Birth story - Angharad and baby girl

The back story is key to how much this pack helped enable this positive tale - I hope this will help any second time Mums who, like myself, had very little knowledge the first time, looking for a better and more informed experience.

Our first daughter was born in June 2017 after an induced labour at 39+3. I’d struggled to feel her movements throughout the whole pregnancy due to the positioning of the placenta, but from 36 weeks, movements became virtually impossible to track. As an anxiety sufferer, this was particularly difficult to deal with, and over the course of a couple of weeks, my anxiety sky rocketed and my days were filled with an overwhelming worry that something was wrong. The hospital were not supportive, adamant that my baby was fine (even measuring ‘big’, another worry) and better where she was. My feelings were very much side-lined and I felt powerless over my own body. Finally at 39 weeks I saw a lovely doctor who booked me in for induction. The induction process was fine but the baby’s positioning meant that she needed rotating to be born, resulting in a forceps delivery in theatre. Again, this wasn’t too bad, but unfortunately things took a negative turn from there. My husband and baby left theatre unbeknownst to me, as they had been behind me weighing, doing checks etc, as I believe the midwife thought I would soon be ready to return to my room and thought it’d be better for him to wait there for me. However the stitches I needed took a long time to complete and I lost a lot of blood in the process, meaning that I was separated from them for almost an hour and when finally returned to the room, felt very unwell. A series of miscommunications throughout the following day meaning I didn’t realise what had happened, poor postnatal care and the built up anxiety caused by the lead up meant that my mental health really suffered, and the following few months were very challenging, with feelings of failure.

I was desperate for two children but couldn’t see how I would ever have the confidence to birth again incase of a repeat experience. I booked a debrief at hospital to see if anyone could help me make sense of what had happened and discuss the potential ‘next time’. We were invited to meet with the labour ward manager, and just an hour in her presence turned everything around. She was hugely informative about my experience, outlined why things had happened to help make sense of them, and was incredibly kind and supportive towards my feelings. I initially said that, given the fact that I’d felt no one was listening to me about reduced movements and my baby’s wellbeing that I wanted to know that I would be ‘allowed’ to have an elective c-section should I wish. She put the power in my hands, and armed with facts about why things happened and a new optimism, I went away feeling that I could have a great natural birth experience and fortunately fell pregnant the next month.

I discovered the Positive Birth Company via social media, and downloaded the pack around 30 weeks, spending time watching and practising the techniques with my husband. I’d had a major wobble in the 2nd trimester where I thought I couldn’t do it and wanted the c-section, but got myself back on track with the help of the pack. The pregnancy was 100x smoother than my first, and that coupled with the pack meant that my anxiety was kept at bay and I could focus on preparing for the birth. The pack and the connections to the hospital meant that I felt totally in control, well informed and confident in my decision making. I had a few consultant appointments where, armed with facts, knowledge of my rights and a new found strength, I *told* them what my plans were - that I was currently on track for a natural birth, but would be booking the c-section should I need to if my mental health suffered (lots of things in the media lately about hospitals not ‘allowing’ women the choice, so I went armed with facts saying I could, and the affirmation ‘I make decisions that feel right for myself and my baby’ firmly in my head). At 37 weeks, still feeling great and wanting to avoid the c-section, we booked a ‘just in case’ induction at 40+4 (as my due date was Thursday, we booked for the following Monday to allow time to go into natural labour but not too long in case my anxiety spiked). I became nervous in these last few weeks but kept it at bay by focusing on the science and the newfound confidence I had in my ability to do this.

My due date came and went, and I began to feel that the induction was actually the best thing for me given I felt I needed the control I’d missed last time, so really relaxed and enjoyed our final few days as a family of 3. The day of the induction arrived, and I got up feeling happy and calm, ate a normal breakfast (I’d been terrified the first time and been up all night, didn’t eat and felt generally a wreck when I arrived at the hospital!) and dropped our daughter at her Grandparent’s house. We arrived at the hospital and made our way in, feeling excited. The labour ward manager happened to be on shift, so met us at the antenatal ward reception, and took us through to a room. Relaying information from a sweep I’d had the previous week showing I was 2cm, she got us moved straight onto labour ward, confident that my waters could be broken, so that I wouldn’t have to have lots of examinations by lots of different midwives. I requested to be put in a room on the side of the ward that was newer, as the room I’d had previously was old and very clinical and claustrophobic. We got a lovely room with a huge bath in which felt lovely in comparison, and my husband set about making the room a great birthing space, spritzing room spray and getting our music/Harry Potter audiobook set up.

