Birth story - Laura and baby boy

*Trigger warning* - Previous planned homebirth turned transfer in to unplanned cesarean section. Mention of vanishing twin pregnancy.

Previous planned homebirth turned transfer in to unplanned CS in June 2020, in the U.K. under NHS maternity care. Though it was an overall positive experience in many ways, using PBC course. However, I came to understand that I still had a lot of grief and trauma to process, as I felt very resentful for having had a previous cesarean when planning a home birth again. Through my research and processing I found it easier to understand why our first birth went the route it did, and possibly how to prevent this from happening this time.

From the moment we got pregnant again after an early loss in Feb 2022 I knew I wanted a home birth with our rainbow baby. I have strong feelings about normalising physiological birth (even though I am also very much on team modern medicine is necessary when it’s necessary!), and really wanted my family and friends who have their own birth traumas to see that birth can be and IS safe.

This is the first pregnancy and birth I have navigated in a different healthcare system to the NHS, having been born and bred in the U.K.. from the get go things were different. In Canada the usual protocol is to go with OBs not midwives- luckily my local town has a great midwifery team but you have to register with them super early and even then you’re not guaranteed a place as there are so few of them. I felt super grateful to have secured an assigned midwife because I knew if I’d gone through OB care I would had probably had to resort to a freebirth, which I think is doable and wonderful but as someone with a prior c-section and no vaginal births I wouldn’t have felt comfortable doing.

At the 10 week scan we found out it was a vanishing twin pregnancy which was something entirely new to me which I had to emotionally and mentally process.

Everything else went well. But as soon as I mentioned that I wanted an HBAC the usual “risk of uterine rupture” which might result in dead baby/mum card was thrown at me. I was so torn. I had trauma and residual fear from my first birth. I cried and cried because the last place I wanted to birth was a hospital again, but I was afraid to risk my unborn child’s life for what “I wanted”.

I then met who would be one of my secondary midwives if my primary was not on call, Emily. After disclosing my feelings she gave me the best advice “instead of focusing on what you don’t want to happen during the birth, focus on what you do want to happen”. So that was that. I was advocating for myself, I was having an HBAC.

I accepted the (tiny) risks. And focussed on the positives.

About 37 weeks, my midwife tells me baby is in a great LOA position and is in fact engaged! I’d been going to see an osteopath, getting regular prenatal massage (the therapist ended up being our doula! Best investment ever and a friend made for life) so I was very happy to know this. My June 2020 first child was asynclitic, and so I felt confident that this time it wouldn’t be the same. My husband was convinced he would come early seeing as I went into spontaneous labour with his big sister at 40+3.

40 weeks pass.. 41 weeks passed.. the induction card was played. I had specifically said I don’t wish to be induced unless medically necessary but I agreed to induction at 41+6 only to shut up the OBs at the hospital the midwives are connected to. I thought to myself “I won’t go past 41+5”. I was wrong! So eventually I decline the booked induction and thankfully didn’t get any push back for this decision.

I discuss expectant management again with midwives on 41+6. All my choices were respected and they really made me feel like making these decisions for myself was the right thing to do. At 9:30pm just after I’d put my 3yo daughter to bed, I text my doula saying I’d been having regular but painless contractions over dinner (they seemed like Braxton hicks but more regular than usual) & I was going to get some rest in case anything ramped up. Well I didn’t not expect what was about to happen! As soon as my head hit the pillow the contractions went from painless and manageable to frequent, intense and I was unable to walk, move or talk through them. I grabbed my palm comb which helped tonnes.

We called our Doula and the midwives about 20mins after as I knew this was definitely it, and thank goodness we did. I had declined VEs in my birth preference however, I had some unexpected bleeding about 2 hours after the start of active labour and was feeling a little wobbly so wanted to check it was just cervical changes. My midwife informed me I was about 8-9cm! (I dilated to 7cm before my first ended in the cesarean). This felt surreal. Before I knew it I was roaring like a lion.

I did find the second stage challenging. It was the part I felt doubt and I was not self assured. In my first labour I started to involuntarily push when I was 5cm dilated and I think the trauma from that past experience held me back. This is where the incredible team of women and my husband came in. I needed that encouragement. They helped me change position a few times and my waters broke before heading to the bathroom where my midwife led me to finally sit on the toilet. Baby’s heart rate started to have decels as I struggled with pushing. The emergency services were on standby. There was no way I was getting this far with such intensity to end up in hospital again with a RCS. I reached down and touched his little crowning head and had the most incredible out of body experience as I roared pushing whilst touching him as his head was born. With another mighty push his body came out next.

Pushing was about an hour and a half (will get specific timings from midwives when we go through a debrief). so we started active labour just after 10:00pm and baby was born 2:23am. Never in a million years did I think my body would labour so effectively when I was told I’d “failed to progress” with my first. He is perfect.

We had skin to skin. Expectant management of the placenta, which came out 20mins later. Unfortunately he was having trouble breathing and very mucusy so the paramedics were kept on standby and for a while we thought it was going to be a transfer into NICU which did fill me with dread for a short moment. But after some more skin to skin he pulled through, I had a quick stitch up after getting second degree tears, and we got to all cuddle together and stay at home, Mummy, Daddy, big sister and little brother.

This was by far the most healing and powerful experience I’ve ever had in my life. I feel so grateful to have had such supportive care providers and my husband was my rock throughout. All that oxytocin was just unbelievable. I’m still on cloud nine. The best high I’ve ever had in my life! I wish I could do it all over again! ❤️