Birth story - Jessica and baby Aubrey

*Trigger warning* - Forceps, episiotomy and blood loss, plus use of the word ‘contraction’ and a photo of epidural being administered.

So my little girl arrived on the Monday, but on the Friday prior, I noticed my waters very gradually starting to go, with more slowly trickling out over the weekend, so on Sunday we went up to the hospital to ensure everything was ok, especially as I wasn’t feeling any twinges or anything at that point 🤷🏼‍♀️

Baby girl was all fine upon checking on the monitor and after an examination and test, it was confirmed that my waters were indeed ‘going’. The midwife then said, very matter-of-fact, “ok so we’ll keep you in and begin induction”. I began to panic as having any intervention at this point wasn’t even in my thought process, nor something I wanted to happen. Thankfully, I remembered my BRAIN tool and discovered there was the teeny tiniest chance of infection if my waters went but established labour hadn’t then begun soon after. The midwife brought the doctor in and we agreed that I would be back in the following morning at 8am to be induced if nothing had begun. Even with this news, I was disheartened but also didn’t want to increase the risk potential as they advise an induction within 24 hours after waters going, let alone the 72 hours that had passed since I first noticed. I felt a lot more in control and prepared, and so we went home and proceeded to try every trick in the book to encourage contractions 🍆

1AM on Monday morning I woke and felt twinges, I could’ve cried with joy but they still weren’t strong enough to warrant waking hubby, so I went back to sleep. 4AM came and I woke again, this time I knew I wasn’t going to get back to sleep and so I woke hubby up and got my Freya app open, I was pleased that I was in established labour and got my TENS machine on whilst having some tea and toast in bed. We then very leisurely got ourselves together and headed to the hospital for 8am as planned. We were on time - I’m never on time! Our midwife and her understudy greeted us to take us in to a delivery suite room and I don’t think I’ve ever been quite so smug when, in response to her telling me I couldn’t have a room with a pool because I was to be induced, I replied “nope, I will not need to be induced, I’m having contractions” followed by a giant grin 😁

I was 5cm dilated! Wow, I thought, I was so pleased in that moment that I’d gotten myself to this point using the app and TENS machine and just feeling like I was so in control and nailing it. Whilst being examined, my midwife then casually said, “you still have some of your waters so I’m going to use a small hook to break the sack, the baby may get a slight scratch on the top of her head, ok?” THIS. This is the moment I again wished I paused and used my knowledge to question further, but I didn’t, I was so overjoyed by not being induced and getting myself to 5cm that I didn’t see this as a concern, I didn’t see it as an intervention and it’s the part of my birth I felt uneasy about for some time before I felt in a stronger mental state to accept it for what it is and to focus on the many positives I got to experience 🧘🏼‍♀️

I did lose my self awareness and control over the next few hours, the surge of ramped up contractions that hit me all at once after having my waters hooked, threw me off my wonderful path I’d been on. I did manage to have some time in the pool, but the rest became a blur and fast forward through plenty of gas & air and morphine later, I was 10cm dilated and falling asleep in between contractions. I had been there for an hour at 10cm and pushing, but I was struggling to get my little girl any closer to being in my arms.

I then had the doctor come in to examine me but he couldn’t complete his examination due to the discomfort I was in, so he very quickly said to get me down to theatre. There was some tension in the room with my midwife as she clearly didn’t approve and wanted him to examine me fully, but the doctor was already talking to me and my husband about getting me in for an epidural and getting the baby out, explaining that if agreed, someone would come by with some forms to sign shortly. Somehow time slowed and I remember all this so vividly, I paused if only for a minute and looked to my husband to decide what we felt was best.

Although it wasn’t going to be the natural birth I had thought of, I felt confident in that moment that choosing to have the epidural would almost ground me again and provide me with the chance to be more present in the birth of my baby girl. By this time it must’ve been around 4pm ish and once in theatre, all of the doctors and specialists introduced themselves and very carefully explained each step and talked me through what was happening at all times.

I felt so much more relaxed and my husband was by my side the entire time. At 5:03pm my baby girl was delivered on to my chest via forceps. Either she’s stubborn like her mother and didn’t want to come out or I simply didn’t have the pushing power, but I was just so glad to hold her 👶🏻

I hadn’t realised until later that I had an episiotomy, my placenta had ruptured slightly and that I’d lost a significant amount of blood, 1.3 litres, which did affect me for some time after the birth with breastfeeding and feeling weak, but all is now well and I’m still breastfeeding alongside weaning 🐷

We’ve had an amazing 7.5 months with our beautiful little Aubrey Olive Minnie, filled with plenty of ups and downs. It’s taken time to find my feet with becoming a mummy and discovering my new self, which I guess is why I now feel ready to share my story, as I hope it’ll also be that last little bit of closure with my birth story that I needed, just by typing it out, so that I can see all the positives that I gained and how they outweigh anything I may have felt uneasy about…

• I avoided induction through using my BRAIN tool ✅

• I got myself to 5cm dialited fairly easily (yes I will proudly brag about that one) ✅

• I felt empowered to make the right decision for me and my baby at a difficult time ✅

• My baby arrived safely and is happy and healthy ✅

Thank you 🫶🏼