Birth story - Bianca and baby Maya

*Trigger warning* - Tokophobia / peri natal depression / hyperemesis gravidarum.

I gave birth 3 days ago but I am so keen to get my story down on paper because I never want to forget a detail about my birth!

My first birth was by no means a bad birth, my plan was to try and go unmedicated which I got, however I felt very uninformed due to my labor slowing down and agreed to having my waters broken which in turn lead to a very quick delivery unknowingly to midwives, feeling hopelessly out of control in a lot of pain and fear but with complications due to my baby's heart rate being lost and unable to be traced, emergency buttons being pressed. I was in so much shock that I didn't actually realise I had given birth and had to be told my little boy had arrived as I didn't feel him come out (I had no anesthesia I was just in total shock)

Fast forward to this pregnancy…

Unfortunately, I suffer from hyperemesis gravidarum in my pregnancies, this starts from before I get my positive test and lasts until my placenta is delivered.

No surprise I ended up bed bound until week 17. However, again I was fully expecting this so I had a plan in place for medication to help. It was a lot harder this time with a 2-year-old however, I'm very grateful that I have a lot of support around me to help.

I didn't feel fearful going into my pregnancy this time given that I suffered so badly with tokophobia last time. However, I still had fears around my previous birth which were mainly around feeling so hopelessly out of control and not being listened to with no option for pain relief as my labor progressed so quickly.

My pregnancy was generally quite uneventful this time. It was managed well with medication to treat the sickness. However, due to my last baby being on the 8th centile I was sent for additional growth scans and consultant lead. I was told that if my baby girl fell below the 10th centile then I would not be eligible for a midwife led birth which did cause me a fair amount of anxiety. My baby girl was weighing in at around the 25th centile at all scans and at 38 weeks the consultants were happy to sign me off for a midwife led birth yay! Except this is when I really started to panic. I got to 38 weeks and realized that I was actually going to have to do this again, I went and had some support around my last birth and what hadn't gone to plan with my midwives and talk through my anxieties, this appointment was very hard and I cried a lot! After getting home I received a call from the hospital to say they were concerned with my level of anxiety and wanted me to go back in on Monday to discuss with another midwife which I accepted.

The birth

The next day after agreeing to see another midwife on Monday, I was 39 plus 4 I had a few tightenings and wondered if this could be the start of something and if I would make that appointment. I carried on about my day. Took my little boy to the pumpkin patch where I did a nice long walk. We had a lovely lunch all together as a family and we came home and did some arts and crafts, painted some macaroons and a pumpkin and generally just had a nice day!

With my last birth I had no signs I was going into labor. I didn't lose my plug, my water's didn't break so I was expecting pretty much the same this time!

I'm not sure why but when I tucked my little boy into bed that night I just had a feeling that this would be the last time that I got to tuck him into bed pregnant! So I went and crawled into his toddler bed with him and gave him the tightest squeeze and told him how much mummy loves him and we had a little moment.

I decided to get an early night as the pumpkin picking had worn me out!

4am I woke up to go to the toilet and just like in the movies I stood up and pop all my waters went! This was great for me and put my mind in the right mindset as my biggest fear was having my waters broken again my body not being able to do it itself and catch up with what was going on.

After my water's broke, I didn't have any contractions so I didn't feel the need to call the hospital, but my anxiety kicked in of me having to be induced in 24 hours. 2 hours later and my husband begged me to phone the hospital just to let them know, so I did. They asked me to come in and just have a check over. So off I went, I arrived at the hospital at 8:00am where I started to have a few tightenings but nothing of any significance. I got there and accepted an examination where they said I was 2cm. I asked if I would be going home now and they explained that they would rather I didn't go home due to how quickly I progressed last time once they artificially ruptured my membranes.

