Birth story - Holly and baby Harry

Wednesday 13 May
I noticed my discharge was particularly watery, and at teatime I was busy making my labour playlist and bouncing on my ball. I stood up and felt a slight wee sensation that didn't last long but I ran to the loo. I wasn't sure if it was wee or not. But from then I just felt a trickle throughout the evening, so I put on a pad and called the assessment centre. They said to check after an hour to see what the pad was like and it wasn't that wet so they said to just call back if there were any problems. 
 
Thursday 14 May
In the morning my pad was really wet, so after a couple of hours I called again. They said to come in and it was confirmed that it was my hind waters... and because I wasn't feeling any surges the midwife explained that I may have to have an induction to avoid the risk of infection. This obviously upset me so much, but the midwife was so lovely and calmed me down. Without Mark there with me, it was difficult to come to terms with the fact that we may have to intervene. They sent me home to see if I could get labour started naturally, but if I wasn't feeling anything I was to go back that evening at 7pm. We cried. We laughed. We went for a walk around the lake, and just chatted it out. We thought positively about the induction and we knew why it was important. I had a nap. I ate good food. I sat in the sun. But labour didn’t start. 

So I went back that evening, with my birth bag. I felt much better and prepared. When I arrived, they performed a sweep and put the gel in to soften my cervix. I was then left 6 hours. I just spent the time watching IT crowd, eating strawberry laces and bouncing on my ball. I knew at this point that I probably wouldn’t have the water birth I had hoped for so I had a bath and listened to a guided relaxation.  I tried to sleep but couldn't, and then at about 3am they took me up to the labour suite and Mark joined me at 4am. I was so tired. Had no sleep and was hungry. We met our midwife Becky, and we chatted through my birth preferences. 
 
Friday 15 May
When Mark arrived, we set up the room with candles and aromatherapy. He set up my affirmation cards around the room. I put a spa playlist on to chill me out whilst they fitted the cannula (which nearly made me vomit) and attached the monitor. It was wireless so I could still move about. Becky broke my waters and then got me tea and toast so I had some energy before we started. She then started the syntocin drip at 5am. And then we just waited. We chatted with Becky, we watched IT crowd (again), the sun came up, it was super chill. 
 
Our midwife changed at 7am and Becky left without telling me my dilation (my choice) but said she looked forward to meeting our baby when she returned for her shift at 7pm. We then had our new midwife Debbie. She was wonderful from the start. 

I started feeling surges from about 7.30am. We decided to track the surges on the PBC Freya app. They slowly got stronger, and I was in established labour at around 10.30am. I couldn't concentrate on IT crowd anymore, so we went back to the spa music. During this time, I remained as active as I could which was quite difficult being attached to a drip. Debbie was fab and kept adjusting the monitor when I changed positions. She said that she would just go with anything I told her. Gas and air was in the room, but it wouldn’t be touched unless I said so. Anyone who came in the room kept commenting on how calm and relaxing it was. So much so that some midwives took their breaks in the room with us! They were always quiet and respected our environment. 

Soon after it all got quite intense. The surges would last for so long, but I breathed through each one. In for 4, out for 8. I also got through each one with a cold flannel on my face with my lavender and lemongrass spray. I was so hungry, and I wasn't allowed food because of the drip but they let me have an ‘illegal’ sweet. Mark was always on hand with my water bottle. I can't remember when Debbie checked my dilation, but she tested the intensity of the surges and found it was strong. She then told me I was 5cm dilated and she was so pleased with my progress.

So, this went on, the intensity increased. So much so that at one point in a 10-minute period I had 7 minutes of surges. So, they turned the drip down. I listened to my favourite guided relaxation (PBC’s ‘The Journey’). Then it all ramped up again. The light was making me feel sick as the blinds were not the best so Mark and Debbie put some sheets up to soften the brightness. I was really thinking about pain relief, but I just kept telling myself that this is what I wanted, and I just needed to keep going. Riding the wave. By the time I battled it out in my head, another half an hour had passed so I just kept breathing and moving about.

