Birth story - Mum and baby girl

🚨Triggers - retained placenta and transfer to theatre, but this was still a positive and calm experience. Use of the word contractions - not negative to me. 

I had always been extremely anxious about the prospect of being pregnant and birthing a baby. I always knew I wanted children, but never felt ready to face the process of getting there. I’m needle phobic, don’t like hospitals and never wanted to hear the details of my friends’ birth experiences. Because of this anxiety, I put off having kids, despite wanting them, until my mid thirties when I finally felt like I could be ready.

As someone who throws up constantly when they’re hungover and used to suffer badly from travel sickness, I was convinced I’d feel awful throughout my pregnancy. I was astounded that it was the opposite. I was lucky to get no nausea or sickness, and rather than freaking out about my body changing I became fascinated by it and loved watching my belly grow. My job involves long hours and being on my feet all day, and though I managed to work from home during lockdown for much of my pregnancy, I managed 2 months of 7am starts and 9pm finishes when pushing into my third trimester, and felt totally fine. Everything I’d assumed about pregnant women being sick and tired seemed to be completely wrong. I enjoyed being pregnant so much that I actually started to worry about how much I’d miss it!

All my appointments and scans were during the pandemic, so unfortunately my partner couldn’t attend any of them, but it was something we were prepared for from the outset, rather than being a dramatic change, which I think helped. I’m grateful to have had a very straight forward, low risk pregnancy, as I can’t imagine what it would be like to receive bad news on your own. 

A friend introduced me to the PBC about halfway through my pregnancy. I read the book and my partner and I did the online course together. Having initially wanted to keep my head in the sand a little about the birth side of things, I found the course invaluable. It helped me make sense of everything and rather than feeling terrified about it all, I started to strangely look forward to it. I was fascinated to know what it would all feel like. 

I had toyed with the idea of getting a doula, and when I found out that my hospital was allowing two birth partners in for the delivery I decided to go ahead. Despite feeling relatively calm about the prospect of birth now, I knew I had the propensity to flip on the day and for the anxiety to return. I trusted my partner to advocate for me, but I think we both just wanted someone there who knew what they were doing and could keep me (and him!) calm - especially whilst labouring at home. I was also reassured by having help with breastfeeding afterwards and just generally having someone to lean on if I needed them. I figured I would rather regret paying for their help and in the end not needing them, than regret not having them and then desperately wishing I did.

Towards the end of my pregnancy I was diagnosed with Group B Strep, despite having no symptoms, which was picked up in a routine urine sample. It put a real spanner in the works for me as I hate needles and I started to fear having a cannula put in more than I feared the actual birth. I had a very reassuring midwife who explained that they should be able to put it in at the inside of my lower arm, a bit above my wrist, rather than in the back on my hand, which helped a little. Lots of friends reassured me that I wouldn’t even notice it once I was in the throws of labour - and they were right. 

Unfortunately, a week or two before my due date, the hospital rules changed due to tier 4 restrictions and they were now allowing only one birth partner in. Finding this out, along with the Group B Strep made me take a bit of a dip. My main worry was that if my waters broke, but I didn’t start contracting, then I’d have to be admitted to hospital straight away (in order to get antibiotics for the GSB) and potentially face an induction, meaning also that my doula wouldn’t be able to labour with me at home. I worried that I’d done all this positive prep, but I’d probably end up with a pretty medicalised birth. Thankfully that wasn’t the case at all. 

Having turned down a sweep just before my due date (I really didn’t want a Christmas Day baby!), we started trying to get things moving after Boxing Day. My midwife and doula had both said that sex was just as, if not more effective than a sweep, so we did that, as well as a long walk, raspberry leaf tea and the clary sage in the bath. Not sure which of them did the trick, but overnight (on 27th Dec) I started getting light period cramps. 

They continued the following morning and by midday had become regular, but very much manageable. We went for a walk, and then settled in for a film. My partner started timing them, just to get used to the app, and they gradually became more regular. By the late afternoon they were becoming more intense and I started to use the tens machine. It definitely helped and was good to feel like I had some kind of control over something. I had a long bath and by the early evening had retreated to bed. The contractions had become increasingly intense and for me, the only thing that helped was lying in bed, curled up in the foetal position. 

By the late evening the contractions were looking like they were 3 in 10 and, having been in touch with my doula throughout the day, we decided it was time to call her over. I think if we were on our own then we’d have probably headed to hospital at this point. She arrived at around 1am, with a tool kit of things to calm me. She got her diffuser on with some amazing oils, she applied pressure by leaning on my back and hips during each contraction (which I found more useful than the light touch massage), she asked my partner to sort out things like the bags, the dog and then have a nap while he could. However, the most beneficial thing she did was give me this anxiety necklace - https://www.komusodesign.com/

Now I’m someone who would have generally scoffed at this kind of thing. I couldn’t get on with the positive affirmation scripts, nor the soft massage and don’t really go in for natural remedies etc. I wanted a natural delivery but was totally open to pain relief if I felt I needed it on the day. I only tried it because it was given to me and I figured why not? and for me, this anxiety necklace was a game changer. I had been trying to count my breaths - in for 4 and out for 8, but as the contractions intensified I found it harder to do. With this necklace, you have to blow your breath out through it. So you have to force your breath through this tiny gap, and it’s near impossible to blow it out quickly - so you have no choice but to breathe out slowly. It was also great to have something to feel in control of and to concentrate on.

