Birth story - Izzie and baby Felix

*Possible triggers* - Use of word contractions, second degree tear

Excited to get a chance to put my story in here, finally getting around to it now Felix is 4 weeks old. I'm so grateful to everyone else for posting theirs. I read them obsessively in the lead up to Felix's birth. I also really wanted to find first time mum home birth stories and couldn't find many, so I hope this can give some inspiration to someone.

Quick prelude: My partner Jules carried our first son who is going to be 3 in November. He was 9 pounds, she was 40 years old, first baby, and had a very fast, very positive home birth with him. In fact our midwife didn't even arrive until 10 minutes after he was born! Between that and witnessing another positive home birth many years ago, I knew I wanted to aim for the same if pregnancy went well..

Pregnancy: in short it went smoothly. Nausea first trimester, some restless legs, cramping and itchiness throughout tri 2 and 3 and some pelvic pain right at the end. I kept fit enough walking the dog throughout until the day of labour, and some prenatal yoga too.

Birth: On the night of the 1st August (2 days before birth), I had a feeling something was going to happen. Had been getting a few days of very consistent strong Braxton Hicks tightenings and then late in the evening had a tiny bit of bloody show. I woke up about 1am flooded with warm loving feelings and am sure it was a surge of oxytocin. Woke again at 2am with my first contractions, felt in my back. I got a bit excited and couldn't sleep again after that. They came every 15-30 mins for the next few hours. When I got up, had the classic bowel clear out. Pretty excitedly told my partner something was starting to happen! She took our son to his daycare and I went for a little walk with the dog, and phoned my dear friend who we had hoped could come for the birth. She lives a 7 hour drive away so we knew it might not happen. But as soon as I phoned and let her know things were starting, she dropped everything and drove straight up north! I spent the morning contacting family and had a nice long outside bath in the winter sun.

At about midday I tried making a muka tie for cutting the umbilical cord which I'd been meaning to do for weeks (a traditional style using the fibre from a species of native flax plant, which is a natural antiseptic and helps dry up the cord faster) but the contractions were coming on a bit strong. (My midwife provided one in the end). We opted to go for a short walk and I was stopped every five minutes or so by strong pain in the back. By the time we got back, I had to drop to my knees for each one and just up breathe. I phoned my sister and in a 20 minute call had to stop and drop 4 times for contractions.

My friend arrived around 3 and I felt really emotional seeing her. The timing was perfect as my partner needed to pick up our son. As soon as he was home I realised it would be impossible for him to stay. He's needed me a lot lately, especially near the end of the pregnancy and he couldn't understand why I had to keep stopping and dropping and I couldn't talk which frustrated him. Off he went to a friend's house, and eventually to spend the night with my parents who flew up that evening and stayed with the in-laws. So Jules had to come and go a lot, but between the two of them they organised the house nicely, kept me well fed - I carb loaded big time knowing I'd be needing energy - and each time I dropped with a back pain someone would be there with a hand on my back. I thought I'd want to be pretty much left alone but it was so important to me in the end to have that physical touch right through the labour, as it was like my spine was trying to burst out of my back each time. I was also quite surprised as I had imagined myself bouncing on the birth ball or sitting on the toilet as so many people do in labour, but it was completely impossible for me to do either. The pressure and pain was too big down there for me to sit. Had to be on all fours most of the time or standing.

I actually phoned the midwife around 5:30 to let her know what was happening and strangely had 10 mins with no pains. She thought it could be quite early yet but said she'd come visit to check all was well. She arrived about 8:30 in the evening and annoyingly, the contractions slowed down again then! Well, good but frustrating as she didn't get to witness how intense it had all been and possibly thought I was being a bit of a wuss! I had about 3 milder ones during her visit but could talk through them. But baby heartbeat and my blood pressure were good. She lives 45 minutes drive away but said to ring any time we wanted and she'd be here. The moment she left (same as when I hung up from our phone call) I was floored by an extra powerful back pain!

By about 10pm I tried to rest in bed but was feeling demoralised as I couldn't feel anything at the front so wasn't sure if these were really even contractions, despite the fact they came in waves of increasing then fading intensity. Apart from the amazing support of my partner and friend, my absolute life saver was up breathing and staying calm and as relaxed as possible. The pain was so profound, and I had no control over when they would come or how strong they were, but I had my own job to do which was the breathing and the staying relaxed. That gave me a focus.

I had a wobble and a cry around the time I tried to go to bed, wondering if I was even at the starting line of 'real' labour yet! Soon I started having to vocalise with each contraction to get through it - focusing on keeping a very low deep sound. By now sitting or walking would bring on really really powerful pains - going to the toilet was a huge challenge. Jules and my friend decided at about midnight it would be a good idea to start filling the birth pool. I was too out of it to make decisions. Just so long as someone was there with hands or a hot water bottle every 3-6 minutes when a contraction hit!

