Birth story - Jagvinder and baby Nyla

*Trigger warning* - : 3rd degree tear

Thank you so much for sharing your positive birth stories. My husband and I learned so much in preparation for our daughter’s birth. Being armed with this knowledge made ours a very positive birth story!

My pregnancy journey was pretty good to me. I was very slender throughout, the baby measured small a couple of times and was tucked in transverse up until 36 weeks. At the beginning I was very active with running and swimming, and walking and yoga throughout until the very end. The fatigue hit me mostly but up until 7 months, I experienced braxton hicks after every meal. My tummy turned into a solid conker and I was just so hungry with my eyes! I missed food and my new hobby was reading through menus! We traveled around Italy at our halfway point and it was here our first little kicks were felt. Coming towards the end, all was focused on getting the baby to turn. I tried spinningbabies, various inverted positions, and coming from a background in holistic medicine, even a little bit of moxibustion. She managed to turn and the next plan was aiming for that spontaneous labor.

As we crept over the due date, I was eager every day for my baby to come. I felt she would come early and outgrow her little home but she obviously was very comfortable in there putting on the extra weight. I tried lots of things to naturally induce myself from 37 weeks. As a routine, I was harvesting colostrum milk in syringes, whilst inhaling clary sage essential oil from the diffuser. I ate dates in the morning, drank raspberry loose leaf tea in the evening. I repeatedly listened to birthing affirmations to re-enforce my positive mindset. As the days were stretchinging and getting longer, the thoughts of fear were slowly creeping in. It was time for the big guns, and the spicy curries were coming out! Our home birthing pool was on standby however, we were told, due to limited staff in Nottingham’s team, their operating hours were only between 8am-8pm. Hmmmm, if only the baby knew of that! I had a sweep booked in for the morning of the 23rd November, but I knew I would decline this offer. I was getting frustrated. A friend advised me to slow it all down and bring down the expectation, as the more that I pushed for things, the more I was stressing out when they didn’t happen. So basically chill the bob down. This was the best advice and really helped me through!

The early hours of the 21st November, 12am on Sunday/Monday I definitely started to experience some cramps. I could manage them but they were intermittent. With my waters not broken, I didn’t think much of it. They continued throughout the night and into the morning of Monday but I was able to snuggle next to my husband and drift off to sleep. Throughout the day of Monday, they were present and irregular like mild period cramps. With no braxton hicks at this stage I didn't think that I was in labor. We had another casual day and my husband, James, massaged my feet with the clary sage oil, which surprisingly eased off my cramps. He suggested we keep busy and build up the oxytocin vibes by getting out the Christmas decorations. It was a brilliant distraction. I was uncomfortable and on the floor of the lounge, swapping between the bean bag, meditation cushion, and birth ball with James giving me plenty of rib rubs. My phone was completely off as I was being bombarded with messages of people checking in and if the baby was here but at the time it reinforced pressure!

By the evening, I struggled lying down with the cramps, I was waking up and wandering about. It was really awful. I had my knees on the bean bag and lent forward over a pile of pillows against the sofa and tried to rest upright. Little did I know then, that I was in fact laboring. The surges were coming thick and fast and I had my meditations on to regulate my breathing. As James soothed me the surges calmed right back down again.

Tuesday morning arrived and I knew something was definitely happening, so we called the midwife for further advice. She explained that we were in early labor and doing all the right things. Every time I was going to the toilet my mucus plug was very slowly coming out. James encouraged us to go to the cinema as another distraction. I knew I would not be able to cope with that. When the surges came, I would squeeze into a stress ball and exhale and release as it left. I could not leave without my little pink ball. He watched me go through each surge, and I told him the way forward was to not touch or comfort me at all and just let me ride through them on my own. I couldn't talk through them nor be spoken to during them so I would shout ‘SURGE!’ and then he knew I was out for a quick sec.

So with the cinema idea off, James took me to Sainburys instead, it was a real push! I held onto the trolley and the pink stress ball in my other hand. We walked up every aisle and in doing so I experienced a surge in every single one! It was ramping up and there was no way of hiding it in public. We plodded along and James was collecting all sorts of easy foods for the trolley. He did so good, we both did, I can't believe that we were doing this! A lady looked and asked if I was ok, and later near the checkout when I saw her again I told her that I was in labor and she wished me good luck!