We had called the birth centre at 1.30am ish, to warn them that I was likely coming in tonight and they had encouraged me to stay at home a little longer. At around 3am I had my show, but my waters still hadn’t broken. I knew I had to make the move to hospital at some point and that it was only going to get harder to do so as things ramped up, so at about 3.45am ish we got a black cab and made the journey over. I was on my knees, leaning over the seats in the back of the cab, still blowing into my necklace. When we got to the hospital we had to say goodbye to my doula and were taken straight to the birth centre. I was taken over on a wheelchair as I was finding it hard to walk with the contractions. 

I was examined and told I was 6cm, so I was delighted that I didn’t have to go home. I am sure that if we’d come in when my partner and I thought we needed to, earlier that night, then we’d have been turned away. I got the cannula put in, and as predicted, barely noticed it. The midwife put it in my lower arm and taped it right down. I tried the gas and air, but didn’t really like the taste. I also found that stopping using the necklace really put me off my breathing. I’d thought I’d absolutely nail the gas and air, but instead just took the occasional puff before going back to the anxiety necklace. I didn’t feel it had much of an effect on me, but that’s perhaps because I didn’t take enough of it?

Once I’d had my first dose of antibiotics for the Group B Strep through the cannula I was able to get into the pool, which was an instant relief. I laboured in there for a few hours, but things started to slow a little. My midwife suggested I try and go to the loo and that getting out the pool might move things along a bit. I had found throughout my labour so far, that every time I moved - be it out of my bed at home, or to the loo, or into a cab - it brought on another contraction almost instantly, and this was no different. Gravity hit me when I got out of the pool and I felt so heavy. I got to the toilet and in trying to go, suddenly felt her coming. I moved from the toilet to the bed - on all fours, leaving over the giant bean bag and I transitioned. 

From 36 weeks I had used the Aniball and at this point in the labour I felt the full benefit of it. When I’d first heard of it, early on in my pregnancy, I had thought NO WAY is that for me. But more and more people started recommending it, and when a friend told me that her one regret was not using it, I decided to give it a go. I’d set aside an hour each day, have a bath, fully relax and use the Aniball. I was pretty religious about it, but had skipped a few days here and there if I wasn’t feeling well or just to give myself a break. If you’re using it then my advice would be to start on a small number of pumps every time you use it and work up - don’t start from where you left off the day the before. Also definitely hold on to it when expelling it. I found that holding it in position with my hands and almost slowly pushing against it to get it out was much better than just letting it come out. Anyway, I only got up to 27cm before the birth and worried that it wouldn’t have been enough to prepare me. Despite that, I was sure that even for the mental preparation and feeling the sensation prior to birth it would be worth it. 

I was in the pushing stage for maybe 45 mins before my baby girl arrived. The Aniball really helped me to control her delivery and hold her in position, allowing her to slowly arrive. She seemed to get stuck at her shoulders and both were coming out together, so at this stage an episiotomy was mentioned. However I thought I haven’t used the Aniball everyday for a month to end up with an episiotomy (!!), so with guidance from the midwives, I pushed with all my might and she finally arrived at 8.45am. She was a big baby at 4kg, but despite her size and the fact that her shoulders were delivered together, I luckily got away with no tears - just a small graze. I definitely think that this was in part due to the Aniball, as well as the compresses applied by my midwife as she came out. 

Having initially wanted a natural placenta delivery, on the day I decided to get the injection as I was keen for it all to be finished. I had a good 20 mins or so of skin to skin but the placenta still wasn’t coming away. My midwife tried to help manipulate it out, but unfortunately I had a short cord and it broke away from the placenta. She suggested I pass the baby to my partner whilst I get on the bed pan to help it down and try pushing etc. Nothing seemed to be working and they became a little concerned about me losing blood. My midwife was brilliant and calmly explained that she’d need to get the doctor in to see if she could get it out and that if that didn’t work I’d need to transfer to theatre. Unfortunately the doctor couldn’t get it out either, so I headed up to theatre. 

This situation might sound scary, but the staff were so calm and informed me so well, and now that our baby was out safe and sound - in the moment it just felt like ‘yes, let’s get this sorted’. I lay on the hospital bed and was calmly wheeled to theatre, chatting with the midwife en route and using my little anxiety necklace. The lovely doctor explained what would happen and I was given a spinal block, which didn’t hurt at all when being administered. Though it was ironic to have a spinal block AFTER the birth (!!), it was actually kind of interesting to experience both the sensation of childbirth and then the comparison of what an epidural might be like. The whole thing was over within about 20 mins and I was met on the recovery ward by my partner and my gorgeous baby. I had a catheter put in which I was actually pretty pleased about as it meant I could nail a load of water without worrying about having to constantly go to the loo! The first cup of tea was incredible, as was the bread and jam.

We stayed in hospital for that day and night and then most of the following day, whilst they did extra observations on the baby due to the GSB (as there wasn’t time to give me two doses of it before she was born) and extra blood tests on me due to the blood loss. I found breastfeeding immediately quite painful, despite the latch being apparently good. The midwife noticed our baby had a slight tongue tie and when this was confirmed at the home visit a few days later we decided to get a private midwife over to fix it at home straight away (apx £200) rather than wait for a referral and potentially face covid delays.

It was undoubtedly the most intense experience of my life and I’m grateful that it was so positive and that I get to write it all down in between newborn cuddles 💚