I'm a bit hazy after this. I know at one point I asked for a bucket to puke in but only dry retched. At about 2am I climbed into the pool and it was amazing. Suddenly I was buoyant enough to sit on my bottom, legs out in front of me and arms dangling. I could relax a bit and even though I still had to vocalise through each contraction, I could get through them alone and there was sometimes a slightly longer gap between. Someone put a cool damp towel on my head and I actually drifted to sleep, waking every few minutes for a contraction, then wiping the sweat off my face and drifting off again! We had candles, low light and soft music playing thanks to my support angels.

At 3am I felt a strong pushing urge at the end of a contraction and a LOT of bloody mucus stuff came out of me. We scooped it up into a bucket to show the midwife and the girls decided it was time to ring her! I had been saying not to bother her up until that point, feeling like we had things under control. I think that upbreathing for so long - 24 hours at this point - had put me in a really deep calm meditative state. I think around this time I felt a gush and the 'stuff' we gathered might have been the amniotic sac.

In the time it took for Justine the midwife to arrive, I'd started having more pushing sensations at the end of my contractions. She arrive at 4:15am and entered so gently I barely knew she was there. She set herself up on a stool behind me and my partner later told me she was there breathing along with me, eyes closed, when I was having contractions. She would quietly reach over and check baby's heartbeat every now and then. I was having the uncontrollable urge to push at this point, and it was so primal, so impossible to ignore. I would moo and growl and push at the end of a contraction. I worried though that if I wasn't dilated and they were not productive pushes, I'd never have the energy left to push at the end. So we decided to do a dilation check.

Getting out of the pool was torture! As soon as I lay on my bed I was hit by a contraction that threw me off the bed, onto hands and knees, squashed between the bed and the wall and just pushed away as my body had fully taken over. I managed to leap back on and beg for a very fast check where she found me to be fully dilated apart from a tiny anterior lip. I could feel that my body was doing a bit of a dilation contraction before rolling into pushing each time so it felt like it knew what to do. Again my body flung itself onto the floor to push and I was aware of everyone throwing towels under me in case it happened right there. But I was desperate for the pool so got back in (it was only about 2 metres from the bedroom thank god!) and had another long period of drifting to sleep, then waking to push. Each time Justine reached the doppler down to check the baby's heart, it sounded perfect and calm, and she had to reach slightly lower each time to hear it which was hugely encouraging.

I was exhausted but the urge to push was so powerful! Intense powerful groans were coming out of me each time. Every now and then between things I would just look up and make eye contact with my partner or my friend and it filled me up somehow. Their presence was so steady and wonderful for me. I couldn't feel baby dropping lower but I knew that he was thanks to the heartbeat checks. Before I knew it I felt a bowling ball sized poo pressing against my bum. I've heard all the stories that say it feels like doing a big poo but I still couldn't believe it was the baby! I even said, I don't feel any baby in the birth canal but I'm about to do the world's biggest poo

There was a moment where I really felt him moving down and I heard Justine say we would see him next push. I had my eyes closed and every now and then had changed positions in the pool, from crouching I was now sitting back again. The intensity of the push lifted my bum off the ground and it felt like I pushed without stopping for a couple of minutes as his head came down and out - what a crazy feeling. I felt his head with my hand and remember feeling so relieved it was all nearly over with this stage. Once his head was out I sat there quite content and happy! I knew the next contraction would bring the body so I waited, but his body was wriggling inside and I think his head was twisting around a bit - he had turned from posterior while I was pushing so might have been a bit distressed suddenly - so Justine suggested I stand up.

Jules by now had leapt into the pool with me. I stood up and suddenly whoosh! Felix fell out! Jules and Justine swooped in to catch him but he hit the water and they scooped him out. My dog who had been pretty relaxed until now came racing in and looked like she might jump into the pool to find out what this squalling little creature was that had suddenly appeared!! I felt his little body pressed against my back and could only hear his crying until they managed to pass him under me and I could sit down. Jules and I spent about half an hour, apparently, in there with him. I was a bit in shock, feeling very calm but shocked and weak. I was bleeding a lot, so again, she asked me to stand to help encourage the placenta out, so I stood, holding Felix, and with a cough the placenta fell out.

The back up midwife arrived about now, one who lived near enough to call on, who I hadn't met before. She just stayed long enough to help massage out some amniotic sac that was stuck inside me and help assess the damage! 2 stitches for second degree tear plus grazing. That part wasn't fun but I had my baby and we were all snuggling in bed.

It has been a uniquely challenging experience recovering from a birth like that hitting the ground running with a 2 year old, but his brother Bowie adores him and it's beautiful to witness. We were lucky enough to have parent support for the first 2 weeks but then New Zealand went into full lockdown due to Covid, which we've been in for the last two weeks. But that's another story! Ultimately despite a very long and painful posterior labour, thanks to the safe, familiar, lovely home environment, my amazing support team, and the hypnobirthing skills I had, it was actually a very calm and very positive birth.

I am so impressed on a whole new level with all mamas, especially birth mamas now that I've experienced pregnancy and birth and breastfeeding. Go us!!