielded to the epidural.

After I got it, everything went smoothly. Baby came a couple of hours later. When I got her on my breast, her sister kissed her and said “ew, she’s wet!”, and they melted my heart down ❤️

Baby girl is today 10 months old, I tandem-breastfeed her with Mila who is more than 2,5 years old, and I’m 14 weeks pregnant with baby #3. I can’t wait to study my PBC classes again and meet this new little bundle of joy. I hope this time I’ll be able to go to 10cm without the epidural 😉