They said that I wouldn't be assigned a midwife until I was in established labor so they put me in an empty birth center room and let me relax for a while. They said they would be back in 4 hours to check and see how I was unless I felt that something had picked up in between. They explained that should I not deliver the baby within 24 hours of my water's breaking then they would start an induction process (wrong thing to say to somebody with tokophobia- first fear setting in, but I understand they had to inform me)

Off I went to my room where I sat and watch some TV, begging my body to start with contractions...then they started! They were around 3 minutes apart but only lasting 30 seconds and not very painful so I was convinced that nothing was really happening. A student midwife came in and asked if I minded that she was present for my birth and I accepted. As I wasn't assigned to a midwife yet, as I wasn't in established labour, my student midwife kept popping in every 20 minutes to check on how I was. I explained to her that I was getting fearful because my contractions weren't painful, and weren't lasting very long. At 10.30 she came again and I explained they had stopped completely for 35 mins now. She said not to panic and that she was absolutely happy with what she was seeing, she explained that our bodies are so clever that they will give us a few contractions and then often give us a break then start up again and it's our body's way of giving us natural pain relief!

 After she said this I relaxed a bit and thought, Ok that's fine, I've got this, it doesn't matter if it takes a few hours and it's all manageable right now. I started to repeat to my husband, ‘I've got this, I'm going to do this and I'm going to have our baby girl soon!’

15 mins later at 10.45 my contractions actually started to get a little bit uncomfortable so I put my tens machine on boost and pressed the buzzer. I thought I'd actually like to get into my proper room now, where I can relax and get a pool going. I asked the midwife to come and assess me so she could check if I was in established labor and assign me a midwife in a room.

She came in and checked me and said perfect your 6cm now, she assigned me a room and started filling up the birth pool. At 11am I got into my new room and asked if I could get in the pool. She said it was a bit early but if I was happy to get in the pool then to go with it. My husband put on my playlist and I got in the pool where I just immediately felt relaxed and the pressure came off my belly.

Once I got in I had around 3 very strong contractions and I thought Yes. Things are starting now! My student midwife and I smiled at each other and she said, ‘I told you, you've got this!’

My next contraction came in and it was quite a long contraction and just at the end of the contraction I heard myself moo a tiny bit .. oh ...

My midwife said, ‘did I just hear you have a little bit of pressure to push?

I said, ‘I think so but I'm only 6 cm,’ she said, "Bianca it's your body, if you need to push, you go with it, do whatever feels right."

After that contraction every contraction I felt was a pushing sensation! Both my midwives were incredible they got so excited with me and they said, "are you ready to meet your baby girl!"

My midwife grabbed her torch to see if she could see her crown, handed me the gas and air and said when you feel the urge to push, take a bit of gas and ease her out with your hand, don't rush it, just take your time and do what feels right.

I had two contractions where her head was bobbing out then going back in, My midwife reassured me and said that this bobbing was great because she was naturally stretching me before her head actually comes out so I was less likely to tear. She said to me, I didn't have to but if I want, to give myself a little bit more of a push on my next contraction just to push a tiny bit into my bum or breathe down and her head should be out. So, with my next contraction rather than just allowing my body to push, I gave a push into my bum and out came her head!

This memory will forever stay with me I was laughing stroking her head! My midwife guided me through and said, ‘on your next contraction the rest of her body will be out and I want you to take your baby girl and bring her up to your chest.’

And there it was, my next contraction and the rest of her body came out where I caught her and bought her up to my chest! 11.30am Maya was born after 14 minutes of recorded established labour and 20 mins of pushing!

I waited for optimal cord clamping until it stopped pulsating and went white, which took around 10 mins. I accepted the injection to deliver my placenta as I couldn't wait to get that placenta out. As soon as it's out my hyperemesis goes away! We then enjoy our golden hour of skin to skin 🩷

I had no tears as I was able to push her out peacefully with no pressure of pushing.

This was everything I could have ever asked for in a birth and actually I would do it all over again in a flash just to relive that moment. I can honestly say I didn't feel any amount of unmanageable pain at all, yes discomfort, but so different from my first birth where I felt so much pain and not listened to about how much pain I was in.

I didn't feel that set moment in transition of panic like I did last time, in fact I was waiting for those signs to tell me I was in transition but they didn't come. I didn't at any point feel out of control, I felt fully supported and listened to by my mum, my husband, my midwife and my student midwife.

My student midwife thanked me for allowing her to be present and said it's a birth that she will always remember in her career. 🩷