In the afternoon, the Christmas decorations were put up. After another foot massage, we definitely noticed the surges calming down, as at this point we were using the Freya app. At 5.30pm, it was time for one last hoorah! James had the “labor set” left to play on the DJ decks in the kitchen and this was the final dance off. The pool was inflated and rolled up against the wall just in case and we danced and cried together one last time celebrating the two of us. It was intense. I would hobble back to the dining table to lean over and have my surge whilst squeezing into my ball. I put up my birthing affirmations with bluetack on the kitchen units and read each one. I was calm, in love, in a lot of discomfort and carried on. We held hands, embraced and bopped this baby down!

James tried offering little spoonfuls of food to me. To keep the energy up, we drank plenty of lucozade. Afterwards, we called James’s mum, Bel, who was ready, on standby. I was so pleased things were getting organized. I suggested we find out how we were supposed to be managing these surges as it seemed whenever my husband would comfort me the surges would slow down, otherwise left alone they would ramp up. But did we not want his hands on me to keep the oxytocin flowing?! So we rang James’s sister, Becky, to clarify.

It was after 8pm. I was tucked into the bed with a million pillows trying to have another night sleeping through this but I could feel the surges getting intense and shouted to my husband to “GET ME OUT! GET ME OUT!”

I needed to be upright now. I felt like I was going to be sick and ran to the bathroom but was ok. I told Becky that I could feel these surges in my bum, and they are coming man! She was so pleased and happy and explained that this baby was coming soon, if not, first thing in the morning. I was just ready now and really tired. She advised to lower the expectation of going to bed, and get up, get out and get walking!

We needed these surges to ramp up. So with the new plan, it was game face time! James rested and I was now hunched over the birth ball on the floor at the edge of the bed with the blanket over my shoulders listening to more affirmations and meditations. I managed an hour and a half on my own and felt that not only were the surges getting more intense but they had to be 3 in 10 minutes. I woke him up and timed my surges again, and twice we had 3 surges in 10 minutes. So, we abandoned our home birth and were heading straight for the hospital. Bags were collected, sandwiches were made, he rang the midwife to have my pool ready! She insisted we make our way to the maternity triage first and then take it from there. I had saved the numbers in my husband's phone the day before. We knew exactly what we were doing. It took us about 15 minutes, and we were out by 10.45pm. Mask on!

Yep, It was one of the best things I did. I popped my eye mask on right away in the car to block out the environment and focus on just my breath. I remember having one more surge on the outside wall of the front garden just as we weft the house. A stranger walked by with his dog, and I was in my gown, poncho, pjs and boots with a messy up do and an eye mask hanging half off my forehead, clutching to the wall. And so the journey began and I remained in focus. The surges slowed down in the car, slightly, very weird. The journey was calm and we made our way safely. Just after 11pm, we entered the triage. I was unable to speak through a surge but able to in between the break for the next one. James took the lead with communication.

I was asked if my waters had broken, not that I knew of?! And if I had a pad on, still no because my waters had not broken, not even a trickle. I lifted up my eye mask intermittently to see where I was going but the majority of the time kept it down, even when speaking to the nurses. I was sent to the nearby toilet to pop a pad on. We moved to a booth in the triage room. I stayed under my mask as another nurse approached. She wanted to check the baby's heart rate and recommended we monitor it for half an hour as a precaution, being our first baby, long labor and overdue. We used our B.R.A.I.N, and decided to go ahead. Everything now had to be super quick as I could not talk barely between surges. I was attached to a machine with a velcro strap around my belly. Somebody quickly popped it on and I kneeled at the side of the bed with my elbows on the bed in prayer position.

