Birth story - Kiti and baby Nikau

I felt like my body was preparing for labour weeks before the event. I had been experiencing lightening crotch, a deep back ache and difficulty walking from 37 weeks.

As my due date approached, I felt anxiety as conversations involving a sweep and an induction began to happen at 39 weeks. My partner and I had discussed that we were not going to be pressured into any of these so were prepared to say no with confidence at our 40 + 2 week appointment. Thankfully we did because baby Nikau came two days later at 40 + 4 naturally and in his own time.

The UK was in a heatwave in my final weeks of pregnancy, so we spent time outdoors in the sunshine, going out for dinners, going to the cinema, having picnics and sitting in beer gardens enjoying each other’s company trying to encourage as much oxytocin as possible.

I ramped up my hypnobirthing practice, I made sure to meditate every day, practice yoga and keep my thoughts on my baby and my birth. I watched positive birthing videos, read positive stories and visualised how I saw my own birth panning out. Ironically, I even began reading up about “free birth”, not because I wanted one but because I found it interesting and empowering.

I woke up at 12am on Friday the 25th June at 40 + 4 to use the bathroom and felt very heavy like my period was about to start. I had this feeling off and on over the last few weeks so didn’t think too much of it. I went back to sleep and then woke again at 12:30 with period like cramps. I lay in bed for a bit before I decided to get up and see if walking about would help. I messaged my Mum in NZ saying I was having cramps and that I wonder if this is labour starting. I turned on my fairy lights, sat on my birth ball gazing out at the beautiful red full moon and sniffed on my clary sage oil.

I began timing my surges at 1am using the Freya app, still unsure if this was labour or just my body preparing. The surges were infrequent and were ranging between 3 minutes to 6 minutes apart and at times 8 minutes. The stillness of the night with the familiarity of the relaxation scripts and positive affirmations on the Freya app were soothing.

I decided to wake my partner up at 2am so that he could begin getting the birthing pool ready and laying out the plastic matting, candles etc. At this point we were both prepared for things to drag out and to be up all night so I had suggested that once everything was prepped maybe he could go back to bed so that at least one of us could get some rest.

By 3am the surges had ramped up and I found comfort in sitting on my birth ball and leaning over a stool with the tens machine on my back and holding a hot water bottle on my lower abdomen. My partner would increase the settings on the tens machine when the surge began and was stroking my arm and my hair throughout for comfort. It felt like a very intimate time.

At 4am my surges were coming every 3-5 minutes and Freya was saying that now would be a good time to call my midwife. We had been told multiple times by the midwives that we shouldn’t call until the surges are 3 within 10 minutes lasting at least 45 seconds. Not wanting to waste anyone’s time, we waited another half hour before calling at 4:30. I felt pretty confident that we were in established labour and that this was it. My partner called and was told that “The homebirth team were currently out at another homebirth and unavailable to come to us but given that I am a first time Mum; it’s likely that I am HOURS AWAY from birth and they wouldn’t look to send anyone out for another few hours at least.” The midwife then asked to speak to me (mid surge which wasn’t great!) and after timing one surge she told me that I still had a while to go so I can either go into the hospital or sit tight until the homebirth team are done at their current birth. I felt absolute rage at this woman for telling me that I was not established because it certainly felt like it to me. The next surge came along, and I quickly let go of my rage and focused on my breathing again.

Because we had been told I was hours away, we held off filling the pool and instead I got into the bath. The bath bought incredible relief, my entire focus was on my breath and when I wasn’t experiencing a surge my partner was giving me light touch massage which not only made me feel calm but also that we were connected, like we were working through the surges together. At first, I was on my side throughout the surges but as they intensified, I began to turn onto all fours, leaning over the bath (UFO).

At 5:30 we decided we should start filling the pool so that I could have more space to move around. I was beginning to feel restricted in the bath and as the surges were coming stronger and faster together it was becoming more difficult to move onto all fours quickly.

Between 5:30 – 6:00am my surges were consistently every 3 minutes and I found the “in for 4 out for 8” breathing rhythm too difficult to keep up with so we adjusted to “in for 3 and out for 6” which was more manageable. At one point I could feel myself beginning to pant and lose focus but was bought back when I heard gentle encouragement from my partner telling me I was doing really well. I dug deep and began to focus on the positive affirmation “My surges cannot be stronger than me, because they are me”. My ancestors in NZ were warriors so at this point I was telling myself that I come from a long line of warriors and that I could do this!

By 6am I was having surges every 2 minutes and I could feel baby was there, I told my partner that he needs to call the midwife now because I could feel baby. When he had a look, he said that it looked like a bag of water.

At 6:09 he called the midwife - the reception in our house isn’t very good so he had to leave the room to do so.

I could feel the water sack there and I panicked. I had no idea if we should pop it or if it would come out on its own, so in my distress I pushed which I soon found out was unnecessary because the waters burst with the next surge and I could feel baby’s head. In the meantime, the midwife had sent my partner back into the bathroom to ask/ tell me not to push! I was so focused on my breathing; I took no notice but even if I had there was nothing I could do about it because my body was doing all the work and I was just breathing. One more surge and baby came out in the bath, I scooped him up and held him to my chest. He cried right away and began searching for food. When my partner walked back in at 6:15, I had our healthy baby boy in my arms. Within the 6 minutes that he was out of the room trying to get a midwife to our house, I had birthed our son.

I let out the bathwater and my partner wrapped a towel around our baby boy before calling the paramedics who arrived within 10 minutes. It was a welcome relief when 3 paramedics arrived and we didn’t have to make any decisions about what needed to happen next, we could just bask in the fact that we had our lovely baby in our arms.

During the 10-minute wait for the paramedics the cord had gone white so once they had established that baby and I were fine, my partner was able to cut the cord.

We waited 45 minutes for my placenta to make its way out but ended up being transferred to hospital as the midwives were nowhere to be seen. The paramedics and the hospital staff were incredible, everyone was so kind and made us feel like we were in the best hands. I did need to have stitches, but I feel like this was mostly down to the fact that I panic pushed when I felt the waters. Once we had been checked over, we then made our way home to rest and be together in our little love bubble.

Although my birth didn’t happen the way I had visualised and the only part of the birth that went to plan was that I had a homebirth; I trusted my body to do what it needed to do; and I breathed my baby out, I still feel incredibly positive that we had the best birth possible to us under the circumstances.

Thank you to the PBC for the tools and knowledge we gained from the course which allowed my partner and I to feel confident that birth can be a natural and beautiful experience (even if it is your first time).