Birth story - Jo and baby Hugo

I had always been terrified of the thought of giving birth and I suffer from panic attack’s and anxiety. I started researching hypnobirthing when I fell pregnant and signed up for a local course. I brought the positive birth company book and downloaded the Freya app too. I then began practicing at home daily especially in for the last trimester.

I had a great pregnancy despite getting gestational diabetes at 27 weeks. I made it my mission to control it by diet alone and my readings very rarely went over. Therefore my diabetic midwife was happy for me to go term plus 6. There had been talks of induction at 37/38 weeks but a growth scan had confirmed he was not too big and doing well. My due date came and went, it was New Years Eve and I remember thinking this is when he can come from not the deadline.

Our Hypnobirthing training encouraged us to use the BRAIN algorithm. The next week I had two sweeps, me and my husband had used our B.R.A.I.N (Benefit, Risks, Alternative, Instinct, Nothing) we were offered them from 38 weeks but decided not to until I was 40 weeks. The first one was encouraging and I had slight twinges the second one was positive and my cervix has changed and was 1-2cm dilated this was also enough to get things moving forward and my mucus show came out the following day. I was excited at this point thinking it’s not long and my body was doing this and it could start over the weekend!! My husband and I spent the next few days walking and resting as we knew we would need our energy.

I was getting nervous as it was now Sunday evening and I was due to go to hospital on the Monday to be induced. My husband and I again had used our BRAIN and decided that maybe if we had an examination we could determined whether things were happening and to hold off induction for another 24hrs. As long as baby was happy and my checks were all ok. However as I got into bed Sunday night disaster struck! I had what felt like a bigger contraction and my body panicked! My mind went out of control and I had a huge panic attack lasting all night! I just couldn’t do this! I tried everything to get myself calm and in control but couldn’t and was then getting worried about the baby and also knew that this would stop all contractions!! My worse nightmare was happening and at this point thought that all my hard hypnobirthing work was worthless!

At 5am I decided to have a bath and get myself in the zone! I put Freya on and managed to keep the panic attack at bay but I was on edge. My contractions came back every 10 minutes. I called the hospital at 7.30am as that’s what we had to do for induction and they would call me back later. Luckily the midwife who taught us the hypnobirthing course was working and we went over and had a chat with her. This was just what I needed and such a relief to see her! After using our BRAIN we decided that I had actually calmed down a lot since arriving at hospital and we would stay there as this was clearly my safe place. We had visited the hospital a lot and knew a lot of the midwives which was so reassuring. We had an induction balloon fitted and this got the contractions going. I fitted the TENS machine as had been told that it worked better putting it on as early as possible and started my up breathing. 

By the evening however things had slowed down, this was disheartening and I knew that if things didn’t happen I was on a pathway of more intervention. I originally wanted a water birth in the birth centre which is across the corridor to the labour ward. I knew this was now unlikely but didn’t let that bother me. At midnight the balloon was going to be removed however as the labour ward was busy they said it would be done in the morning. I felt relief and managed to get some sleep! 

We then went up in the morning and my contractions had returned! They took the balloon out and baby was monitored I then had to stay upright and mobile for half an hour. The next decision was to have my waters broken. We went ahead but I was starving and wanted a shower so the midwife was happy for us to go off for a bit and when we came back we would start the syntocinon drip. After we had a big breakfast we walked back to our labour room I noticed I needed the loo and whilst I was in the loo my contractions were more powerful and they were coming quicker. I started my up breathing and used the TENS machine. I managed to get back to the room and immediately put the candles on, lights off, blinds down and Freya went on.

The midwife was brilliant and said we won’t be needing the drip!! She wanted to examine me at 1.30pm, so I got into my zone and rhythm. Jay, my husband, was absolutely amazing and knew what to do. Massaging my back and switching the Freya app to counting when a contraction come on. In between contractions I tried to drink, apply cooling face spray and smell my flannel with lavender oil. 

By 1.30pm I was examined and was 4cm! I jumped off the bed as couldn’t handle being on my back! I carried on moving and swaying and used the TENS machine for each contraction. They were coming thick and fast and before I knew it I was getting vibes I couldn’t keep going I didn’t say anything but when offered gas and air I said yes! This helped a lot and kept me focused on my breathing and continued doing what I had done before. I had two paracetamol as it was becoming more and more powerful and I was getting exhausted! I just kept going and visualised my baby moving and my uterus doing its job! Baby was happy and heart rate was calm and the midwife kept saying how happy he or she was.

I then felt the need to squat and wanted the toilet the midwife put gas and air in the toilet and whilst I sat on the loo I felt a break and pause! The transition I thought!!! Already!!!? Then came a feeling like no other and the need to push!!! I leant on my husband and he was amazing getting me to still focus on my breathing and doing it with me. I don’t remember changing my breathing and kept using my up breathing but pushing on the out breath. The midwife quickly realised things had progressed and got things ready. I could have got into the pool but did not want to take the TENS machine off or change my flow! I thought this is working so just keep going!

Jay’s Mum is a highly experienced midwife and she was another birthing partner, she had arrived and she was amazing! I knew I was in extra safe hands and she would do anything she could to look after me! I kneeled up on the bed and started moving with each contraction downwards. I kept focused and they started to say they could see a head! I kept visualising my baby moving down and my husband had a look and came back crying!! Our baby is nearly here!!!! I used every last bit of energy I had to keep pushing but also pausing when the midwife said so I did not tear.

Before I knew it at 5.58pm our baby was born!!! It was the most amazing feeling and Jays Mum delivered and passed my baby through my legs! This was the best gift I could give her delivering her first grandson and something that we had talked about and if it was possible for her to do it then do it! We looked down and we had a beautiful baby boy!!! The relief I had done it was amazing and so empowering!! I felt like superwoman!! 

I had just given birth to my baby and not had a panic attack the whole time I was in labour!! We had delayed cord clamping and active management to deliver the placenta-I was too worried about haemorrhaging and had asked in my birth plan to go ahead with the oxytocin injection. We then had skin to skin and we both couldn’t believe he was finally here! I did have a small 2nd degree vaginal tear but the midwife was able to stitch it and within half an hour it was all done and Jay could enjoy skin to skin. Then we could have some tea and toast and more skin to skin. Finally carbs after months of being on a low carb diet! 

I then strangely had a panic attack afterwards but I think it was more exhaustion and disbelief that I had done it! I got the Freya app back on and did my up breathing and soon felt better! 

I cannot thank the positive birthing company and hypnatal hypnobirthing and the amazing midwifes that helped me get through the most important day of my life! I am still in shock and amazement that I did it! It works and you don’t even realise it!! All the time it was in my subconscious mind ready to take over and get me through I just had to listen to my body and let it do its thing! Our little man Hugo is super chilled and I do believe that as a hypno baby this has made him more chilled and content! I have told everyone about hypnobirthing and it really does work!! I will always use it for my panic attacks and in stressful situations and be keeping the Freya app and the relaxation mp3’s whenever I need to switch off!