Two lovely midwives then came to introduce themselves - Hannah and Gina who was a 3rd year student. I’d put no students on my preferences (they hadn’t seen them yet) because of a bad experience with an overenthusiastic medical student, but felt happy with Gina being around given she was nearly qualified and was really nice. We quickly got things going, with a short time on the monitor and with my waters broken at 10am. We then spent the next couple of hours watching things on youtube, listening to the audiobook and bouncing on the ball, to see if labour would start naturally. It didn’t, which again I felt fine with, knowing that I had a plan. Hannah and Gina returned at lunch time, and the plan was made that I would have an epidural put in and the drip started. I had struggled with the intensity of the drip the first time, and having had long discussions with the Labour Ward manager about it, felt confident that an epidural would keep me calm and not increase the risk of a repeat of last time and intervention, as long as I could stay UFO and have gravity on my side (the epidural had nothing to do with the assisted delivery last time, it was baby’s position). The epidural was put in and the drip started at 2pm, with the bed being made into a chair. I felt great at this point and excited that we were getting going. I had a lot of pressure at the front as baby was really well engaged, so it was suggested I get up and wander around to relieve this. I had wireless monitoring so only had the drip to contend with, and I was able to move around freely, and spent the next couple of hours keeping the oxytocin flowing, feeling calm and happy.

A couple of hours later, I started to feel a lot of pressure at the back. Surges became strong and despite the epidural, I had a lot of sensation, which I was really pleased about. I used up breathing to get through them, and always felt in control. I knew this pressure could be a sign that baby was nearly here but it hadn’t been long so I wasn’t sure if I just needed the loo! I requested an early examination (it was supposed to be around 7pm) to see what was happening and was found to be 5cm, which I was fine with as it hadn’t been long. I decided that I must just need the loo, so made my way to the bathroom. Trying to sit down on the loo was really uncomfortable, and I had to get up for surges as the pressure was too much. I decided that maybe I didn’t need the loo after all, so came back into the room. I’d just got over to the bed when I felt like no, I really did need it! I practically ran back to bathroom, snapping at my husband for not wheeling the drip quick enough. I asked him to wait around the corner (maintaining a little privacy!) and tried to sit down again, but couldn’t, and felt a huge increase in pressure in my lower back/bum.

I went into panic at this moment (thanks, transition!) and shouted for my husband to come back. I spent the next few minutes (it felt like forever!) ranting on about how much I really needed the loo but couldn’t go, and panicking that if I couldn’t even do that, how would I push my baby out!?! My husband realised I was going through transition and did his best to keep me calm, breathing with me through the surges. Two really close together and intense surges later, my body started pushing and on reflection, I felt my baby coming down, however at the time. still convinced this was because I needed the loo, I wanted to stay in the bathroom. My husband and the midwives encouraged me to come out and got me back onto the bed, at which point I heard the words that got me through - there’s a baby there! I’d been so anxious about embarrassing myself by making a fuss about the baby being close when actually I needed the loo, that’d I’d ignored my instincts and she was on her way! At this point, the lovely labour ward manager came in to say she was going home - perfect timing for her to help with delivery!

At 17:19, around 35/45 minutes after being 5cm, our baby girl was born and placed straight onto me, calm and peaceful from her gentle entrance to the world. I found the down breathing quite difficult but was determined to breathe her into the world as gently as possible for both of us, so did a combination of this and coached pushing towards the end. We had a wonderful hour of skin to skin, which was incredibly healing from my previous experience, and had delayed cord clamping before the injection for the placenta, which I’d chosen to have following the blood loss last time. Although I’d forgotten in the moment, I was keen to find out if there was any blood loss or damage, and was delighted to find I only had a small 2nd degree tear and a fraction of the blood loss from last time. I felt amazing, and just a few hours later, we were home and in our own bed.

I can’t encourage everyone enough to really research their choices, get in touch with their local labour ward or wherever they choose to birth to find out about rooms/policies/etc, and make the choices that suit you. I felt immense failure and guilt the first time around, having had a ‘medical’ birth that I thought had caused problems, but have found peace in what happened through being thoroughly well informed about what happened, and removing the blame I put on myself. Having gone into this birth, armed with facts, knowledge and confidence, I was ready to face whatever eventuality, but thankfully, the outcome couldn’t have been better 💕

My little girl is now coming up for 2, and I remember the day she was born as hands down the best day of my life. I can remember every little detail! Having a positive birth has had a huge long term impact on my mental health, and I always say I’d happily relive that day all over again, and tell any pregnant friend who’ll listen that they need the PBC in their life 🥰