Birth story - Catherine and baby boy

Warnings: mention of difficult first birth, poor mental health, forceps, episiotomy

My first pregnancy was very straightforward and I went into birth relaxed and open minded, wanting to trust the professionals. I didn't have any strong opinions about how I wanted the birth to go. I had 36 hours of labour that involved diamorphine, an epidural, back to back baby and ended in an unplanned c section after getting to 9.5cm. I later developed an infection so went back in hospital.

Physically, I was back on form after a few weeks. However, having never suffered from poor mental health before, I struggled a lot mentally. I had post natal depression and OCD. I had feelings of guilt, failure and fear. I think a lot of this was due to being uninformed about labour and birth. The more I learned post birth the more I realised that birth doesn't have to be something that happens to you but something you can own, no matter how it turns out! This was the key message I took from the PBC digital pack.

When we found out I was pregnant again I wasn't concerned about the birth, but I was worried I would have a negative mental reaction to it again. I completed the PBC pack early on. I felt much more informed and in control. I also received excellent support for my mental health (all hail the NHS!). I found the breathing techniques really useful if I had any intrusive thoughts; bonus!

I took a long time over my birth preferences, and also made sure to prepare myself for things not going to plan. I tried raspberry leaf tea, perineal massage, dates, clary sage baths and colostrum harvesting. I've no idea if they do anything but it was nice to feel like I was doing positive things to get things moving in the right direction!

The days leading up to due date I went from being super positive to being so grumpy and moany I struggled with the lack of control over when our wee man would arrive. I could also tell baby was back to back again which made me worried things would turn out the same this time. I declined a sweep at the 40 week appointment, and I'm glad I trusted my instincts.

At 40+2 I woke up at 5am with mild surges. They built throughout the day and I used a tens machine, up breathing and the Freya app. All godsends! By 3pm I felt I needed to go into hospital as it is a 30-40 min journey which I was dreading. Turns out there was nothing to fear! I used bluetooth headband headphones and closed my eyes and was in a total zone the whole way.

On arrival I was 3cm. We stayed in a room in triage for a bit then we were transferred to labour ward. I hopped in the birth pool for a wee while with continuous monitoring. This really helped with the strength of surges but I soon felt my body pushing and things ramped up another notch. Gas and air to the rescue!

Just like my first wee boy, this guy was back to back and wasn't getting the memo to turn. My body was involuntarily pushing, I sounded like something from the pit of hell and baby's heart rate was dipping with surges.

Luckily this time I had got to 10cm so we popped off to the theatre. I was really proud I had made it that far with just up breathing, gas and air and tens machine.

One divine spinal block later and I could finally have a chat with the midwife! I had been in my own wee world until then. The atmosphere in theatre was lovely and chilled. The doctor was able to turn baby and a few coached pushes later he was out at 8.30pm! My husband had a look at his head poking out and his reaction was "holy shit!".

Things I have learned:

- Some things cannot be controlled. Babies have minds of their own! It's not a reflection on you.

- Your body is capable of incredible things. After a back to back labour last time I am amazed how far I got this time without the meds. Trust your body!

- If something doesn't feel right mentally, ask for help as soon as you are able. Brains are weird and wonderful things. Sometimes they malfunction. But they are also so powerful. I am so proud of how I was able to use my mind to unlock what my body was capable of.