Being oblivious to my environment kept me in my own zone. After about 15 minutes I needed to stand up. I would keep asking my husband, “How long?” And then, very dramatically after a surge, it went POP!... and I felt a huge splash of warm water fall out of me all at once! It must have gone everywhere. I felt it on my feet, in my trousers. It scared me a little as it was unexpected and I was now standing in a puddle in a booth in the middle of triage. I shouted for help from under my mask. The nurses came in and took charge from underneath, and I was freed from the machines. She asked if she could check how far I was dilated, and said that it would only be for a quick second. I really didn't want to but something inside me just said quickly lets go and I jumped on the bed for a hot second. It did literally take a second and she said that I was 8cm and that she could feel a head with very little hair!

James took care of my dignity and popped my gown back on. The plan next was to the labor room as the nurse requested a wheelchair. I was like, “I’m all good, let's go, I shall walk, just guide me and let me go if there is a surge!”

Me and the midwife, Sophie, marched down, our arms interlocked, and my eye mask half up and down so that I had some awareness. There was some peak at the clock at one point but it was 11:50pm which meant I had missed out on giving birth on 22.11.22, but ah well Jag. Sophie said to me "You just want to birth this baby don’t you?” and I was like "Yup!”

…and then, we had arrived, into the birth room! The mask was thrown off, we were in a safe zone. Clothes were off, I was getting into my skin, and James put my bikini top on me. The room was lit with purple led lights, dimly lit throughout. I could see the biggest bath for me and I was so happy inside. I felt safe, in control and that was the most reassuring thing. James rang Bel whilst the bath was running and I jumped in.

The pool was lovely, it felt great and I was doing my thing. I had free reign to do what I wanted. Sophie gave me space and did not bother me. Every 15 minutes with a doppler she would intervene to check the baby's heart rate. In no time, Bel was even here too, and came into the room. My two birth partners were together and beside me, making me feel safe!

It seemed like forever to Bel and James as they watched on like an audience, mum occasionally sneaking some vids and pics. I altered positions in the bath, being upright, forward and open, squatting, and on all fours. The water would get cold in the pool, and James or Sophie would occasionally keep draining it and topping it back up again with hot water. There was no time to chomp or eat in between surges, just plenty of fluid. I was completely occupied with breathing. As my eyes got droopy, Sophie suggested some stimulating citrous essential oils. It helped, Bel was doing this on a little piece of paper under my nose. At some stages, my body would just start to maneuver itself and it would shake me up. It felt weird.

Sophie suggested that I empty my bladder and sit on the toilet. Nothing came out but I could definitely feel more pressure from the baby. She recommended the birthing stool. Having the surges sitting down felt manageable. It was definitely transition time! The light was shining from below, and Sophie was now using the mirror constantly underneath. She could feel the head and see this now, James too. Hearing that we were so close, I knew I could do this! I felt the head coming through and the burning sensations. I did this as slowly as possible and was attentive with Sophie. She showed me how to bear down and push into my bum, around 2-3 pushes the baby’s head slowly peeped out. She was hanging out squealing away. It was the funniest thing and had us all smiling and laughing. Oh it was unreal man. I still did not believe she would be in my arms any minute now. The surges were controllable and I kept asking Sophie what I should be doing. She was fantastic and James constantly reassured me too! Then, with one mighty last push, my baby’s body came out with a little gush. She was warm as, and placed straight up into my arms. Sophie reassured everything was absolutely ok and all very normal. I had no idea what was running through my brain, just that WE DID IT!

James knew exactly what to do next. He got behind me and quickly opened my bikini top so that the baby could feed, and the golden hour could begin. My birth partners took care of the cord delay whilst Nyla latched on straight away for her first feed. She was a champion in my arms and had a good 45 minute feed. We were all too tired to take it all in as our daughter came into this world at 3.21am! I didn't even notice the tear situation which was later discovered to be a third degree. In later recovery, I assumed it may have been by the way the baby was positioned when she came out. Sophie also told me a white lie and explained afterwards that I was in fact 9.5cm dilated when I arrived in triage but didn't want to throw me off! We women are so capable!

I am very lucky that mum captured it all on video to cherish. It was absolutely epic! This experience was even more special because throughout the whole way it felt like my husband and I were birthing our little girl together!

By sharing this intimate experience, I hope it helps you in some way.

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