I then got down on the floor on my yoga mat and everything started changing. Debbie just left me to it and listened to the changes. Mark was knelt next to me, holding my hand. No one ever checked how dilated I was. No one ever offered me any pain relief. I was making noise at this point. Probably around 3.30pm. I was so tired. I could not concentrate on the surges properly as my legs were so shaky and also were sliding apart so I kept having to bring them in. I was certain I could feel his head and Debbie was down on the floor with me with towels. But when she checked, he wasn’t as far down as I expected. 

Then my wobble started. I kept telling Mark I couldn't do it. I was doubting myself, asking if I was doing it right. This continued so Debbie suggested for me to sit on the bed in an upright position. She then asked me to direct the surges into my bum. This went on for ages in my head. I was getting so tired and couldn't concentrate again. But I kept telling myself that we were going to meet our baby soon. 

It was then that the baby’s heart rate started dropping, and mine started soaring. Debbie said that she knew I didn't want to be coached to push but the baby needed to come. So she helped me and had my leg in her hand telling me to push against her. It knackered me out. But Mark was there next to me, reminding me of all the amazing affirmations I had written.

Mark was then told to push the call button and suddenly there were around 5 midwives and 3 doctors in the room. I could hear chaos but kept concentrating on what Mark was telling me. I couldn't help listening to everyone as no one was being quiet anymore. It was then clear that if Harry didn't come soon that they were going to give me a bit of help (episiotomy and ventouse). My legs were put up in stirrups, I had people putting stuff in my cannula. Just quite dramatic. With that in mind, I really tried to focus. The doctor was explaining everything between surges, and I knew the assisted birth was going to happen if I didn’t just push through the pain. Debbie told me to keep going. The penultimate surge didn’t go well and I just moaned through the ring of fire pain. Then the doctor was in front of me, ready to make the cut. However, I then had a surge (and I knew it was going to be my final surge)… I shouted ‘Debbie, help me’, she swooped in and pushed the doctor out the way. I pushed the hardest I could and he came out!! It was 4.29pm. Little Harry. 

I remember he was so blue, but they put him on my chest straightaway. They waited to cut the cord, and then Mark was told to make the cut (which he found stressful as he was given such a tiny space to put the scissors!). Debbie said I couldn’t wait for the placenta naturally so had the injection. My drip was ramped up again. It came out after 10 mins. I was just holding Harry and staring at him. It didn’t feel real!  I was then told I had a 2nd degree tear of my perineum and 2 small grazes. The midwives were struggling to piece my tear back together so the registrar came in. It actually made me laugh watching them discuss how to piece me back together. It was pretty painful and the anaesthetic injection was SO horrible. Once they were done, we were left to take it all in. I was brought tea and toast. It was lovely. I felt so amazed that we’d done it. Time just went by and my spa playlist kept on playing. Debbie got my birth preferences out and we went through it all. We discussed what went how we wanted, and why things didn’t. She made me feel so positive about our birth, and although it wasn’t everything I had imagined… it was still a wonderful experience.  Then Becky came back for her shift at 7pm, and she was so pleased everything had gone well. But I felt like an empty shell, and I was so tired. They made me drink lots of water and kept bringing me food. They said that Harry would need to be monitored for 12 hours from birth so I had to go down to the ward, without Mark. I was so scared. Our brains were piles of mush. We couldn’t remember how to do anything.  But we got everything together and went down to the ward door. It was heartbreaking watching Mark leave. But I went off and was placed on a ward with Harry. The first night was crazy, I was in pain and felt so lost. But I got through it. The midwives and care assistants were fabulous. They stayed up with me when I was struggling to feed him. They were so positive.

Monday 18 May

I was discharged the following Monday after improving feeding. It was amazing to see Mark again. We just sat in the car and cried. Baby blues had kicked in but we were so happy to finally be together as a family.  

Looking back now, although I didn’t get my spontaneous labour or my water birth, this still was such positive experience and I would do it all over again. As no matter what happened, we were going to meet Harry… and that made all the difference.